So fucking beautiful...

I had the best day yesterday…

I got to work early. I was reviewing another one of Geminae's crits before the clock had even struck 11 am. So, I was really proud of myself for having things underway so efficiently.

I was on my third crit when the Blue Falcon texted me. "Do you wanna hang today?"

*swoon*

I already knew I was getting stood up by my date, so of course I said yes. I told him I just needed time to finish reviewing that crit and then take a shower (and make the bed). We agreed to meet at 1 pm and he showed up right on time.

I'll tell you the rest in his section.

I just wanted to mention it early because my prediction has come to pass. Today I'm definitely all 'Fuckwad who?'

I'm so happy that the Blue Falcon is in my life…

He can erase pain so easily that it's uncanny. It's almost like he has some latent healer ability but since he's all science and no spirit, he'd never acknowledge it.

Either way, it's one more wound closed, because he does that. Even my old ones that continued to bleed for years… they're just sealed. Barely even a scar.

How fucking beautiful is that?

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - / - Writing - As I just mentioned. I didn't make it very far in reviewing crits yesterday before my day went into social mode. Geminae can definitely tell where I need things to go and he points out where things need to be reworded a bit. He's great at that. He's not rewriting the story for me. He only has the most minor suggestions in a paragraph or two. He mainly focuses on the emotion of the piece, which is exactly what I need him to do. He's wonderful. I love him. Granted it also helps that we're almost exactly alike. So, he knows precisely what message I'm trying to convey.

I also scored another beta reader on OKC. He's the first person besides Valkyrie to make it all the way through the text, so I was able to ask him some very direct questions about the climax of Act I. His reactions were perfect. I managed to convey exactly what I wanted to convey.

So, I know I'm right on target for Act I… I just hope I can get dirty again and start writing Act II.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - I pretty much ate a chocolate bar for dinner (stop judging me) and that had me dozing on the couch when I was supposed to just be winding down with my horror movie. Literally the second time I'd tried to watch it because the first time I couldn't stay awake either. Anyway, the Fitbit pulled in that time as well. So, 9 hours 30 minutes, 4x awake, 21x restless, 57 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Blood Sugar - 134 this morning, despite not eating much at all yesterday… okay…

 - INR - The Blue Falcon took me shopping to re-load up on my own ramen supply, which means I'll be into the Green Dragon hot sauce again. That should drop my INR's back to normal. So I'm just going to go back to my usual dosage on pills. I think that will be fine.

 - Exercise/Yoga - The Blue Falcon and I are working on getting my supplements. Especially the iron and the vitamin C. Then I can stop being so light headed and I'll be able to exercise more.

He's also going to come over and start forcing me to go on walks, LOL…

OMG… I love him so much.

 - Weight Management - I know I'm getting nowhere with weight loss, though. And it fucking sucks.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I was right. I did make him grumpy yesterday when I told him that we were only six weeks away from him being gone a year. He told me last night that he really dislikes being reminded of how long he's been gone because he's had so many things go sideways on him. Pretty much nothing has gone according to plan.

I think he's struggling with his failure complex.

I wish I could just hug him and tell him it's all going to be okay.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - My date for yesterday bailed/never checked in. But, I'm okay with that. I know this one struggles with some pretty serious emotional turmoil's and I’m guessing he's gone into hiding the same way that I do when I’m overwhelmed.

He'll show back up when he's ready.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I'm literally still in orbit.

Ye Gods, the things he does to me just by being next to me. Just by sitting and talking. Or cuddling. We don't even have to have sex and it's still this incredible time spent with him.

I found out as he was taking me home that the day was a wash for him. His original plan was to be road tripping to be somewhere else the entire day, but it didn't happen.

I don't want to say that I was his first thought when he realized he had nothing to do yesterday… because I don't want to jinx it… but it's starting to sound like that's what happened.

Anyway, so he got to my place at one, and he apologized for not hugging me the day before when he came to pick up boxes to help with his pending move. It turns out that we both regretted not hugging and it was even on his mind to drive all the way back to give me a hug, but he was so busy that day that it just wasn't a possibility.

We sat on my couch for a bit and I explained how my writer's block was all his fault. He found it funny that his helping me heal my old wounds is what's causing my failure to tap into the well of pain that I need to do my writing. He wasn't offended at all that I blamed him. He was just happy that he has such a good effect on me.

I hadn't eaten yet, and I was hungry, so I went to prepare second breakfast and we sat and talked while I ate. He'd already feasted, so that was okay.

After I finished eating we retired to the Chamber of Snuggles and things got naked pretty quickly. He was adamant that naked snuggles are the best snuggles and I know you know how much I agree with him on that.

There was this moment when I was holding him close and the pillow talk bug bit me… I wound up saying 'I love you'. The same bug must have bitten him because he said 'I love you too.'

We all know that's not possible. The Blue Falcon can't feel love. Or at least he claims that he can't. He doesn't show me that he can't. He just says that he can't. But I always feel him loving me… and now he pillow talked it at me… I tried not to read too much into it, though.

We cuddled for awhile and then after a bit we decided to head back to his apartment so I could help him pack a bit.

On the way there he told me that he wants to get serious about dating again. He asked me if I'd help him with an OKC profile. I told him, of course, I would.

His concern was that I would be assisting him in something that wasn't exactly in my best interests. Helping him find a girlfriend would mean giving him up sooner rather than later.

No. I told him it's okay. I explained that part of the Cougar Code needs to be my learning to let go when my cub is ready to move on to his nesting phase. I need to be able to set my cub free and hand him over to the wife and mother of his kids.

The Blue Falcon needs that relationship, so I need that for him.

I love him so fucking much that helping him move on is the most loving thing I can do for him.

We stopped somewhere so he could grab food. This place that makes really good potatoes. Not exactly fast food… but good food. Then we sat in the massage chairs at the mall while we ate. It was fun.

So, I helped him pack a little bit… not much. I scored a couple of laptop speakers and a large fan out of the deal.

He drove me past his new place on the way back to mine, and then we snuggled a little bit more while we watched the pilot of the original Twin Peaks. Unfortunately it was a double episode pilot and that meant no naked and no play time *pout*. After that he was ready to go home.

I mentioned that I need to go to Trader Joe's in the not too distant future and I explained about the ramen with the Green Dragon hot sauce. We're going to make the Trader Joe's trip soon, but he did take me to the grocery store to load up on Ramen last night because he's that kind of a sweetie. Then I remembered that I had a whole list of other things I needed from a regular grocery store, so I grabbed those things too!!

He dropped me off and I retired to my chocolate bar and my horror movie that I still can't stay awake through.

We spent like 8 hours together.

I love him so much.

And yeah… it's going to hurt like hell when we take it to strictly platonic, and I'm going to have to grieve that loss. But I'm sure I can handle it. It won't be like it was with Set. I'm sure of it.

I know I'll be able to let him go.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - I'm not worried about the ones that aren't talking to me anymore. I can thank Pathfinder for helping me understand what's happening there.

 - The Hopefuls - I have some dates coming up that I’m not all that excited about. It's more or less just me giving people chances and granting them the opportunities to surprise me.

Meh… I could take it or leave it.

 - Honorable Mentions - That one guy who chickened out and thought I was some sort of Axe Murderer is still trying to contact me…

*sigh*

I don't know…

I just don't know…

He seems to think that he'll actually go through with it if I give him a second chance, but I'm still really not in the mood to give it to him. To be brutally honest, I just don't fucking care about this guy at all. He can fucking rot.

It's like I said before… stand me up and you get no quarter with me.

End Notes:

I feel very blessed to have spent the day with the Blue Falcon yesterday. We have few of those left before the Unicorn will be here for her two week staycation. But, I’m sure there will be more times after that too, though.

*smile*

He said he loved me back…

*squee*

I know it was just pillow talk… but still…

*squee*