I'm getting through it… one step at a time.
Bran hasn't called in two days, so that sucks.
His one-year anniversary of being gone and he can't even get away long enough to call and tell me he loves me. He didn't even Snap or Telegram me either.
*sigh* Whatever.
I don't know why I would have expected more.
I'm sure something came up that was more important than getting me through this, but it only adds to my frustration of being so alone.
Yesterday was hard to get through. I wanted so badly to reach out to someone and find some comfort, but there was no one to reach out to. I ended up forcing myself to read while I waited as patiently as possible for the Unicorn to arrive.
Then we Buffy/Angel'ed… and that took my mind off things for a bit, which was good.
She's sick with a really bad cold, poor thing. I've been loading her up on cold medicine and Vitamin C, but it's really up to her body to fight this thing.
*sigh*
I miss Bran. I miss the Blue Falcon.
I just want someone to hold me so badly right now.
I miss being held. I miss not feeling so soul-crushingly alone.
But, there's nothing that can be done about that… This is the hand I've been dealt.
Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Therapy - I'm trying to keep up with the self-care as much as possible. I skipped oral care last night, but I did eat a really healthy dinner, so that's something, at least. It's harder to do some self-care things (like showering) when the Unicorn is here. Plus I got my period and I just don't bother with showers when I’m spewing blood like a murder scene.
- Writing - Still on hold.
- Reading - Meh… more horny dragons… yay.
- Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 3 minutes, 2x awake, 14x restless, 42 minutes awake/restless… so, okay I guess.
- Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.
Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:
Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran - Nothing new to report.
- The Unicorn - We made it through the part in Season 6 of Buffy where it suddenly became clear that we'd had the wrong Big Bad all along. And she figured it out. She didn't need me to clarify it for her at all. She just knew when it happened. And she's having 'same brain' moments with Joss now. She's saying things, whole lines, literally right before the actors say the same exact fucking things. Gods, she's fucking amazing.
Her cold got the best of her last night though, so we ended up having to pack it in a little early last night. She had to shut down mid-episode, so this morning we finished the Season 3 finale of Angel.
When I got up to make my coffee I heard her coughing and I immediately went and made her a cup of medicine. Her symptoms have abated a little bit, but she's still really miserable.
I made her a burger for breakfast too, but unfortunately, the cheese I tried to preserve is dead. It got moldy, and then I tried to freeze/thaw it… no… it was just gone.
I hope she feels better soon, but I know she probably won't. She doesn't have the strongest immune system.
We'll finish up Season 6 of Buffy tomorrow.
She's on Anime today.
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]
- Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.
- Updates on Favorites -
- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:
- The One-Timers - Nothing new to report.
- The Hopefuls - My one hopeful is continuing to be just that… he's been super sweet. I'm really glad I gave him a second chance and I'm really looking forward to meeting him in person.
Gods it's going to suck if he leaves me too.
That would probably be my death knell. I don't think I could try dating anymore after that.
- Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.
End Notes:
I don't know… I guess I just feel so done. I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired of being used for sex and then discarded like I don't matter. Like I never mattered.
I’m so tired of hurting like this.
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