Worth losing sleep over...

Pathfinder wrote me the most beautiful bit of prose to compliment the Ghost Story: My Valkyrie. I've posted it to Baphomet Called. It's titled A Warrior and a Gentleman.

I spent a good portion of yesterday descaling my Keurig with white distilled vinegar. I was up kind of late flushing the vinegar out of the coffee maker and I can't tell if I fully flushed it or not, but the machine seems to be working much better today and I'm also noticing that my coffee doesn't quite taste as bitter. So, that's a huge plus.

I hit the snooze for quite a while this morning. Not even limiting it to half an hour like I normally do if I'm not ready to get up yet. *sigh* I need to get more serious about getting to bed on time.

Might be difficult. There's a new blip on the radar that works second shift, so late at night and after my bedtime is the only time he can meet. But, something tells me this one is worth losing a little sleep over.

Some things are worth losing sleep over.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Valkyrie ended up calling in sick yesterday, so I didn't get to go see her for our regular session. But she called me.

I knew she'd call me.

That woman can't survive without getting her fix of my antics. She's so addicted to me.

LOL, I love it. She's fucking amazing. A total rock star and the only therapist I've ever had who's actually helped me. I think that's largely because she's just as fucked in the head as I am, so it's easy for her to dig deep and find the answers. They'll just download into her brain the same way they do in mine when others come to me for sage wisdom and advice.

And she adores the crap out of me. I'm the highlight of her week. She needs me as much as I need her and she needs me professionally as much as I need her.

It's a really good relationship. We're very symbiotic.

So, I got the chance to tell her that I think the Writer's Block is the Blue Falcon's fault, which means 'now that I know the cause, I can move forward and figure out the work around'. This will likely involve me going over my past journal entries to harvest all the pain from them.

Valkyrie got a huge giggle over the idea of 'harvesting pain' from old journal entries. But, that's exactly why I started this daily log to begin with. I knew something like this might happen some day and I prepared for it! Almost like I'm some damn writer survivialist.

I also got the chance to tell her what happened with the Blue Falcon last Thursday. How he totally jumped the hell out of me and we confirmed that he's still my sweetie. I think she's as relieved by this as I am. I don't think anyone, least of all me, is ready for me to lose the Blue Falcon as a sweetie yet.

At the very least, I think I really need Bran to be home by then if it does happen. When it does happen…

But, then I look at the Blue Falcon…

Realistically he's got the same problem that Set did. He's an amazing fucking human being that's going to be relegated to the friend zone by just about every woman who catches his attention. It's going to take forever for an ideal mate/child mother to see in him the things that I see… so, our relationship stands a good chance of going on for quite some time.

I also agree with the Valkyrie on the notion that the Blue Falcon's actions do not speak of 'not loving'. No one sees him not loving me. The Blue Falcon himself says that he can't feel the emotion of love… we disagree. His actions speak volumes of love. It's our group consensus that he feels love. But, due to his autism he just experiences it differently than he's been told it should feel, so he doesn't believe that he's experiencing it. But we're all pretty sure that he loves me.

Who knows, maybe someday he'll figure that out too.

 - Writing - I only got about 700 words into yesterdays Ghost Story installment before I was overcome by distractions and an appointment to keep with my case worker, so that never got finished or posted. *sigh* Not only that, my inspiration for it has crumbled to dust, so I'm just going to finish it. I'm going to do it fast - but not dirty. No sex. My inspiration doesn't deserve the sex.

From there I'd really love to take my blog commentator's suggestion and go a different direction with a Ghost Story, writing about one of my Cougars when she was still young and just finding herself.

BUT!

Now that I know where I am with this writer's block… that needs to be dealt with.

My battle plan for tomorrow, since I have nothing else going on, is to re-read Torvus from the beginning to get a refresher. Then start processing the critiques that are up.

That *should* be enough to jump start me and I should be able to start my brain gelling on SOMETHING by Friday.

*crosses fingers*

Wish me luck!!

Okay, so that means I'm probably going to be working on Torvus and not a Ghost Story for the next few days. So, hopefully that's okay with everyone.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - OMG, totally pathetic. 6 hours 54 minutes, 4x awake, 13x restless, total of 57 minutes awake/restless.  -  and I'm planning on staying up late again tonight?

WTF is wrong with me?!

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

HAH!

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - REALLY GOOD NEWS ON HIS END!!!

No, he's not coming home.

But the hours of his full time status have been adjusted from opening to closing. This means he'll be working a shift that is right in his comfort zone! No getting up in the ass crack of 'where the hell is the sun'. No getting up in the ass crack of 'I can't even pick up breakfast somewhere'. No getting up in the ass crack of 'I can't even call my wife to keep me awake on the ride into work'.

This will be great… he can call me just before mid-day, like he has been all along… And he can call me just about before I'm heading to bed.

I got no call from him last night, though… *pout*

Still, this is amazing.

Things are looking up.

Now if karma could just be a dear and wrap up these lessons, or at least give us some hints at what we still need to learn?

Come on, Karma… be a dear, would ya?

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Almost had a date last night… LOL. He's in the honorable mentions.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - It pained me to do it, but I've archived the conversations with the two I was hoping to hear back from. *sigh* They'll message if they need me.

 - The Hopefuls - Actually making some good ground here.

Hopeful 1) deeply aware, artist, actor. Wonderfully Alpha who Dominates by inflicting pleasure. We have plans for Friday that might include an overnight.

Hopeful 2) just graced my radar last night. He found me on Fet. He's married and not happy with his married sex life. He's cheating. This is not an open relationship situation, but I'm okay with that. Sometimes the Temple Whore is called to heal someone in this situation. You have to understand that when it comes to fidelity in relationships, I answer to an authority that is much higher and much older than our modern moral values. This doesn't mean that I don't respect the marriage… far from it. But in these situations, giving the man a safe place to get what he needs is the best way to protect the integrity of the marriage. He's going to step out anyway. It might as well be with someone who only wants to strengthen the bond he has with his wife by taking care of his more basic needs.

Okay… I'm off my soap box now.

 - Honorable Mentions - So, a few weeks back I got a message that lead with "I want to fuck you so hard you can't even remember your name." or something like that. I didn't justify it with a response, but I didn't delete it either. I must have gotten it after I'd already shut down for the evening and then forgotten about it. So, last night in the mid afternoon I got "Aww, I guess not?" from the same guy.

This got me going on how he can't just treat me like a collection of holes for him to stick his dick into. To which he reminded me that we've chatted before, but we just never got together like we'd planned. So, I tried REALLY hard to give him the benefit of a doubt and I told him he could still come over. But, I was still kinda hard on him about the being so 'sex focused' in his messages instead of being more 'person focused'.

He ended up bailing on me.

I apologized, but it was already too late to salvage the evening. I'd been too hard on him.

*sigh* I don't know… he just rubbed me the wrong way.

I'm perfectly fine jumping straight to the sex. I did that with Hopeful 2 last night. It went almost instantly to 'yeah, I got the pussy you need, let's sort out logistics'. Hell, if Hopeful 2 would have messaged me earlier in the night, I probably would have fucked him last night.

So, I'm not a total prude, and I will have sex at the drop of a hat.

But you have to hit the right button with me. And Mr. Honorable Mention just hit the wrong damn button.

I can't explain it…

End Notes:

So, that's where we leave it… Hopeful 2 is coming over tonight and we're going to see where it goes. He's also Dominant in the ways that I like to be Dominated… so, yeah…

Loosing sleep…

I does it.