Worth losing sleep over...

My head is kind of in that 'nowhere space' of 'why am I awake?'  

Bran continues to be challenging to my sleep cycle, but I still seem to be okay. I mean, I'm functional at least... to a degree anyway.  

Anything that requires actual concentration or energy is a no-go. So, you won't catch me writing when I'm this tired. Knitting is out too. I seem to be fine reading, though.  

Don't worry, it's not all bad, it's just an adjustment. I'm sure that eventually my body will acclimate to getting less sleep, as well as the cycle itself being just a tad more unpredictable. It will take some time and I’m okay with that.

In  the past, I would have just had Bran sleep on the living room sofa and taken the bed to myself. But, it doesn't seem as if either of us want that now. Keep in mind, he HATES my bed!! It's too soft for him. It makes him flash back to a traumatic encounter where he pitched his tent in quicksand. And yet, for the last week he hasn't complained about my bed at all. Not once. He even cuddles!! In his sleep!! He reaches out for me!!

Sleeping next to Bran that way is worth losing some sleep over!

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – I’m not worried about the fact that the Abandonment and Trust Issues are still there. These are natural to my mental illness and compounded by two years' worth of additional trauma. It would be perfectly natural for me to not trust anyone at all right now. And for the part that Bran played in the two years of trauma, it's especially natural for me to not trust him.

Read As: Today I’m okay with the fact that I'm not okay.

Other days I’m really not okay. I just want to be able to trust him again.  

The trick is to separate what I feel for him now, and to separate that from what the mental illness is doing to me.

When he cuddles me, I know he's mine.

When he sleeps next to me, I know he's mine.

The rest will come in time, and time is all we need.

- Writing – It will happen when it happens.

- Reading – I finished Veil of Darkness, it never really got better. I wasn't impressed. I'm not really interested in reading more from the author despite the fact that I consider him a friend. The best I could do was not writing him a 2-Star review on Amazon. - Now I'm reading a new fluff book. I'm past Chapter 3, but so far this is equally non-impressive. I'm not even sure this will survive the 5-Chapter rule.  

Eventually I'll read something that reaches me again. So far it's mostly been slush.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 7 hours 14 minutes, 5x awake, 22x restless, 63 minutes awake/restless - YIKES! Over an hour of non-sleep? Not good.

- Fur-babies – Dreamy is being Dreamy. He's napping on top of the clothes I intend to wear today. LOL.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – Last night he finished work earlier than I'd expected, but he left himself largely to his own devices while the Unicorn watched more of her Anime on the big screen in the bedroom with me. Then 11 O'clock rolled around and I sent her out to the living room to tell him it was her bedtime.  

He let us both know that he had to be on the phones earlier than normal this morning and asked if we were both okay with that. Getting woken up early because of him. He offered to sleep on the sofa.

Ugh... I just couldn't take it. It felt like one night without him would kill me. So, I told him that sleeping next to the Unicorn was like sleeping next to an egg beater made of elbows and she said she didn't care if he moved her in the morning as long as she was able to get back to sleep. I have no problem being quiet for her, so that was more than fine with me.

So, the Unicorn went to bed and Bran came in for the last bits of his wind-down before he was ready for sleep. We watched the movie Arrival and then went to bed.

There were cuddles.

Relationship-wise, I feel the safest when he's close to me.

This probably makes me very clingy.

…

Fuck.

- The Unicorn – She finished the existing season of one Anime and then started the new season of another. She was very confused about the new one because the series claimed it was done with itself. So, I looked it up on Wikipedia and found out that this one was happening in/on an alternate universe/timeline. Then it made sense to her.

Then she was trying to remember the classes of the fighters and off to the Google's I went again and I found out this information for her. Srsly, there is no knowledge she needs that Mom and Google can't find for her. LOL.

Also, yesterday she needed to do her homework. She had to do some practice songs for her upcoming winter concert performance at school. But she couldn't find the songs/links to practice them.

Long story short: Mom to the rescue again. I get a daily email from her school that lets me know what her current assignments are and right now it's complete with links to the songs she has to practice.

I fucking rock this mom shit!

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

Bear checked in on me last night, I told him how well things were going and he told me he was happy for me. He's keeping busy on his end, but it was also implied that he misses me. I'm going to contact him for some cuddle time when Bran goes out of town. Not because I need it, but because he needs it and I don't want to completely abandon him. It's important to me that he knows I still care.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

I’m much more awake now... all the coffee is in my system and I really need to get going. I have an appointment to keep today.

My case worker and I are completing some paperwork in the process of my legal name change.