Crack an Egg in it...

Remind me not to use Thunderbird for email anymore. I just had to uninstall it because it was popping up with an error that refused to close or even let me close the program to deal with it later.

Fuck that noise.

I'll just use my Web Hosts email shell or route it through my gmail if I have to. No errors to put up with or extra programs gumming up my computer for an email address that so for only some scam artist has tried to use.

*sigh*

Anyway…

So, onto the update:

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I see Valkyrie today. I expect we'll talk about Supernatural again and my theory about the You Are Not Alone campaign. We'll probably talk about the latest Ghost Story too…

 - Writing - I was able to put in just over a thousand words to After the Eclipse yesterday. Good character introduction to Ethan. Again, these are meant to be crappy shorts, so we don't have a lot in the way of character insight because we really just want to get to the sex.

The primary goal of the Ghost Story is still churning - I've not rebooted into writing Torvus yet.

The secondary goal of the Ghost Story is coming along nicely. I have dates both Wednesday and Thursday this week. One of them is a repeat customer.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours 38 minutes, 2x awake, 12x restless, total of 35 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - The cats really have NOT been visiting lately. I'm wondering what the fuck is up with that.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Blood Sugar - I've had a couple of really high days with 149 as the fasting. That's bad! I need to start doing the popcorn for dinner again!!

 - Weight Management - So, related to those high blood sugar's is my newest CRAVE that's probably one of the worst things I can do to myself. It's all the Blue Falcon's fault too. OMG, it's fucking amazing, but SO BAD FOR ME calorie wise! (and budget wise). He's got me into this thing where I crack an egg into my ramen now. If I cook it at 3 minutes and 33 seconds, the egg comes out to a perfect medium. It's so good.

I'm also adding a squirt of the Trader Joe's Green Dragon hot sauce too.

So.

Fucking.

Good.

But a package of ramen is like 500 calories!

BAD!

VERY BAD!

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I got a Snapchat 'chat' from him last night letting me know that there wouldn't be a ride home phone call. Capped with just a 'Love ya'. That's it. No explanation given. Just a heads up that he wasn't calling.

I hate it when shit like that happens. I really need those talks to feel connected to him.

Other than that, it's just the same shit, different day aspect of things. It has my constant depression weighing me down.

I just don't know how to do this anymore.

 - The Unicorn - She'll be here again soon.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Expect reports this week.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I know I need to get him alone so we can discuss this 'just friends' thing. But it's like I'm scared to. Plus he's got so much on his mind right now.

I think it's better for him that I just back off and let him sort through his shit. I don't even want to be on some sort of 'cancellation list' if he finds himself free for an evening. He should use that time to take a breath.

After he's moved… maybe. We'll figure this out.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Thursday I have plans with a guy I saw two weeks ago. This will be our second date. Thursday during lunch hour is likely to be our regular thing.

Okay, so, here's the thing.

He's not the giver.

I am.

And it's what he needs.

He's got some trauma in there. Something causing a sexual block. Something a sexual mage/sensual healer like me is more than equipped to handle. He's got an intimacy issue to sort though and he needs someone like me to get him through it and back to normal.

It's another test.

Can I help someone?

Can I find the energy in me to give to someone when I barely have anything to spare for myself?

I'm not saying it's going to be an easy test to pass. But, I'm not going to let that stop me.

 - The Hopefuls - I received a message last night from someone who led with Supernatural. Weird thing is this is the second time he's messaged me with pretty much the same opener, but last time he didn't bother to reply to my response. This time he actually kept up a dialog.

He's coming over tomorrow for a Supernatural Marathon.

We'll see how long that lasts.

I'm not sure what to expect, but I did write a Ghost Story bit yesterday, so there's a chance he's answering the call.

We'll see.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

*sigh*

I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't want to be without Bran anymore.

I don't want to constantly be on the hunt for Sweeties anymore.

I don't want to suffer the soul crushing depression related writers block anymore.

I just don't want to anymore.