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| Val(kyrie) |
She's very impressed with my progress and probably just as surprised, if not more surprised than I am, that our idea of focusing on fortifying me to better cope with the dark times rather, than trying to prevent the dark times is the better plan for my continued therapy.
Given my recovery from acute trauma in record time on Tuesday, I really do think we're onto something.
Also, I noted in Therapy yesterday that it's gotten easier to talk about Set. I'm placing the blame for that firmly on Ghost's shoulders. Even Bran understood about that when I told him. Since I'm coming at the details from the side, and under the veil of fiction in the retelling, there's a buffer there. The emotions don't come forward and hit me full blast like they did when I tried to write about Set before.
My homework assignment this week is to keep moving forward with the Ghost Story, and to check into Rolfing.
Val has a very good friend who is a Rolfer, and once I had described Set's healing technique to her in detail, she said it sounded a lot like what her friend does. She gave me the contact information for her friend, and I will call him when Bran wakes up. Now that Bran has a functioning relationship with Dandy, the three of us can start sleeping together.
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| Dandy |
Now that I've been able to go into greater detail on how Set's healing worked on me, I think Val is starting to have a much clearer picture of what it is that I lost when he abandoned me.
During our session Val also asked me what a Luciferian is. She said she'd heard me use the term before and it occurred to her that she should really find out more about it.
I explained it to her the same way I explain it to everyone: The most basic point of Luciferianism is that each individual person is solely responsible for his or her own Enlightenment, Salvation and Ascension. It is, essentially always a religion of ONE, and beyond that we don't agree on much because each persons reality is unique.
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| Archangel Lucifer |
My Luciferianism has always taken a bit of a Buddhist flair, which I find strange, but it's the way my spirit works.
Almost everyone I've dated in my lifetime has identified as Buddhist. Even Bran when I first met him, but he's gone back to his Irish Catholic roots now.
It's important to note that to me Lucifer never fell. He's still an Archangel and still the beloved of God. He plays the roll of adversary because God needed someone to help his children challenge those would sully his name by being self serving in their authority.
Near the end of the session I was able to delve more into my multiple personalities and help her understand them better. I told her about the main 3, the Reticent and the Child.
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| Abbie |
I was with my old therapist many years ago, and I had been discussing a small host of issues, and she told me that all of them were rooted in 'shame'.
I went to a healer and asked for his help to help lock into and dissolve that core of shame.
He laid me down on his table and started working the energy, putting me into a sort of trance. Then he told me to locate Shame and "invite it to the table."
The way he saw things, it was not pragmatic to go through the effort to remove something, only to replace it with something else. The something is already there. It would be easier and more efficient to take the something that's already there, and invite it to transform. The energy remains but it changes attributes.
At the time, Shame had appeared to me as a small, dirty, ape-like creature that was backing away from me and hissing and spitting. It expected to be attacked.
As it calmed down, I suddenly found myself realizing just how much 'shame' was inflicted on me by my older sister as a child. And then I asked the question "What if I never had an older sister?", and then the air around Shame began to shimmer and diffuse. Then, standing right where Shame had once been, there was this absolutely beautiful girl with blonde hair, blue eyes and little freckles across her nose and under her eyes.
I suddenly realized that she was me, and that I was never ugly.
Her name is Abbie, and she's 10 years old.
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| The House in My Mind |
Her presence has changed the lives of all of them. Especially the Reticent.
They are the four most loving mothers any 10-year old girl could ask for.
Today I paid a visit to Raime for a session with him.
I told him what had happened to me right after surgery and he quickly surmised that the chemicals left in my system from the anesthetic had temporarily disabled my sense of emotional regulation. Leaving me vulnerable to the onslaught of old wounds resurfacing. Once that evaporated, I was fine.
He did some work on me, but there is still a lot more to be done. I'm seeing him twice next week. He also gave me his thoughts on Rolfing, which would not be covered under my insurance, but perhaps I can work out a barter and trade with a Rolfer.
I have an emergency appointment at my regular clinic tomorrow. One of the side effects of the surgery is lingering longer than it should and could cause potential health problems.
It's really late, and I've had a long day.
I hope I can get back to writing more about Ghost tomorrow.
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