I'm not going to lie.
This is totally to impress Gingersnap, even if I never tell him that it's for that reason. Though, he does have the link to this blog, so there's a chance he's going to figure it out anyway.
Positive:
Gingersnap is promoting so much health and wellness with me. I'm writing like a fiend. Not 6K a day worth of writing. I top out at about 2K, but I can do that in ONE HOUR. So, try to imagine what would come out of me, now, if I did go for a full day without distractions.
I don't know that I'm there yet. In fact, I'm certain that I'm not. It will happen naturally when it decides to happen. When my muse cracks me across the skull and said "WRITE BITCH!", then I go full bore.
*sigh*
Negative:
*sigh again*
Shit.
Fuck, damn, shit...
Despite my own fucking rule that Bran and I could love and be loving, but never fall IN love again. Fuck me... I love Gingersnap.
Negative(squared):
If I lose him... if he breaks my heart... I could lose everything... AGAIN! I could lose the writing, I could lose the yoga, I could lose my drive to be healthy.
*sigh, again, sigh*
This is so fucking dangerous.
I've felt like this before. The abusive dickhead that put me in harms way by introducing his snaky, whore of a wife into my sphere. And then there's Set!! And we all know hard that son-of-a-bitch broke the fuck out of me!
But...
This is also how I felt with Bran too.
And we know how that went too, now don't we.
Um...
OKAY - am typing this and Lacuna Coil's "Trip the Darkness" just came on my yoga metal...
Shit...
Um, okay.
I'm taking that as a sign. I know how to listen to the damn fates when they decide to speak to me.
I feel about Gingersnap like I did about Bran, and it's going to move forward with this. I'm going to let myself love him as much as I can, as long as it doesn't jeopardize my relationship with Bran.
*nods firmly*
Okay.
I'm good now, thanks for listening.
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