I'm just logistically screwed...

I see now that I'm dealing with more than just sleep disruption. I'm dealing with total routine disruption.

I'm okay.

When I knew there was going to be an adjustment period, I had assumed that it was going to be the emotions of adapting to life with a live-in partner again. I hadn't thought about the logistics.

In the morning, I feel guilty for my normal snooze-alarm half hour wake up time because I know that's disrupting Bran's sleep on some level, even if he's able to fall right back asleep regardless.

Coffee and Contemplation has been impacted. Over this 4-day weekend of the Unicorn's, I've not been able to wake up while catching up on a show. If I did so in the bedroom, I'd wake Bran up. If I did it in the living room, I'd wake the Unicorn up. If I did it with headphones, I'd miss Catmom's knock to let Dreamy in for his nap.

So, Coffee and Contemplation on these mornings has been reduced to 'reading' for the first two cups of coffee, and then starting on the morning blog entry while drinking the third.  

As for the rest of the disruption, most of that has to do with how tired I am from the sleep disruption specifically. Household chores are being completely blown off... and I also have zero energy for anything creative, which is a total bummer.

I also seem to need a nap in the pre-evening.  

None of this is earth shattering. It's all first world problems. It's all part of reacclimating to life with Bran again. I just expected most of the work to be emotional, I hadn't considered the logistics.

Emotionally, I had expected to feel like Bran and I were stating over from zero... which didn't happen... when he's with me I'm 100% comfortable with him, like he never left.

I'm just logistically screwed.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – My mental state this morning doesn't seem to horribly off kilter. Bran ran some errands last night and I did panic a little bit, but then he spent part of the errand on the phone with me and that was wonderful. Yesterday was also the Unicorn's anime day, so she was left largely to herself and Bran was in the bedroom with me. I encouraged him to do some gaming and I think that was a really good thing. I want him to know that he's still allowed to decompress and that this place welcomes his relaxation.

- Writing – No idea.

- Reading – Still on the Handmaid's tale, I'm about ¾'s of the way through it. When I'm done with that one my next literary book will be the complete works of HP Lovecraft. I found that for free on Amazon! (yay!) - That other book, though... Vicious Depths, I think? Yeah, it didn't pass my 5-Chapter test/rule - I left a one-star review and called it boring. Now I’m reading 'Alien Conquest', part of the 'Celestial Mates' series? Ye Gods, I'm not even up to the fifth chapter and I'm already regretting it.  

I’m really hoping I find a good read again soon.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 7 hours 37 minutes, 3x awake, 11x restless, 36 minutes awake/restless. - This isn't horrible. I should be striving for something closer to 8 or 9 hours a night... but this is okay. My body will get used to it eventually.

- Fur-babies – I'm looking forward to seeing Dreamy today. He's such a good boy and an absolute puddin' belly.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Uhhhh...

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – One thing that concerns me is that Bran is back to not cuddling at night and I really don't know what that means. I don't know if that was just him needing reassurance the first few nights, or if he's just pulling back more now... I’m totally confused by this.

The other thing I find unnerving is that he spoiled me a bit yesterday.  

He took care of my banking for me instead of making me get dressed and leave the house to handle it myself.

He took out the garbage and recycles for me instead of leaving me to handle it on my own, and he really did not have to do that.

He went out of his way to bring me jalapeno stuffed olives when he found out they don't carry them at one of our usual stops anymore...

He actually tasted my chicken noodle soup that I made for the Unicorn and implied that he might eat some of it himself.

He didn't have to do any of these things. All of them were totally unexpected.

Are these expressions of love?

Is this his love language?

Is the 'do nice things' part of how he communicates his affections?

I really wish I knew.

I don't like being spoiled anymore. I spent so much of the last year+ working on my independence... I don’t want to get used to depending on someone again.

I don't want to be lured into the trap of taking him for granted again.

This is not good.

I have to make sure I work extra hard to appreciate him more.

- The Unicorn – We found out last night that the Unicorn has never seen The Fifth Element.

There is a plan in motion to fix this today.

:)

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

Nothing new to report.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

I gotta wrap this up... even though I'm typing on November's quieter keyboard, it's still waking Bran up a bit.

Take care, Everyone!