I had the most
amazing morning yesterday. I was so on top of everything. By the time my ride
came at 12:45 I'd done coffee, morning yoga, a shower, a thousand words in
Torvus and made myself a lovely breakfast of basted eggs.
My regular Wednesday
appointments went down without a hitch. I even had a nice driver on the way
home…
Not only that, but
the second half of Torvus literally wrote itself in my mind on the way home.
Everything I was having trouble figuring out just CAME TO ME.
And then once I got
home I noted everything into Scrivener, and then…
I don't know what
the fuck happened. But, it was like my whole world caved in.
I was forced to just
take a break. Drink some wine and cry it out.
I was on the phone
with Bran for part of that. Crying the whole time. I told him that he wouldn't
break me if he decided to stay gone. I told him I'd just move the fuck on. He's
the one who left me to fend for myself and despite the occasional depressive
stint, I am THRIVING!
And I did figure out
what was bothering me.
It's Daniel. The
male half of my OTP. He's everything I want in a lover.
Gingersnap saw so
much of himself in Daniel, he told me that's why he was so comfortable being
himself with me. And I don't know what it is about him, but I 'sense' Daniel in
him too.
So, this all comes
down to "I found a Daniel", which I never expected would happen - and
- my Daniel has no time for me, and I need him so much right now.
It's not Gingersnaps
fault. I don't hold him responsible in any way. I just miss him.
I miss him, and it's
making me sad…
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