Well holy fuck god
damn… it's been an interesting few days…
I told you I wasn't
worried. I knew the Ghost Stories would evoke the right lovers eventually. My
conjure and command did not disappoint. All I needed was patience and faith in
my gift. I knew I'd call something , and call I did.
But we'll get to
that.
Mental Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Therapy - My
one day break from the Sims has proved fruitful, I was able to quit the game.
I think I need to
shy away from games as a form of therapy. They just end up being constant grind
time sucks when I could be doing something way more productive.
Granted, productive
is _not_ happening. I spend most of my time camped out on the sofa and watching
horror movies. I don't even knit.
I know, I know… I'm
still in my cocoon.
Eventually I'll be
ready to emerge, whole and ready to create again… it's just going to take time.
I have a new beta
reader on Torvus. The kind that can really light a fire under my ass. Hopefully
the muse will be sparked sometime soon.
I think I need to
head over to Fet and research sex scenes, though. I feel like mine are just
starting to get too repetitive in the Ghost Stories. I know what I like and
what I like is pretty simple. I think I need to broaden myself out into what I
might enjoy in fantasy rather than writing what I know I enjoy in truth.
Or, maybe I should
ask around on that one?
Since it is my
sexual fantasy blog? Should I be writing for an audience, or should I be
writing for me?
Good question.
- Sleep /
Fitbit - 8 hours 27 minutes, 1x awake, 16x restless, total of 32 minutes
awake/restless. Not bad at all!!
- Fur-babies - I
randomly ended the Fur-baby dry spell yesterday. Someone was leaving my
apartment early in the morning just as the kitties were coming in from their
walk and Dreamy just sauntered right in. Splotches joined him soon after. So,
hopefully that sorts out whatever's been keeping them away.
Physical Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Blood Sugar -
I don't know why I skipped testing this morning… it should have been
fine.
- Exercise/Yoga
- I _really_ need to find some motivation here… I just have no idea
where to pull it from.
- Weight
Management - My weight loss doctor ended up being out for our
appointment today. We're rescheduled out for September. That's actually good
news as I can HOPE that Bran might be back by then and I might be back on my
proper paleo diet. (grump)
Relationships / Family:
I'm still in my own
private hell without him.
Recent sweeties have
eased the pain considerably, but the hurt is still there.
There are some
things to be happy about, though:
There's been enough
time and distance that I've forgiven him for everything that happened with
_her_. And recent events (the way he talks about her) have helped me to realize
that he sees her truth now. He sees her for what she is and he fucking hates her
more than I do right now.
He doesn't do
anything to be nice to her. Most nights he intentionally upsets her so she'll
sleep in the living room and he can have the bed to himself.
*sigh* He's back to
being mine again.
Now I just wish he'd
come home.
I miss him so much.
I was able to treat
her to something else too.
Friday night I
connected with someone new on OKC, and right away I knew he was spiritually
*open*, and also, he fucking loves offspring. So, by Saturday I was actually
inviting him over to spend the night just so he could meet the Unicorn. I
wanted her to have someone to talk to about her spiritual side that wasn't me
and she LOVED it! She enjoyed meeting him so much.
Unfortunately he got
to us very late in the evening and he was tired from a long day. So they didn't
get to chat for very long. Sunday morning he ended up having to leave right
away instead of spending the day with her like he'd wanted to.
She was very
heartbroken.
I feel very sad over
this.
Somehow I need to
adjust my call to pull a special kind of lover towards me. Not just someone who
can fulfill my needs, but someone that she can talk to as well.
This one won't be
coming back any time soon. He has other obligations that will have him far out
of state and soon probably far out of country.
Sometime he might
come back, and we can hope for that. Both the Unicorn and I have our reasons
for loving him and wanting him to visit again, but only time will tell when
that might be a reality and not just a desire floated into the wind.
In the meantime… I
really really need to call more spiritual men towards me.
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ If you're a reader and having
trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and
below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a
work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed,
don't worry, I'll get to you. ]
His code name is
Pathfinder. And yes, I know I'm breaking the rules by giving him a code name
before a second date, but this one is special and he was worth the exception to
a LOT of rules. Especially the 'only in town for one weekend / long distance
relationship' rule.
Yeah, he exceptioned
the hell out of that rule.
Pathfinder is a
soldier. He's on temporary leave from basic training, normally lives in another
state and was only in my area for the weekend, but OKC uses the GPS on our
phones to suggest matches, otherwise he NEVER would have popped up on my radar.
But, from the moment
I read his profile, I knew I needed to know him. I knew I wanted him in my
life, so I said hello.
He read my profile
and the feeling became quickly mutual. I appealed strongly to the sapiosexual
in him.
One of the things he
loved the most about me was my strength in juxtaposition with my submission.
He's not the kind of Dominant that gets scared away by a strong women. No, he
runs towards them.
He's also not the
kind of Dominant that seeks to 'break' a strong women and turn her meek and
useless. No, not at all.
He just wants to
feel something strong surrender in his grip. He wants to feel the power of
knowing he's holding something deadly in his hands and making it his.
You see where I'm
going with this?
Yeah, he's fucking
perfect!
He's exactly the
kind of Dominant I crave.
He won my trust
almost instantly… before I even met him in person, I trusted him completely.
Bending to him without breaking came as easy as breathing.
More than that… he
saw me.
He saw my true face.
Also before the
in-person meeting.
He knew what I was
from just words on a screen.
He saw my pictures
on OKC. He saw the fire and the fury in my eyes. He called me a Valkyrie
because of the way I scare away those that don't have the courage to come to my
side.
He saw me.
Warrior, Healer,
Screamer.
- 1) good company: Like I said, he got to us kind of late. But he
was a total sweetheart and picked me up a couple cans of coconut milk to
salvage my coconut curry rice. He also brought me flowers which sent me
scurrying about trying to find something to put them in! I finally found my
old, dented, Kleen Kanteen water bottle and they're on my kitchen table in
there now. But, I mean! FLOWERS! He brought me flowers. I can't even remember
the last time someone did something that sweet for me.
He sat on the sopha
with me and I held his hand. We kept things pretty chaste because the Unicorn
was there. It was nice to just sit and chat and be close to him.
- 2) good conversation: I mostly let the Unicorn dominate the
conversation, since at that time I'd brought him there more for her than for
me. He shared with us the reasons why he believes in the things that he can't
see. It's not because of anything that's happened to him, but because of
something that happened to a loved one of his. He also shared with us the
reasons why he won't kill any living thing and I ended up telling him the story
behind Larry, my pet scarab. (no, not a living dung beetle, but a small carving
that came out of a dig in Egypt).
Unfortunately the
conversation didn't last long because it had been a very long day for him and
he did need rest.
Sadly, as well… as I
mentioned before, he ended up being called away from us on Sunday and they
never got to continue their conversation.
- 3) good snuggles: Once we were in 'non-Unicorn' space, cuddles
did commence.
He loves my touch.
He calls my hands 'Magic'…
I wish I could say
that’s new, LOL. But it totally isn't. I get that a LOT. Men just seem to soak
up the ways that I touch them.
Snuggles don't last
long with Pathfinder, though…
He read my erotica
blog (the Ghost Stories) just to research how I love to be fucked. That's like,
one of my hottest turn ons right there. Any guy who researches me? Oh fuck
yeah, I'm so there.
Knowing that the
Unicorn was sleeping right out in the living room was supposed to keep us
chaste. Pfft! Yeah, like that was going to work. Pathfinder had us both naked
so fast, and then he was finding out just how wet I can get. He loved tasting
me and then kissing me after. I loved the way he pulled my hair and forced my
mouth down over his cock too.
I wasn't so much a
fan of the choking, though. He did it just a little too hard. I've only ever
liked the choking with one partner and I think the 'like' will probably be
unique to that one partner, but I’m not upset that Pathfinder tested that limit
with me.
The sex was amazing…
I just couldn't be as loud as I normally am because of the Unicorn. But, I
loved having him inside me. I loved surrendering to him. I loved the way he
kissed, the way he touched, the way he loved my claws on his skin…
--
Monday morning he
contacted me and apologized for never making it back on Sunday. He also said
that he felt I helped him in some way. I asked him to explain and he said he'd
have to tell me in person. He asked if he could come over, I said yes. He asked
if he could take a shower, also (of course), yes. I even made sure he got some
coffee in him.
He sat wrapped in a
towel on the edge of my bed and explained what happened to him. It was _not
good_... But somehow he came out of it unharmed. He believes it was the
Valkyrie watching over him that saved him.
I'm not denying for
a second that it's a possibility because, and I’m not scared to admit this, I’m
already very much in love with Pathfinder. The kind of trust and surrender that
I can experience with him doesn't come without the consequences of love. It's
not the kind of love that's going to make me super clingy or obsessed or
anything. But it's most definitely the kind of love that will have me watching
over him forever. He will always be under my protection. I'm his Valkyrie now.
That makes him just as much mine as I am his.
I had him slide back
onto the bed so we could cuddle. We wrapped our arms tightly around each other
and I told him that I believe my love for him extends past the bedroom. He
didn't seem to mind.
And then we were
naked and fucking, LOL.
He held my knees up
over his arms and pinned me down by the wrists while he pounded the holy
mother-fuck out of me… then he found out just how loud I can scream.
Back to snuggles, he
tells me that I even scream like a Valkryie.
*smile*
He wanted more time
with me… it was mutual… but he had to go.
I know I'll see him
again.
And I know we're
bound now. This is the kind of love that doesn't recognize time and distance.
Whenever he comes back we'll just pick up right where we left off. I will never
miss him because I will always feel him with me.
And he will always
know that I'm watching over him.
- 1) good company: He came over to watch a horror movie with
me. :)
A man after my own heart. Someone who will snuggle and watch a horror
movie. Just yesterday morning I'd heard about a new 'Instant Cult Classic' that had hit Netflix. 'The Void' was
supposed to call out to Lovecraft, King, and Barker and I tell you it did NOT
disappoint.
My charming
companion LOVED the white chocolate popcorn but Netflix was being fussy on the
TV, so when it was clear that we were both done with the popcorn I suggested a
change in venue and we headed into the bedroom to finish out the movie.
- 2) good conversation: After the movie we enjoyed some great
conversation. Earlier (during the popcorn making) I'd filled him in about Bran.
After the movie I told him about the Blue Falcon and Pathfinder. I told him
about the guy who wants to worship my feet too. He seemed to really enjoy
hearing about my other cubs. I guess it told him a lot about me or something.
- 3) good snuggles: He was truly an amazing snuggler. And he
commented on how much he loved my claws on his skin. He found it very relaxing
and said I was putting him to sleep.
GOOD!
I'm getting good at
claws.
- 4) good sex: We actually held off on sex! He prefers to NOT
have sex right away, so it just kind of worked out to our advantage that I'm in
the middle of my blood moon. It gave him a reason to not be seduced by my
touch.
Now I just REALLY
HOPE that he stays true to his word and that I see him again.
*crossing
fingers*looks up* Pretty please, oh High Ones? Let this one be a regular? Let
me have something to get me through now that the Blue Falcon is backing off a
bit?
- Updates on
Favorites -
- Blue Falcon -
Speaking of…
Not much to say
here. He's been busy, and tired, and busy…
*sigh*
August is soon,
though…
Once he's all
unpacked and settled, I’m sure we'll get back into a routine again.
- The One
Timers - Foot worship guy has also requested cream pie. Bran has given
me full dominion over my own body. I just need to be tested and treated for
anything nasty before he comes home if something bad happens.
Cool…
I can live with
that.
- The Hopefuls
- Some large cock tag team action that was supposed to happen this week
doesn't appear to be going down after all… I'm mildly disappointed here. I was
really looking forward to that. It would have been great research for a Ghost
Story.
- Honorable
Mentions - Nothing new to report.
End Notes:
Sorry about the
length of this entry… I know I gave you a lot to chew on, so I’m just going to
close and say good day to you now. :)
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