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| Copyright (C) Artemis Kolakis |
I always used to say that "one more childhood trauma, and I would be a full split". Personality that is.
I've had a fractured personality for as long as I can remember. There have always been very different sides to my psyche. Usually divided into light and dark selves. I've always been highly attuned to my inner voices. Some voices were stronger than others. Some were even strong enough to have their own names.
I had no idea that I could endure that trauma as an adult
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| The Scribbler (movie - 2014) |
It was like the person I had been before was a mulit-colored, glass sided cube, with a single point of light directed at it. Whichever surface was illuminated was the 'voice' that was on top at that time.
Then it was like someone had taken a sledge hammer and shattered the glass.
It took time to gather up what I could of the pieces, and after which we were much more like a tesseract, with multiple points of light. It was confusing as hell!
Bran was the first person to draw attention to the fact that my voices had splintered off into whole separate entities inside my mind. Little clues like shifts in my behavior patterns or differences in my handwriting. Once he'd told me of his observations I began to note the sense of 'missing time'.
Unfortunately for me... at the time I was sans health insurance. It took some months before I was able to take the problem to my team of medical professionals and ask for help.
During that time, I read Aristoi, by Walter Jon Williams. He explains the work much better than I ever could, and does so in great detail in his blog entry, Being Aristoi. The work was highly influential in helping me get the chaos under control, and learning to appreciate my daimones (limited personalities).
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| Artist Unknown |
I was just thinking about that the other day, and I realized that I need to work my being Ariste into the current Ghost Story: Broken Angel (working title revision in progress).
I decided to look on line and see if anyone else out there was identifying as Aristoi.
I didn't find anyone, but I did find the blog entry by man who coined the term (noted above). I decided to thank him for his work, and ask permission to credit him.
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I was introduced to Aristoi by a friend and healer after a personal trauma splintered off my ‘voices’ into unique personalities. I had always said; “one more childhood trauma, and I would be a full split.” I had no idea that I could experience that trauma as an adult, and the result was catastrophic… at first.
Already experiencing the advanced psychosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, I was naturally driven to my care team (medical professionals, healers and friends) to ask for help getting the chaos under control.
What I didn’t expect is that my other selves would ‘overhear’ me as I asked for help getting everyone into the same room, so we could discuss things and decide what to do with my body and when. They all got together and unanimously voted to put me in charge.
It was during this process that I’d also read Aristoi, and it was a tremendous help! We liked… no… we LOVED the idea that having split personalities could be a strength instead of a weakness.
I’m a writer myself… currently in recovery from the original trauma that split us all off to begin with, as well as the subsequent traumas that resulted. I’m working on a story now that is one half autobiography and one half fictional healing journey. It was an idea I had when discussing my personal trust issues with my therapist. I know I need help with my recovery process, but I’m reluctant to invite anyone into my life right now. My avatar in the story is far braver than I, and I am able to vicariously draw strength from her interpersonal relationships as I write them for her. [isn't having a vivid imagination great?]
My long term goal is to publish the story under creative commons, and make it open and public. I want to have it out there as an inspiration to others who may be struggling to recover from similar traumas.
I had the idea today that I wanted to begin self-identifying as an Ariste, and work that into my own narrative. This led me to researching whether or not this is something others are already doing (and perhaps I could find a new social group to interact with) and also led me here.
I would like to formally request permission to include my experience of reading Aristoi into my own narrative.
Your work has been highly influential in my healing process, and I would love to give credit where credit is due as I share that process with the world.
Thank you,
~ImariiStarre
I just checked, and he wrote back!
Imarii, I’m deeply grateful that you were able to use one of my works in your healing process. You have permission to credit me with anything I deserve credit for, and I wish you all the best on your writing venture.
These are very exciting times indeed.
Now if I could only get one of those wetware implants. I'd get so much more work done!
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