I don't even care that I don't care...

Yeah… it's been awhile.

I've spent the last week or so just camped out on my sofa watching Orange is the New Black and Man in the High Castle… Now I'm watching MTV's Teen Wolf because I've apparently turned to masochism in the soul-crushing depression.

I'm not writing

I'm not gaming.

I'm not knitting.

I'm barely eating.

It takes me days to convince myself to shower and my apartment is filthy…

Yeah…

To say I’m unwell is an understatement.

Anyway, I'm at least trying to get back on track with the daily tasks today. Even if I don't write, maybe I can still find it in me to do some critiques and farm some karma so I have it there to post when the words do start coming again.

Now, I should clarify that I’m not worried.

I'm experiencing the post-meltdown crash without having had the meltdown. Or maybe I had the meltdown and it was such a slow burn that no one noticed it. Bottom line is that I've been in worse abyss's than this.

I know I'll find my way out.

All I need is a really hot guy to start reading my work and beg me for more and my muse will come back from her sabbatical.

It just takes time for my mind to repair itself, but I know it can. I've been here before. I know I'll be okay.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I'm seeing Valkyrie in just a few hours. When I saw her last week I was about the same and even she agreed that there's nothing to worry about. We've seen me in way darker places than this and we know that I always come back.

We know I'll be okay.

 - Writing - Nothing is happening here… I don't know when it will start to happen again… but I know it will happen eventually.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 5 minutes, 0x awake, 13x restless, 38 minutes awake/restless. Seems to still be on the verge of 'just okay' and neither great nor terrible sleep quality.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - 3 cups of coffee today. That's my normal. So, I'm fine there.

 - Blood Sugar - I didn't test this morning because I just didn't feel like it. But, it only seems to be normal when I eat popcorn for dinner. It's just that some nights I don't have the energy to make popcorn.

 - INR - It's been normal the last few weeks, so at least that's been good. No extra puncture wounds in the backs of my hands and no extra bruises to carry around for weeks on end. So, at least I have that to look forward to.

 - Nervous System - Adjustment tomorrow.

 - Inflammation - Whatever.

 - Exercise/Yoga - Don't make me laugh.

 - Weight Management - Fuck you.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We talk a lot.

Now that _she_ has a vehicle of her own and her night job has changed she doesn't need his vehicle overnight anymore. This should mean that he can come visit me.

We were thinking about him coming to see me tomorrow… but, I can already feel him putting that off until next week.

Fuck it.

I guess I'll just wait until he comes home and then I'll sort out my issues.

 - The Unicorn - We will be having about a week and a half together during the week of my birthday. I can't wait… there's going to be a lot of Buffy/Angel.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - I get stood up mostly.

Valkyrie believes it has something to do with the depression. My sexual lethargy and apathy just isn't putting the same succubus call out into the universe that it did before. So, I’m not pulling the beautiful boys to me at the rate that I was when I was really putting myself out there in the past.

And yet, I can't even bring myself to care about the fact that I don't care.

It's like I've completely given up and even the potentials can sense that.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - He's literally the only thing I look forward to. Especially with our plans for my birthday coming up. It's going to be my first, actually happy birthday in a really long time. I honestly can't even remember the last time I enjoyed my birthday.

The only problem is that he's got his on special hell of problems right now, so being there for me… it's just something that I really don't feel like I can be too selfish about.

He's taking me shopping tonight anyway. Because he's just that kind of awesome.

I really wish Bran and I had the money to pay him back already.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - Nothing new to report.

 -- Friday -- It's time to remove Friday again. I’m not even sure I'm on his list anymore. He may have discarded me as a way of protecting me. I can totally see him doing that.

Either way. I won't be hearing from him for awhile. Possibly not ever. This is the last you'll see me mentioning him until he decides to reinitiate contact.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

I'm not sure how much I'm going to keep this going… there's really not much point to it. Nothing special is happening right now and I have no energy to make something special happen.

Whatever…

I don't even care that I don't care…