I think I’m going to be okay with this.

My so-called 'friend' dropped by last night.

Okay, before you say anything, keep in mind that this has been a particularly rough week for me depression-wise and I've been needing physical contact in a very bad way.

He offered me what I needed, and I decided to take him up on the offer, and it turned out to be not so bad this time. I actually enjoyed his company quite a bit and even found it worth losing sleep over. So, that's something.

But this whole 'just friends' thing?

Yeah… that held up about as well as a wet paper towel.

It's all down in the Recent Encounters report.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Now, again, I lost sleep last night, so the emotional regulators are going to be offline today. Plus I'm only about half a cuppa in, so I don't know where my emotional state is today. But, I can tell you that I got some much needed, quality physical contact last night and that should help balance my emotions more towards the happier side of things.

 - Writing - Still on hold.

 - Reading - I continue to learn more and more about what attracts me to a certain erotic romance piece over another. For example, I'm learning that I don't like the 'Bad Boy' types that lead with intimidation, fear, and general asshole behavior towards the girl. I'm learning that I much prefer the ones who are immediately smitten by their ladies and embark on a journey of seduction to win her heart and her body. So, I'm skipping a few books here and there if the romance is too 'dark' and 'mean'. I'll stick to the more 'flowery' sorts of paranormal romances. That's where I seem to live.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 6 hours. 3x awake, 8x restless, 22 min awake/restless. - NOTE - raised oxytocin and serotonin levels through excessive snuggling results in a more restful sleep! So even though I didn't sleep very LONG, I slept more restfully!

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Exercise/Yoga - Despite the sub-optimal sleep, I really am going to try to do this today. I know I owe it to myself to stay on top of it.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - He was really busy during the day yesterday, so he didn't have the opportunity to call me during his normal afternoon slot when he goes to retrieve the elder abomination from daycare. The screeching harpy made that run while Bran was making phone calls that were more important than me.

He called me last night when he was on the way to return movies to the library, though. I was just making dinner and waiting for my visitor, but we did get to talk a little bit. As usual, I have no idea what the fuck we talked about, so it must have been just the usual 'updates' and shit.

It was just good to hear from him.

I really miss him a lot.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Sure as shit, I give up on sweeties and then I end up recruiting one.

His code name is 'Bear'. As of last night he has survived a second date and requested a third, and those are the base requirements to make him an official sweetie.

Bear = because he gives these amazing, all-encompassing hugs.

    - 1) good company: He checks in on me… Way more than I check in on him, even though I do always respond to his messages I haven't really given him a whole lot to base a text conversation on. Last night he asked me how I was doing and I told him the truth. I told him I wasn't doing well and that on top of that I was isolating because it was better than a) plastering on a fake smile, or b) bringing someone else down with my terrible mood.

That's when he let me know that I didn't need to be fake with him and that he'd always be there to snuggle with me if I needed it.

*sigh*

You know I needed it, right?

You know how conflicted I've been over the fact that he's offering me a perfect sweetie relationship, and that it's just the lack of physical attraction that's holding me back?

I said 'fuck it' and I let him come over.

I figured we could spoon and that way I could avoid kissing (smelling) him, and also not have to touch his back.

Cold, I know.

    - 2) good conversation: One thing I really like about him is that he doesn't waste words. He seems really comfortable with silence when the snuggles are going on.

We did talk a little bit, but nothing in depth on any one subject. Just light things and then back to the snuggling.

    - 3) good snuggles: I will say this: (and I knew this going in last night) He is an exquisite snuggler. He's very attentive to my needs and he gives me the kind of soft touch that I'm famous for. So, he gives me what I'm so good at giving other people and it's NICE.

He made it clear that he cares about me. He made it clear that he will always be there if I need him. He held me tightly and he didn't let go.

It was really nice…

Really, really nice.

    - 4) good sex: As much as I wanted to avoid sexual activity - I knew I wasn't going to say 'no' if things heated up along those lines.

He started by just petting me through my yoga pants… then he raised it up a notch by trying to snake his hand down inside them… Unfortunately, for him, getting inside my tight underwear/yoga pants isn't all that easy.

More heavy petting and then he got up and stripped me naked from the waist down.

He is fucking amazing with his fingers.

That's it… just his fingers... But gods can he make me scream with just his fingers.

More than one I got that 'have to pee' feeling that a girl is supposed to get right before a vaginal orgasm and even after he was done my pussy was still twitching, so it seems that he got me very close to cumming. Kudos to him. He's gotten closer to making me cum than anyone else I've ever had.

And he LOVES to make me scream like that.

At one point, in the middle, I had to grab a drink of water because my throat had gone so dry from the sounds he was pulling out of me.

Then he quit when his hand got tired… And that was that. He didn't even ask me to reciprocate.

I actually feel kinda bad about that.

--

After the fingering from heaven, there was quite a bit of kissing, and he didn't smell bad this time. His scent was rather neutral, so it was okay.

And I just avoided touching the bare skin of his back and that was that I was okay.

So, there you have it, he's a sweetie now and I'm okay with it.

I guess at some point I'll have to address the back issue. I'll probably suggest a loofa and a good body scrub.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Yeah… so that didn't work.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One-Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - There's a Daddy Dom blipping my radar… I'm not going to be shy about the fact that that causes a few warm stirrings in interesting places.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

So…

I have a sweetie.

And a good one, it seems.

I think I’m going to be okay with this.