Let the brain hacking begin!

Being awake is so overrated.

I wanted to hit the snooze, but today is kind of a big day for me. So, instead, I'm here with my coffee and working on waking the fuck up.

Right… so I better get to it.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Now that I've pinned down the cause of my writers block, it's time to actually do something about it. So, today I have some things to get out of the way and then I'm spending the majority of the day reading my work and getting back up to speed on my own narrative. If there's time I might even start going over some of the critiques I haven't read yet too.

Hopefully this gets me going again.

Hopefully I can figure out a way to tap back into that well of pain that started me writing Torvus to begin with.

Hopefully.

 - Writing - My apologies, but this probably squashes the Ghost Stories for a bit. I can't pull my creative mind two places at once. Ghost would be a distraction and a time suck right now.

If I'm able to start working on Torvus again, I'll probably get back to my standard 2K in one hours worth of writing. Editing takes a lot longer, but on the writing days I'm done pretty quickly and I should still have some creative energy left in me to put into a 1K installment on a Ghost Story.

If any of you are addicted to my sex scenes, I'm sorry. My novel takes priority.

My therapist is beta reading my novel and she's going out of her fucking mind wanting to know what happens next.

If you want to read the novel in progress, you can do so here: TORVUS

 - Sleep / Fitbit - The fit bit pulled in the post dinner near-doze on the couch before the actual going to bed, so the numbers aren't quite there. 8 hours 29 minutes, 6x awake, 19x restless, total of 57 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Dreamy dropped by for a really short bit yesterday… he was in a mood too. Just antsy about something. Wandering around my apartment and squawking. When he came near my writing chair as I was working on yesterday's Ghost Story, I set the computer aside and asked him if he wanted to come up for snuggles. He squawked at me but then he jumped right up into my lap and stayed there for a little bit. I tried to soothe him by petting him, but he never purred or stopped thrashing his tail. He was definitely not in a good mood at all.

He soon jumped down and then when Catmom came back he raced to get back out of my apartment.

I think he wanted to be outside for a lot longer yesterday. It's summer, he probably wants to lounge in the sun and take a long nap in the grass, but she can't leave him alone out there like that. He needs to have a way back in. So we get moody kitty.

Poor moody kitty.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - INR - It was high yesterday. 4.6… Bran was the one who figured out why it suddenly spiked. Because the only thing that had changed was that I ran out of ramen to eat. Ramen shouldn't have been an issue, except I was dumping in a heavy squirt or two of the Trader Joe's Green Dragon hot sauce. The heavy greens in the hot sauce were probably loaded with Vitamin K. Enough to keep my INR much lower, so it spiked when I ran out of ramen.

Humph!

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - He had kind of a rough day yesterday. There was one day where they hadn't adjusted his schedule yet to closing. So, he'd closed the night before, and then opened yesterday. He think's he was going on about two hours of 'rest'. Not sleep, but just 'lay there and do nothing but try to sleep'.

Ugh… I feel bad for him.

We got to talk a little during his lunch break, and a little on his drive home, but that was it. Nothing really special in those talks. But, we're both happy that he's full time now. He's one step closer to coming home.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - So, this guy and I met on FetLife. And for the first time I really feel that Fet did a good job of helping me connect with someone I could really relate to and enjoy.

He's married and this is not an open relationship.

*gasp!* I know! For shame! How dare I?!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I answer to a much older and a much higher authority when it comes to the subject of fidelity in relationships. Not all the men who are sent to me for healing are going to be single or in open relationships, and sometimes the guys who are going to need my help the most are the ones who are in unfulfilling, existing bonds.

It's just my job to give them what they need so I can send them home, satisfied, and able to function as a better spouse/father. What I do actually protects the integrity of that relationship because I'm only in charge of the body. I always remind them of where their heart should truly lie, and it's not with me.

You have to understand that their minds are already made up. They're going to cheat anyway. So, better with me than someone else. Better with a healer/sex mage who knows what the fuck she's doing than with some random chick who's going to get totally obsessed with him and then try to destroy his marriage!

Okay, so now that we've gotten that out of the way… onto the date itself.

    - 1) good company: skipped

    - 2) good conversation: skipped

    - 3) good snuggles: skipped

No, he didn't fail the first three precepts. He was just really pressed for time.

Here's how it went down:  Tuesday night he found me on Fet and wrote to me, telling me he loved my profile and always had a thing for the Cougar/MILF's of the world. So, I stopped by his profile and I knew right away that I was being called. This one needed me.

We started discussing likes and dislikes, what was missing for him and me. We discovered quickly that we were an exact match. Opposite sides of the same Dom/sub coin.  If it weren't already so late at night during that conversation, we probably would have gotten together then.

Instead we planned it for Wednesday night (last night). It all came down to his ability to sneak out of work early to meet with me and then sneak back into work when he was done. It was all up to him… how much time he wanted to spend with me. How much or how little he wanted to savor the encounter.

It wasn't about me… even though I needed his style of Domination pretty badly.

Our original plan was about 9 pm, but just chatting back and forth about the sex had him so riled up that he just couldn't wait that long. He was with me by 8 pm.

He got to my place and we hugged, long and deep. Then I led him to my bedroom.

    - 4) good sex: I'm surprised we didn't kiss. That might be something he reserves for someone he's in love with.

I sat on the edge of my bed and he stood before me and asked me how I wanted him. I looked up at him and said "You're the one in control." I'm not sure he was expecting that.

He undid his belt and zipper pushing his jeans down and then he put my hand on his cock through his boxers. I stroked him a little through the fabric and then I pulled the waist band down so I could touch him skin-on-skin.

He asked me if I liked it and if I wanted it inside me.

I looked up at him and said yes.

Looking back on this now… I’m pretty sure he needed me to beg him more. I’m getting the strong sensation that he's not feeling 'wanted' enough in his existing relationship. Mental Note: Beg More!

He told me to take my clothes off and we both got naked. I laid back on the bed and he put a condom on.

He had already warned me earlier in the day that he might not last long because he'd been building up a lot of sexual tension since he started chatting with me.

I'm more than okay with this.

It's not about me.

First entry didn't work out well, the angles were off. Easy fix, though. I took, the pillow from behind my head and slid it underneath me. Angles were perfect then. He was able to get inside me, really deep, and he started pounding away.

He asked me if I wanted him to hold me down. Of course, I said yes.

He held my wrists down with his hands and I begged him to go harder.

He made me scream (naturally) and then shushed me down… so I had to hold back, even though I really wanted to scream with how good he felt inside me.

He was right… he didn't last long.

-- and that was pretty much the end of it.

It's unfortunate, but he'd gotten a text regarding a domestic emergency and he had to run. He apologized for having to run so soon after we were finished. I told him it was okay, and it was. I was fine. I gave him a long hug goodbye and let him show himself out while I got dressed.

I sent him my standard post sex thank you note, and I told him not to worry and said I'd love to see him again.

No response yet.

Ugh… you know I’m already worried it was just a one time thing.

*sigh* Time will tell.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing…

 - The Hopefuls - … new to…

 - Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:

I'm halfway through final coffee and feeling nice and perky…

Wish me luck on the novel today.

I have some other project/tasks I need to settle first, but I should be able to get to this soon.