"Good morning.
The oracle guarded the Apple of eden and from time to time treasure hunters
would show up on her mountain. Pretending to want a word on their future but
truly only seeking one lick of the apple. She was not a miser with her gifts.
But with the revelation came the cry. It's her cry (her most powerful gift)
that scared away the faint of the heart. The world was torn between knights and
foot soldiers. A foot soldier seeks not the perpetual bliss that the Apple
shall grant him, but only the minute of fame the Apple could bestow. A true
knight could get through the oracle rather than trying to get past her. The
oracle must persevere for hers is the most noble of duties. Hers is the the
most powerful seat in the realm of the mortals. And it is her job (which she
willingly has chosen) to deliver to the heavens only the finest of souls."
Pathfinder wrote
that for me yesterday morning… then he moved on to clarify what it meant. He
was soothing me and my hurt feelings over Fuckwad rejecting me.
I get it.
I'm grateful to
Pathfinder. It did ease the hurt a little bit. But, like I said, it's still
going to sting a bit for a couple of days. My standard bounce back is 48 hours
and I'm about due for the 'getting over it'. Pretty soon I'll be saying F'uckwad who?'
--
In other news, my
date for last night fell through. It's okay. I totally understand that he's got
this huge project that he's working on and these are literally the worst 3
weeks to try dating him. So, I'm just going to let him focus and stay on the
back burner until he's ready.
This one needs some
loving touch.
And he's super
artistic/eccentric too… read as: INTENSE!
Maybe even intense
enough to put up with my special brand of bat shit crazy? Who knows. But I'm
looking forward to finding out.
--
Loose plans were
made a bit ago for a second date with someone today, but I've not heard from
him. :/ - so, no idea if he's coming back to collect or not. This one's not a
fuckwad, though. He's got a lot of personal issues and should probably be in
some sort of therapy or on some sort of medication, or very well he should be
doing both… but he's just trying to stick it out on his own. So, chances are
he's just hiding in some sort of breakdown 'dead space' and I'll hear from him
when he decides to poke his head out again.
Whatever… I'm
patient.
I've got work to do
today anyway.
Mental Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Therapy - / -
Writing - I made it through two crits on Torvus yesterday before I hit
brain melt and had to retire to my comfy couch and horror movies. I really need
a code name for this critiquer, because he's awesome and we're a lot alike, so
he really gets me and understands what I'm going for, so his emotional
reactions to the text are fucking perfect.
Wait!! I've got it!!
His code name is Geminae! Latin for TWIN! (he seriously is another me… we have
so much in common it's scary)
Anyway. Geminae
gives great crit and I can't wait to get back to his thoughts… but it seems my
brain can only take in so much before it's ready to shut down.
I hope I can take in
more today, but we'll see.
- Sleep /
Fitbit - 8 hours 24 minutes, 3x awake, 17x restless, 37 minutes
awake/restless. - it would be really nice to not lose so much sleep in the
middle of the night… but this seems to be adequate rest for me. I perk up
pretty fast once I get the caffeine going.
- Fur-babies - Splotches
dropped by yesteray. Catmom says he came in from outside and came straight to
my door. He did not request snuggles, though. If anything he just seemed really
agitated for some reason. Not sure what was up with him, but he definitely
didn't seem happy.
Physical Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
Stop judging me.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran - We
only talked once yesterday. He called me on his commute in, but not on his
commute out.
*sigh*
Things are bad…
Bites are being taken out of his bank account and he's not able to compensate
for the huge chunks of his money that are suddenly disappearing.
This is bad.
The whole point of
going up north (aside from the career move) was to get out of debt. But, now
he's hemorrhaging funds just as badly as when he was with me. This could mean
that he won't even have the money to come home once a position opens up.
It sure as hell
means that paying the Blue Falcon back isn't going to happen any time soon.
Fuck me.
- The Unicorn -
Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ If you're a reader and having
trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and
below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a
work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed,
don't worry, I'll get to you. ]
- Recent
Encounters - Nothing new to report.
- Updates on
Favorites -
- Blue Falcon -
I saw him for all of two minutes yesterday. We even forgot to hug. He
was just dropping by to pick up some boxes that I'd saved for him to help with
his move. The second he graced my company he went on about how busy he was, so
I didn't keep him, even though I really wanted to.
Our time will come
soon enough.
Once he's done
settling in… I know he'll take a few breaths and realize he misses me.
Naked cuddles and
other crazy antics will ensue.
LOL… I love him so
fucking much.
Relationships / Potentials
and Honorable Mentions:
- The One
Timers - So, I'm really not expecting that second date today, and I’m
okay with that.
- The Hopefuls
- Mr. Intense will take a few weeks before he can get to me… and then
we'll find out how strong he really is.
- Honorable
Mentions - I have to ask myself if I really learned anything from
Fuckwad or from my experience in being rejected by him. I mean, on the one
hand, ow. Yes, there is that… but, on the other hand, he wasn't all that
aggressive. He talked a good game, but he was kinda tame when it came right
down to it.
*shrug* Whatever…
End Notes:
So, that leads me to
the inevitable "Am I all that _hopeful_ about anyone?"
The last time I got
hit with a long line of one-night-stands I dropped into an Apathy Squared head
space where I was so accustomed to disappointment that I couldn't get even
remotely excited about anyone. I literally reached the point where I didn't
even care that I didn't care.
I really want to hit
some sort of happy medium there.
I'd like to get
excited about a guy, but then not be crushed when he disappoints me.
Take it or leave it,
a girl can only handle being crushed so many times, you know?
Pathfinder did a
good job of renewing my faith in men… but the guys since Pathfinder have been
kinda… blah…
Where can I hold onto the hope without loosing it every
time someone hurts me?
I don't think the
answer on that one is going to come to me any time soon.
Whatever… I'm
patient.
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