I just want my mornings back...

Snot Nose emailed again. This time laying down a total guilt trip saying he couldn't be 'totally honest' or 'himself' around me, so whatever.

*eye roll*

I wrote back and said that I don't think we have anything left to say to each other. We've exhausted all potential conversation topics. I'm not interested in his writing, he's not interested in mine. He can't help with my situation with Bran, which will resolve on it's on when it's ready to anyway. And I sure as hell don't want to hear about him being 'stuck' anymore. Not after I offered him a way out and he was too much of a child to take it.

So, again, whatever.

I'm so done.

Anyway:

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I didn't really game yesterday. At least not guild grind level. I just worked on collecting some stuff for chef quests. I wasn't in the mood for much more than that.

I miss baking… I wish I had something stronger than a hand mixer to work with.

Haven't knit in a few days, but the yarn is close to me, just in case.

I’m in a pretty deep well of 'blah'… no idea how the hell to pull myself out of this.

 - Writing - I did it! All of Act I has been uploaded to Scribophile… I have some things to take care of today, but I'm also hoping to take a loot at Act II and start getting some ideas on where to begin expanding… Lots of word counts in there that need to be raised… not sure how the hell I'm going to pull it off, but I know I can. I have faith in myself.

Besides, now that Jessa and Daniel are together, I can always just pad with a sex scene if I need to, right?

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 25 minutes, 1x awake, 12x restless, total of 21 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - My goodness, Catmom was in her cups yesterday!! She gets SO chatty when she's been drinking. Both Dreamy and Splotches (and Catmom) came by for more than one visit, but no cuddles were had. Dreamy and Splotches just picked out spaces on the carpet and tried to hold it down.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Should be fine with 3 today.

 - Blood Sugar - 122 this morning.

Last night was the first time I didn't eat something right before bed. I ate popcorn for dinner with the Unicorn while we were watching the season one finale of Angel. I was full at bedtime, so I didn't eat anything… So, I think I need to update my rule. I'm going to start experimenting with rolling back when I eat 'last meal' and seeing how that effects my blood sugars in the mornings. So, tonight then. Last meal will be at 9:30 instead of 10.

 - Exercise/Yoga - I exercised twice yesterday… even raised the 'second' count on my five minutes. I guess I feel better… but, I also wasn't working so hard yesterday either. Fuck me, there has GOT to be a better way to strike a balance!

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We might have good news.

No, he's not coming home.

But _she_ might be finally leaving the scene and taking her stinking hellspawn with her.

Bran told her that she had a time limit on when she needed to be gainfully employed. If she gets to the end of that limit, he's kicking her ass out and seeking a roommate or figuring out some way to augment his living situation to his benefit _without_ her.

I take great comfort in knowing how much he hates her now. He sees what I see. She doesn't have him blinded to her faults anymore.

Bran and I are in agreement that this will never happen again. He's to never again date a 'fixer upper'. From now on, if he's going to stick his dick in something, she needs to be sane. We're not rescuing any more bitches. This one was a costly mistake that we've learned a great deal from. But that doesn't make her any less of a mistake.

Never again.

 - The Unicorn - I'm pretty well fed up with waiting for my internet to come through, so the Unicorn and I did a set up with the Chromebook last night so we could watch the last 3 episodes of Season 1 of Angel. It was good! I made my white chocolate popcorn, which was awesome. We were interrupted by Catmom, which was fine.

Heh, then the Unicorn decided to do my hair in sections and beads… she took a video of it so she could show it to me. It's actually super cute!!

She slept in the living room last night so she could stay near the air conditioner. But, I just looked at the weather reports and we'd be fine if we left the windows open. Might be too noisy, but the temperature would be fine.

I woke her up with my typing just now. She's back in the bedroom sleeping through the morning.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I'm a little worried about the Blue Falcon… one of the girls he's thinking about dating is really mentally unstable. He got us in a 3-way chat last night so I could try to help her with some ideas on coping skills. Yeah, that was an epic fail. She was in deep 'deflect mode'. Where she came up with an excuse for why every one of my suggestions wouldn’t work for her. Then I tried to tell her it was overwhelming and she said she was fine. Then I tried to tell her she was fine and she told me she was overwhelmed.

She's fucked.

And my precious Blue Falcon is considering a relationship with her.

I honestly don't have any words for how much I disapprove. But, it's his life. I'm going to have to lose him to someone someday. And if it doesn't work out he won't be broken hearted… he'll be fine… and we can always pick up where we left off on the naked cuddles as long as I just keep my fucking cool this time and don't lose my shit.

Closure… it's needed.

I have to get over Set once and for all and the Blue Falcon is my key to that. (Daniel too!)

I just need to keep it together and hope that the Blue Falcon chooses well. We just need him to propagate the species and his bloodline. I know he'll hate it if he's not around as Dad… if he gets separated off to just being a co-parent, that would suck, but it's still his life. I’m doing fine with the Unicorn under those terms and he will too if it comes to that.

I just hope the best for him.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Remember that jerk that totally ruined my chance at seeing the Blue Falcon one night? The one who fucked me for about a minute and a half and then left? The one who's only redeeming quality was that he left me the bourbon? - yeah… He messaged me yesterday asking when I was going to take care of him. I answered him by blocking him. Gods, what a creep!

 - The Hopefuls -

Hopeful 1 We don't chat as much… I guess work gets in the way a lot. I hope we're still on for our date next week. He seems like he'd be so sweet.

I really need more sweet.

 -- Friday -- Nothing new to report.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

Not much to say in closing today. I usually try to wrap up my closing notes to my opening statements, but there's really not much more I can say about Snot Nose other than I really wish he'd just stop emailing me. I don't like being guilt tripped. I'm giving him one last chance to pull his panties out of his ass… then I'm thinking about not replying again.

I just want my mornings back.