Disengage Bitch Mode

Still sore.

It really feels like the over-exertion has aggravated my inflammatory condition… but, there's no way to be sure. All I know is that it really fucking hurts. I can barely lower myself to sit down on the toilet.

Heh, I mentioned that to the Blue Falcon and he just giggled at me. Apparently he had the same problem because his legs are sore too.

Okay… so, the Blue Falcon is in WAY better shape than I am, and he's having a hard time recovering from all those stairs too. So, you can about imagine how fucked I am.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I got to see Valkyrie a day early because someone nabbed my Tuesday spot.

We talked a lot about this most recent breaking and how I was thriving before. We've been analyzing what's so different now. Why am I just in survival mode? What the hell happened to my thrive?

Okay… well we think we've figured it out and it was a combination of things:

1. I got fed up with the one-night stands (even though I was FEEDING a lot more when I was okay with them)
2. Bran didn't come home at the expected time
3. The Blue Falcon spoiled the hell out of me

Okay, so the cure then.

I need to go back to being the only nice Cougar on OKC… and I need to take the pad lock off my revolving door of dick. I need to let my succubus side out to feed and a LOT. Even if it's just one-night stands. A good one night stand will still sustain me for one to two days and I usually  have another date by then anyway.

Also, the Blue Falcon needs to be the EXCEPTION and not the rule. Even he agrees completely with this. He's a very unique soul and trying to find more like him is a fools journey.

The Blue Falcon also educated me on some things about cub culture that I was not aware of:

1. Cubs need to cast a very wide net, so there really isn't time to read all of every profile out there. Sometimes they really do just need to ask 'what are you looking for'.
2. The mentality of the current relationship scene really is 'Sex First, Relationship After'.
3. AND, as distasteful as 2 is… that's still exactly the way we started out and look where we are!

He's absolutely right.

Seriously, where would I be without him?

 - Writing - Not a lot of work has been getting done… too much running around and being balls out tired from that fucking trip to the falls. Hoping to get back to it today, though. I'm a bit worried. The chapter I'm on doesn't appear to be following structure rules… so I might have to rearrange some things a bit. Not sure yet.

I also have some crits that I really need to read and process… UGH!! Got to get on top of this!!

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 24 minutes, 2x awake, 16x restless, total of 29 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Should be fine with 3 today.

 - Blood Sugar - Only 100 this morning!! That's edging on low to potential crashing for me! - I put real sugar in my coffee today.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We talked for a bit last night on his way home. He says he's being a little picky when it comes to the jobs he's willing to transfer back to where I am. He also doesn't want to advance too far up the corporate ladder because then they can literally send him anywhere. So, there are extenuating circumstances as to why he's not chosen certain jobs back home, even though they've been open.

I actually have no problem with this. I do want him to work in the departments where he would feel the most comfortable.

So, it is actually in everyone's best interests that he stays put until he's needed in the right place to come home. I get that.

And, with the new plan on upping my feeding schedule… I should get back to a happier place and an ability to thrive again. It just simply is what it is.

We have to get through this together even though we're apart.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - The social calendar is beginning to fill up again… so there will be more reports coming in here soon.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Say it with me:

Exception not the rule, exception not the rule, exception not the rule…

The Blue Falcon is unique and expecting anyone to live up to the extremely high bar that he's placed is just balls out stupid. He's the exception. He's not the rule.

So… on with it then.

He showed up around 5'ish, as usual. He brought me his vacuum and tested it out on my carpet. He wants me to get my floors sorted… omg… what a sweetie.

We talked for a bit about my session with Valkyrie and he helped me gain a greater understanding of the cub culture, which I've already mentioned.

We proceeded to the naked cuddles.

As I was holding him and kissing the back of his shoulder, I told him that was the part that I was going to miss the most… just the closeness, the connection, the intimacy. Not the sex. Just the intimacy. The naked snuggles. All the things that will be totally inappropriate once he's in a relationship.

He told me not to worry so much about it and that I never know what might happen. That relationships are open to so many forms these days with poly's and non-monog's…

So, there it is…

He'd be *open* to continuing with me if that's the way things were okay with his future mate.

It's not a definite.

But, he's not closed to the idea of continuing to be intimate with me…

We talked about our dinner options and decided on a quick trip to the grocery store. The Blue Falcon let me fill up a small container at the olive bar and pick out a fresh made soup near the deli. He grabbed a large, frozen pot pie and a small package of Hawaiian dinner roles and we were good to go.

I demolished the olives while he heated his pot pie.

It was his turn to pick the movie, we watched The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. It was hilarious! He was SO happy that I laughed and found it more interesting than The Forbidden Zone.

Next date is my pick, it's going to be Donnie Darko. I also know my next two picks after that too. He's got a whole LIST of things to inflict on me… it's going to be great!!

We snuggled. It was awesome.

Fuck… I love him.

I always can't wait to see him again.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - There is a rapidly growing list of hopefuls… but, you know me… I'm not really all that hopeful.

*sigh* I’m not hopeless, but I'm not hopeful.

We'll see who survives to a second date. Then I might let myself feel something.

 -- Friday -- Nothing new to report.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

I hope my legs heal soon… I'm not liking the way they hurt so much.