It's a new dawn, it's a new day...

11/19/16 10:54 AM

I've been so fucking exhausted and sore in the best possible ways that I didn't get a single thing done yesterday. Well, not good exhausted. That was equal parts me being so wound up from Gingersnap's visit that I couldn't sleep, and the upstairs neighbors being way too fucking loud. Again.

I didn't even write or do anything but minimal gaming yesterday. I was so worn out. But, that gave me the entire day to just think about Gingersnap and reflect on how many things had gone well. I think my favorite was how hard he laughed when I told him I do yoga to heavy metal music. He was so amused, and it's the little things like that… they make me feel so special. He's very special.

I'm not ashamed to say that I feel love forming here.

He didn't check in much yesterday, but we got hit with a major blizzard, so I know he's working.

I also compiled a 'read me' list of all my current posted work that's available for beta reads. So far only Gingersnap and Daddy have the list.

I also love it that Gingersnap reassures me that he's coming back and I'm excited to see what else is in his sexual toolbox. He's already told me that what he gave me the other night was only first gear. Um… wow… 'cause that's more sex than any one partner has given me in a sitting save for Bran on our first date.

I also want to start reading my baby version of The Count of Monte Cristo, since the adult size is Gingersnap's favorite book of all time. He's read so much of my work and really fed into my passions that I want to do something to get to know him more.

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Bran is okay. But, things up north are really not going as well as he'd hoped. I'm still justified in saying that I knew it was a mistake for him going in, but it was more important for me to step back and let him MAKE the mistake than it was for him to give into my insecurities and not, at least, try to make this thing up north work out for him. This, once again, puts me in the rather unique position of being an Overwatch like he had been for me for the last 8+ years.

And, with sweeties like Gramarye, Daddy, and Gingersnap in my life. I'm gaining the justification that I really CAN make it through life without Nick as my primary partner. I've proven it to myself that I do have options and that there are other loves out there who would be glad to have me. I don't have to think of Nick in the sense that I can't do better, or at least 'as good'. This means that when Nick does come back I really WILL be choosing to be with him because I want to. I'm not just saddling myself with an unfulfilling marriage or anything because I feel that I need to.

To be fair, my marriage is wonderfully fulfilling and I no longer feel that I need to 'wish' for more.

This is all good stuff, and I’m very happy.