No bells and whistles.

I actually caught myself sending warm thoughts in Bear's direction quite a bit yesterday, despite the fact that he didn't check in.

I’m okay with the fact that he didn't check in, I was aware that he had plans and I guessed it was either friends or family that were keeping him busy. I know how important family is to him. So, I'm really not worried. I know how he feels about me.

I'm just weirding myself out by starting to reciprocate some of that emotion.

I guess I'm just so grateful for the way he took care of me two nights ago. He was really there for me in the exact way that I needed someone to be. He held me. He cared about me. He touched me.

I never needed the succubus to seduce him and it never needed to be sexual just for him to be in physical contact with me. He was happy to just be with me. No bells and whistles.

It felt good.

Really good.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I’m solidly blaming Bear for the fact that I felt better for all of yesterday. I even smiled a bit. There was no gut-wrenching pain over missing Bran and needing to be touched. I was fed and I was satisfied. So far I still seem to be well fed today too, but I think I should try to get Bear over here again sooner rather than later. No sense letting myself waste away to hungry and hurting again. Not when someone like him is so ready and willing to give me what I need.

So, that's where I am with the depression right now.

It's still THERE. It's still awful. It's still excruciating. But Bear gave me the strength I needed to ignore it a little better for awhile.

 - Writing - Still on hold.

 - Reading - I got to bed at 2 am the night before last, so I was pretty wiped out and nap needy yesterday. So I watched (and napped through) a movie or two instead of reading. And then I felt more energized and went back to my book a couple of hours before bedtime.

I’m really liking the new story I’m reading. It's the slow seduction kind of Paranormal Romance that I've come to enjoy and it's got a great internal and external conflict arc that's keeping the couple apart, so I’m enjoying this quite a bit. The author seems to know what she's doing and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the stories/books in this anthology/collection.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours 52 minutes, 2x awake, 12x restless, 37 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Blood Sugar - Oh, I know I'm supposed to check it! And now I'm being so obstinate that I don't even fucking bother even when I do remember. I'm TERRIBLE at this!

 - Exercise/Yoga - The newest routine I've been working with is a seated routine (so no worries about getting light headed - which has been happening lately), and it's only 20 minutes… so it seems to be getting a little easier to force myself to do it.

We remain hopeful.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We talked just a little bit yesterday. Nothing earth-shattering. I'm really not looking forward to him starting this new work from home job because I don't think I'm going to hear from him at all when that happens.

The one bright spot on the horizon is that it's only about 10 days before he meets with his landlord to discuss the lease.

So, a week and a half and we'll have a better idea of when he might be coming home.

I'm sure he's still thinking around the 1st of the year, though.

Because, the suck.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I sent him a text last night telling him to drive safe. He responded with an apology about not being able to hang out this past week. I told him 'no worries' and suggested we book some cuddle time next week. He said 'sounds good' and we left it at that.

I know it seems counterproductive, given what he means to me, but I hope he meets someone at this outing. I would really like to see him dating and I think I have a much better shot at surviving losing him now that I have Bear in my life.

I'm prepared to lose him because I need to be.

 - Sweeties -

 - Bear - Again, he didn't check in yesterday, but I’m okay with that. I know I'll hear from him and that I'll see him again soon. Once we're closer and a lot more comfortable with each other I'll address the issue with the acne on his back and see if I can get him to take better care of himself. Then I'll have no reason to hold back with him.

OMG, pun… I totally didn't mean for that to happen!

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One-Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - I sent a really long message to the Daddy Dom that blipped my radar, he responded with something short that really only touched on one of the things that I'd brought up… I'm a little saddened by this, I was hoping for a more in-depth conversation, but I guess he doesn't do so well at the words on a screen like I do. So I just told him that I’m really available quite a bit next week and I left it up to him to schedule an 'in person' with me.

We'll see where it goes.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

I'm not really sure what today will hold for me yet. I'm officially still waking up. I know there's some deep cleaning I want to do in the kitchen and in the bathroom. And I want to get back to my reading. So, I guess we'll see.