Happy Birthday to Me [Fireworks go BOOM!|

There's something about my birthday that's always left me with a persistent sense of alone-ness.

I guess I've just never felt like I was celebrating the day with the right person/people.

I mean, growing up, my family was so toxic... and then my relationship with the Spawns sperm donor wasn't much better. So, really, up until about ten years ago, I never had anyone in my life that I felt truly loved by.

But, then you add in that Bran is a combat veteran... and that large crowds and very loud noises are a nasty combination for him to be around... I've spent the last 10 years completely alone on my birthday too.

And, always, without transportation to get the Spawn and me to a good spot to see the Fireworks show.

To be honest... I don't give a fuck about the Fireworks. I've seen enough, and I'm good.

But, the Spawn?

She fucking LOVES them.

So, I do this for her.

Every year I agonize, I beg, I plead, I plan... I try to do something so that she gets a show.

-----

Last year was actually pretty good.

Emotionally I was a fucking wreck because Bran was still gone.

I had the Blue Falcon, though.

Favorite Sweeties are favorites for a reason.

I made us a cold salad of rainbow pasta, asparagus, and salmon in a light vinegarette.

The Blue Falcon held my hand during the show...

(sigh)

We tried.

We really did try.

It still just wasn't what I needed, though.

----- This year it's Elliot and Brielle who have come to our rescue. These are some of the best people in the world and I know that they can make it special for the Spawn. My gratitude is boundless. The Spawn will see her fireworks. (if the rain clears up)

-----

I don't really know what will make me feel better.

I think I just want someone that I love, and who actually loves me back, to sit next to me and put their arm around me.

I think I need to be held.

I think I need that sense of 'life-partnership' that has been neglected on my birthday... pretty much since forever.

(sigh)

I don't fucking know.

I guess I just don't want to feel alone on my birthday, and even though I have chosen family and loved ones, that feeling always seems to be there anyway.

Yes, I'm crying.

Shut up.

Family:

- Spawn -  Nevertheless, I'm going to suck it the fuck up and make sure she has a good time today/this evening.

She deserves it.

Tomorrow we have a LOT of show to get caught up on!

Beloveds, Loved Ones, Chosen Family & Friends:

Birthday wishes are starting to pour in. So, it's probably time I really suck it the fuck up and realize that I do have people in my life that love me now.

I didn't have that two months ago.

End Notes:  

Yeah, I know. It's a short entry today.

But, I figure since that last one took me like 3 hours total to complete and I didn't even make it in under the midnight mark of July:3/4?

I thought you could deal.