Do not want.

I still think there's something wrong with me.

I don't want to see anyone right now, and yet I'm still making dates and then canceling them when I don’t feel like keeping them.

Something is very off.

On the other hand, the 'lonely' and 'alone' isn't as severe. I seem to be okay there… probably because I fed recently… but still… what does that mean for me once that feed wears off?

Ugh… I hate this sometimes.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - As expected, Valkyrie didn't blame me for not being attracted to my date from Tuesday. Once I explained what the problem was, she totally agreed with my reasons for being physically repulsed.

So, now I just don't know how to get out of this.

She says 'compliment sandwich'… which I will do if it comes up. He hasn't asked to see me again, yet.

Gods, I suck.

 - Writing - Still on hold.

 - Reading - I’m getting a lot more picky about what I read. Now, this is likely because of all the free books that I've been downloading, I now know that I have a much larger variety of books to choose from and I’m not obligated to read crap or sex that doesn't thrill me, just because the mighty D20 tells me so. I'm also going to stick to series where the rest of the books are on Kindle Unlimited, because that I can afford…

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 28 minutes, 1x awake, 13x restless, 33 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Blood Sugar - My doctors came to the consensus that I should raise the dose of my diabetes medication. Which I have. And I actually remembered to check my sugar this morning. It was 120, which is spot on perfect.

 - Exercise/Yoga - FUCK I don't want to… but I HAVE to.  *growl*

 - Weight Management - I think if I just keep it up with the zoodles I'll keep losing weight. I'm out of mushrooms, though. *grump*

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We got to chit chat a little bit this morning, which was nice.

He doesn't think he's coming home until after the first of the year… he thinks it's going to take at least that long for him to get his finances in order.

That was not the news I wanted to hear.

I'm so fucking done with this.

 - The Unicorn - Thank the gods there will be Buffy/Angel tonight to take my mind off things.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One-Timers - Nothing new…

 - The Hopefuls - … to report.

 - Honorable Mentions - I’m moving Tuesday's date down to Honorable Mentions.

I feel so bad about this because my reasons for being repulsed by him are things that are totally out of his control.

It's just that he was kind of a troll.

His natural smell was just this really off-putting aroma that I couldn't place, but he smelled nasty to me. And he had a full body acne problem. There were pustules on his back the size of a quarter. It was so gross touching him.

I’m disgusted with myself that I even let it go on for as many hours as I did. I just kept thinking it would get better and I would start to feel something for him that would cause me to overlook the deformity. But, no… cannot do.

Do not want.

End Notes:

So, now I just don't even want to see anyone.

I just want to be left alone.

Well, the exception being the Blue Falcon, of course. But the Blue Falcon is always the exception.

FUCK…

I just wish Bran would come home so I could have an excuse to focus on him and not have to worry about dating anyone else.