I hope Misha likes his leg warmers...

I'm not going to get into too great of detail on why I took yesterday off or why I feel like I'm crawling through molasses today. I mean, I know you get it, I'm fucking tired. Sing a new song already, right?

In other news, we've hit the show hole of the mid-season finales for the winter months, which will no doubt leave my brain scrambling for something to entertain it. Thankfully I have books.  

Oh, so many books.

Bran sometimes plays video games that I like watching him play.

Outside of that, I'm in a knitting phase right now. That's a pretty common creative phase where I don't have the juice to write, but I'm still feeling artistic.

I hope Misha likes his leg warmers.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – I'm starting to panic less when Bran runs errands. I'm reminded that he tends to make friends no matter where he ends up and sometimes he ends up chatting with them endlessly.

I DO still panic a little bit... but it's not always as bad.

Outside of that... he keeps doing those little 'I love you' things in his love language that remind me of where his heart is.

I was even a little cranky with him this weekend due to A) blood moon, and B) lack of sleep (his fault) and when I caught myself being cranky, I apologized immediately, and then he just laughed it off.

He just laughs it off like 'Hunny, do your worst.'

I know I've been way crankier than that with him in our previous life, but I really am trying to be always loving with him now.

I need him to know that.

- Writing – Still taking a break... just fatigue winning out... I'll be knitting or napping instead.

- Reading – I’m in book 3 of the shifter series now and this one isn't pulling me in as quickly as the other two did. We've got an asshole of an Alpha, and you know how I feel about those.

If I'm awake enough later I'll try to finish Call of the Cthulhu.

- Sleep / Fitbit – I keep forgetting to manually put my Fitbit in sleep mode. *grump* - I was really tired and resting a lot yesterday, but I most certainly did NOT sleep for 16 hours and 34 minutes!

- Fur-babies – No Dreamy this weekend... I think the whacked out sleep cycles have caused us to miss our Cat Therapy windows.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Blood Sugar – Woops! Bran bought me a doughnut... and I ate a bite of said doughnut before I noticed the glucometer sitting on top of the coffee mug.

- Exercise/Yoga - I skipped Saturday due to A) onset of blood moon and B) foreknowledge that I would be hitting my step goal with all the shopping. - I skipped yesterday (Sunday) due to extreme fatigue.

Today doesn't look good either... I'm just way too tired.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – I fucking love how cuddly he is. It goes a long way towards making me feel loved and secure with him.

I enjoy being next to him while he games too.

Other than that... I really don't have much else to say... I'm just adoring every moment with him nearby... even when he's keeping me awake to the most ungodly hours. It's still time with him that I cherish.

I love having him home.

- The Unicorn – The Blue Falcon should have her winter holiday gift. Hopefully he can drop it off this week so I can give it to her this weekend.  

I’m really excited to see her reaction.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – I didn't get to see the Blue Falcon last night for Movie Night because he was sick, but I did log onto his movie night channel and I did join in the fun. We watched Event Horizon, which was a pretty fucking good movie.

I didn't even miss not seeing him.

Previous to Bran coming home, it would have devastated me that I didn't get to spend physical time with the Blue Falcon... but now, I'm totally okay.

I have Bran back...  

All is well.

- Sweeties -

- The Dragon – He pinged on Saturday.  

Really, just a lewd, sexual ping that would have been more than okay a year and a half ago, but now sets me on edge. With my recent months of dating drama and shitty one night stands, I've been totally turned off to guys with a primarily sexual drive and that's right where the Dragon hit me. It's not his fault. In the past, it would have been fine, but now, not so much.

I just told him that we missed our window and that Bran is back home. Then I apologized for it. I said 'I'm sorry about that.' and the Dragon responded with a very curt 'I'm not'.  

I’m not even sure where the fuck to put that... like what does that even mean? Did he just give up on me all the sudden?

Would it kill me if he did?

Truthfully... I needed the Dragon during the last two years because of all the drama with Bran, but that drama is behind us now. The Dragon only showed up when I was deep in my darkest holes anyway... so, what if I'm done with those dark places? Or at least done with dark places that are deep enough for me to need (specifically) the Dragon's help?

What if I'm just over it?

'Cause I think I kinda am.

--

- Bear – I'm very sad to report that Bear doesn't seem to be moving on nearly as well as I was sure he was going to. I was so certain that he was going to be just fine without me... but, it turns out that this is very much not the case.

I don't know what to do about it.

I just don't have the space to be there for Bear right now, nor do I feel right about sending Bran out to give me that space. And, yes. Bran has offered.

If Bear could host, that would be one thing, but my bed is exclusively Bran's territory for right now.

I wish Bear was okay with that.

I mean, he is... but he really misses me.

I feel so bad for abandoning Bear, but I also need to focus on Bran right now.

If Bear could host, it would be totally different.

I'm not out of Bear's life... I just won't be bringing anyone else home until Bran is off doing something else that he needs to be doing.

Bran does have plans to be gone for a few weeks a couple of months from now... that gives Bran and I lots of time to re-bond and rebuild. It also gives Bran a place to be that's not a shopping mall. He'll be where he's needed. I'm not sending him away just to fuck some other guy. He'll be leaving for his own reasons.

That's when I'll see Bear again.

Hopefully Bear can keep it together until then.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder – Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

I'm waking up a little bit now...

Still only knitting today.

Fuck everything else.