I need a better support system.

I really wish I could get the guys my age or older to stop trying to flirt with/date me. I'm really not attracted to them. I like my boys young.

Of course, the downside there is that the young ones are only interested in their quick gratification and then moving on. They're not all like my beautiful Blue Falcon who actually comes back and takes an interest in a friendship and who I am as a person.

*sigh*

I need friends now.

I need people who are going to be there for me when Bran doesn't come home.

I need people who are going to grab a bottle of wine, come over, and just sit with me and talk for a bit. Maybe watch a movie or do something else to distract me from the pain. Something that isn't sex where they just get up and leave right after and then never speak to me again.

I can't keep putting all of this on the Blue Falcon. He won't always be there.

I need a better support system.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I see Valkyrie today… we'll see how she feels about weighing in on the friends thing

 - Writing - Still on hold

 - Reading - I have 90 books I have to sift through for download…

90

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 5 minutes, 3x awake, 10x restless, 28 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Splotches and Dreamy dropped by for a little bit yesterday, but no cuddles were requested. Dreamy was really agitated for some reason. He didn't want to be in my apartment. He wanted to be home. He was probably just hungry or needed to use the litter box. The Unicorn got to pet Splotches a little bit, so that was sweet.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - INR - I still have giant bruises on the backs of both hands from last week. I hope my INR is normal to the finger poke this week or they're going to have a hell of a time trying to draw blood out of me from under these bruises.

 - Nervous System - FINALLY I get to see him tomorrow. My body has been all fucked up since that road trip!

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Nothing new to report.

 - The Unicorn - We had a good Buffy Angel day yesterday. Then in the prevening we took a break to meet a new friend. He's someone spiritually open that the Unicorn doesn't have to hold back with. She needs that so much in her life. He really loved meeting her too. HE was the one who sent ME the thank you note!! So I know we'll be seeing more of him!! - Just not before March of next year. He heads out for Army Basic Training in a week. He was super sweet, though. I'm going to teach him psychic self defense and spirit communication. (as well as some other things, I'm sure)

Then the Unicorn and I were JUST starting another episode of Buffy when the Blue Falcon called.  :)

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bios there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters -  Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - He just happened to be right in our neck of the woods as he was heading out to the Blue Sun soda shop, so he called to ask if we'd like to go to the soda shop with him.  :)  What a fucking SWEETIE!! I had $10 on me, so the Unicorn and I got 5 soda's for ourselves, 3 for her and 2 for me. And then the Blue Falcon had us playing pinball a little bit too. It was pretty cool.

He wanted to take us to a pet store after the soda shop, but it was already closed.

He didn't stay after he got us home, he had other stuff to do.

But, still. Right when I had said it was time for the great grand 'back off' - here he pops up and proves me wrong.

He really does love spending time with us (and with me too).

How am I ever going to survive without him as a lover.

I don't know…

But at least I know I never have to survive without him as a friend.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - Still some blips on the radar… we'll see who comes through next week I imagine.

 - Honorable Mentions - Now there are two guys from Fet who are circling the waters in the 'just friends' department. Neither of them want to be shot down to 'just friends' but both are tolerating it for now.

I’m not sure about this.

I hope I'm not teasing or leading anyone on.

I'd hate myself if I hurt anyone.

End Notes:

I really do need friends and a greater support network…

I'm not sure Fet is the greatest place to be recruiting friends, though.

It seems cruel, considering the pictures of me that I have up on Fet. It seems so heartless that I could put out that much temptation and then say 'look, but don't touch'.

How am I going to get through this without giving out pity fucks?

Gods…

I fucking suck.