Another Pre-Creation Phase?

I was finally able to start off with a proper Coffee and Contemplation this morning. I took in last nights episode of The Walking Dead. I'm on final coffee now, but I took a sip too soon and damn if that didn't burn its way down! (sadface).

Right now I have Pluto going in the background on Horror 24/7 - but nothing else is really on my mind that wouldn't be covered in the normal bullet points of the rest of my entry. So, I guess I’m just going to get on with it.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – One of the writer's groups that I belong to on Scribophile is Word Warriors, which is filled with other writers who use their work as a form of therapy. Once a month our moderator asks us to check in and tell everyone how we're doing. This morning I wrote about how happy I am that Bran is finally home, but also about my struggles with the adjustment period. I told them about my panic attacks around my trust and abandonment issues, but also how my trust issues regarding how much I trust myself are a problem.  

It's not just about whether or not I trust Bran to stay true. It's about whether or not I trust myself to survive if he decides he'd rather be elsewhere.

I survived once with him gone.

I should be able to survive if he decides to be gone for good.

Why can't I trust myself in this?

This is very disturbing.

- Writing – Well, this is annoying... I feel rested enough to try writing today... but I'm not sure if I feel emotionally rebuilt enough to try writing today.

I think today's creativity is going to be Yarn Therapy... I think I’m back in the pre-creation phase again.

- Reading – Meh, and Bleh... I can't wait to be done with The Handmaid's Tale – and I’m pretty sure that Alien Conquest isn't going to survive the 5-Chapter rule.

- Sleep / Fitbit – The readings are off because I dozed a bit while I was trying to watch a movie after the Unicorn went home with her dad... Meh...

- Fur-babies – No Dreamy yet this morning, but it's raining outside so he might not have gone for his walk at all yet. I'm not worried. I’m sure I'll see him soon.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Exercise/Yoga - I have enough room in the bedroom that I could do a seated workout if I wanted to... problem is, I don't want to. I have no fucking desire to exercise what so ever.  

I think this is going to come down to Bran and I joining a gym after we make sure we've paid the Blue Falcon back.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – We didn't exactly cuddle last night/this morning, but he did reach out for my hand a couple of times. I love that. I love it that he needs the reassurance that I’m there, or that he's offering me the reassurance that he's there. It could be either one, or both.

Also... he very much has the Dreamy seal of approval.

Yeah...

That means something.

When the registered therapy cat actually gets up and very personal (laid right on his chest to say hello) with someone, that means that person is already accepted and loved.

When a cat like Dreamy says 'this guy is a good guy and I like him' - it's worth listening to.

- The Unicorn – Yesterday was a pretty special 'Family Day'.  

On Saturday she was off doing her own thing in the living room with her Anime and Bran was in the bedroom with me. She came in to look for something and she needed the light for it. Then as she was leaving she almost forgot to turn it back off. Bran play shouted 'Aziz!', and that got me giggling, but of course, the Unicorn didn't get the reference. Just to be sure, I asked her if she'd ever seen The Fifth Element. She had not.

So, yesterday, after she woke up. The FOUR of us (Dreamy included) cuddled and watched The Fifth Element together. She really enjoyed it. Her favorite part was when they opened up the stones.  

Then Bran ran errands and she and I did our normal Sunday thing, which right now is flipping back and forth between Voltron and Season 5 of Angel. We're almost done with Angel, then it's back to Supernatural from the beginning.

When Bran came back from his errands he tossed something at us. NATURALLY he tagged me right in the nipple with it. Which fucking hurt like hell. But, it wasn't for me.  

It was a little gift for the Unicorn.

Hot Chocolate on a stick: Just heat up some water or milk and then stir with the chunk of chocolate on the end of the wooden spoon until it's dissolved. And boom, hot chocolate.

I told the Unicorn that little gifts like that are how Bran shows love. If he really cares about you, he'll do little things like that for you.

That made her 'awwww'…

It was sad letting her go, but I get to see her again for a little bit on Tuesday. The Blue Falcon and I are going to her winter concert. Bran isn't going because he'll be working.  

It's all good.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

Bear checked in last night. He asked when he can see me again. I explained again what the situation is. He gets it... but I can tell he must miss me terribly or he wouldn't have asked again. I know he should be okay, but I do worry about him.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

I have even less to say in closing than I had to say in opening...

I better just get on with it.