I used to be so good at this...

I really need to start setting an alarm for the mornings again.  

Going to bed whenever Bran decides to go to bed is fine. Not getting up when he has to get up has been working out great. I get enough sleep that way. But, staying down for almost 10 hours and not rolling out of bed until ONE in the afternoon, that kinda shit has got to stop.

I need to at least try some semblance of productivity. Even if it's just this blog entry and knitting for the rest of the day. It's shit that I need to get done.

I used to be so good at this... in bed at 11, up at 8, productive, productive, productive...  

Now, no matter how much sleep I get I'm tired as hell and my productivity is crap.

*grump*

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – Every once in a while I get twinges about the sweeties I miss. The Blue Falcon is working out twice a day and he's looking so amazing... I just want to do naughty naked things with him... but he's off the table for now. Friday tapped in and I actually dreamt about him last night... he's got all that sexual aggression that I need so badly.

And yet, I know this is Bran's time. I should be 100% focused on him.

It makes me feel like something is wrong with me, that in my thoughts I'm already straying. But, then again I wonder if Bran would even care. He's seemed so open about sharing me with Bear already, even though we haven't made moves to make it happen yet, it's going to happen and we're both aware of it.

*sigh*

Bran knows I love him.

He must know that I love him.

- Writing – Still on hold -  I'm closing in on finishing Misha's other leg warmer, tough.

- Reading – I haven't picked a new book yet. I should get on that.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 9 hours 40 minutes, 15 minutes to fall asleep, 3x awake, 14x restless, 44 minutes awake/restless. - and yet I'm still I'm tired as hell... ugh... more coffee!

- Fur-babies – Dreamy paid quite the visit last night. He was here for like 2.5 hours and most of that napping on the edge of my bed. But, there was also licking a piece of peperoni from a freshly baked frozen pizza. Visiting Bran and laying down in his favorite chair in the living room to be close to him. Getting some loves and pets from the Blue Falcon. - But, most of it was the napping.  

He's a good boy.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Inflammation - // - Exercise/Yoga - I DID get the chance to tell the Blue Falcon about my workout woes. I can't tell if he was sympathetic to my inflammation issues or not. I don't think I made it clear enough that if I'm exercising to the point of inflammation, especially in my joints, that I'm exercising to the point of injury. But, I think he kinda got it. I also told him that I was advised to just ratchet it back a bit. I was told to still exercise, but just not as much or not as intense.

I think he got it.

I hope he got it.

I can't take him being disappointed in me.

I need him too much.

Yes, I know exactly how fucked up that sounds.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – Not really much in the way of updates that I haven't already said...  

I love the way he reaches for me at night. It almost feels like he needs the reassurance that I'm there. Or that he needs the physical contact... the connection... I don't care what it is that he needs. I just know that I love it when he reaches out for me.

Also, I have some sort of crazy, fucked up reflux thing where if I eat or drink too much of something, it likes to shoot its way back up my esophagus when I’m laying down and I almost choke on the bile. The acid tears up my throat and then it's so irritated that I have trouble getting back to sleep.

That happened last night, and while I was lifted up, trying to get everything to go back down, Bran reached out to comfort me by stroking my back.

He's just so loving.

I love him so much.

- The Unicorn – Staycation Part I is almost done – she goes back to her dad at 7PM tonight. We're actually going to finish Season One of Supernatural today. How fucking cool is that!! - We're current on RWBY too! - We managed both amazing things in the span of one week.

We fucking rock.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Ye Gods, I want him...

I hope I get to be with him again at some point. Either now'ish, before he starts dating someone. Or in the future if that relationship doesn't hold.

I will always want him.

- Sweeties -

- Potentials -  Friday – We got a chance to chit chat a little bit more yesterday. It's amazing how much I still mean to him. How much he still needs me. No wonder I dreamt about him last night. His need is overwhelming.

Funny thing is, it was just a few days ago that I was thinking to myself "No one would ever obsess over me." - I was thinking I'm too old, too fat, too ugly to be a good Cougar anymore. I was thinking that no one would ever want me enough to force me. No one would ever pin me down and fuck me as hard and as deep as I really need to be fucked.

I had resigned myself to this. I just accepted this as my life, that with Bran back I missed my window. I just figured that I missed my chance to experience that kind of desire. I figured I lost out on being that kind of a necessity to someone.

And then Friday taps in, and I’m exactly that for him.

He thinks about me all the time.

He needs me.

He needs to fuck me.

He has a thing for women exactly like me, but more to the point he and I have a connection that just makes this all the more intense for him.

And he's got the aggression that I need.

He can fuck me the way I need to be fucked. The way that everyone else is too gentle to fuck me.

So, I need him too.

Someday, we're going to make this happen.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder – I’m willing to bet that he's happily with his family right now. I haven't seen any Facebook updates... hopefully, we'll see some soon.

Relationships / Just Friends:

I really should tap in with Jasper at some point... I should check on him and make sure he's okay.

End Notes:  

I’m waking up now...  

Time to get moving.