Another date,
another no-show.
I'm not worried
about my apathy this time because Pathfinder has helped me to better understand
my place in all of this. Not all the guys who blip my radar are going to be
Blue Falcons, Dragons, or Pathfinders, but I’m not going to know that until
it's too late. I'm not going to know that until after I've already opened
myself up to them.
It's only after I
show them what's inside me that the faint of heart run away with their tails
between their legs. Never to return. Never to speak to me again.
And yeah, I still
process that as a rejection, and it still hurts, but I’m getting better at
dealing with it.
I have another date
scheduled for tonight… this one I'm pretty sure will show up, but I'm not sure
how it's going to work out because he's not my type. I do admit that I have a
harder time getting into guys who aren't pale and this guy is far from pale. But,
Pathfinder is far from pale and you see how that turned out?
Everyone deserves a
chance.
Mental Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Therapy - Pathfinder
wants me to say hi to Valkyrie today, LOL… so that should be cute. I'm looking
forward to reporting on my progress in dealing with the writer's block. Even
though I've done no real work on the novel yet. Just the fact that I'm even
facing it again is a huge step. I should tell her how mentally draining it is
to read the critiques, even when they're great like Geminae's are. Maybe she'll
have some suggestions on how to better process them so they’re not so taxing.
I want to tell her
about the Blue Falcon too. About how he took it well about him being the cause
of my writer's block, and also about that slip of his. You know? The pillow
talk 'I love you too'.
Yeah yeah, I know,
it's just pillow talk. Don't read too much into it!! I'm right there with you.
It's just that it's
worth a squee or two, okay?
Pillow talk is a
huge step for the Blue Falcon. Okay?
Exactly 1% of my
brain was like 'Great! Let's get to it!'
The other 99% said:
Oh look! A comfy couch… conveniently placed right in front of a big television.
And the moral of the
story is that I didn't even shower yesterday.
For some reason I
needed the day off. Something in me snapped and said 'you've been pushing too
hard'.
*sigh*
Okay… point taken.
I used yesterday to
recharge and from here on out I'm only going to process one critique a day.
Then I'm going to try to stay on top of other reboots like reading/critiquing
the works of others and continuing with the Ghost Stories.
I expect
improvement.
- Sleep /
Fitbit - I screwed right the fuck up last night.
First there were the
naps. An hour around 4 pm and then 2 hours around 7 pm.
And then I got
started on a movie way too close to bedtime. Which subsequently got interrupted
by not one, but two conversations on OKC.
So, I got to actual
bed at like 1 in the morning.
Fuck me…
6 hours 31 minutes,
1x awake, 14x restless, 27 minutes awake/restless.
I'm dumb.
- Fur-babies -
Nothing new to report.
Physical Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
*points* Hey! What's that over there? *runs away*
Relationships / Family:
- Bran - I
got to talk to him on his drive home last night. He didn't exactly have the
best day. No one was mean to him or anything and he did nothing wrong. It was
just something he had to do in the line of duty that didn't make him happy.
Some people should not be allowed to DIY. Just saying.
I'm oddly happy that
he's up for this promotion, even though it will mean that he'll be gone longer…
he's pretty sure he'll be able to come back once he's done training for that
job…
*sigh*
Want…
- The Unicorn -
I'm looking forward to this weekend. We'll probably get to the Buffy
Season 5 Finale.
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ If you're a reader and having
trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and
below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a
work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed,
don't worry, I'll get to you. ]
- Recent
Encounters - Nothing new to report.
- Updates on
Favorites -
- Blue Falcon -
I’m not going to lie. There's a part of me that keeps entertaining these
little fantasies where I get to keep him even after he gets into his serious
relationship. Things like she wants to be open so he's allowed to maintain what
we have. Or he realizes he misses me more than he thought he would, so he
requests the opening of his relationship.
It's stupid. I know.
Loving him means
letting him go.
I just hope it
doesn't hurt too much when it's time to release him back into the wild.
Relationships / Potentials
and Honorable Mentions:
- The One
Timers - Nothing…
- The Hopefuls
- … new to…
- Honorable
Mentions - … report…
End Notes:
I’m trying so hard
to stay open.
I need to bring in
that sweetie that can potentially replace the Blue Falcon.
That's if the Blue
Falcon is even replaceable. He might very well not be, and I have to take that
into consideration as well. But, I at least have to try.
I have to keep
recruiting, keep interviewing, keep attempting to form bonds… even if it's with
guys who aren't my type on the surface. They might be my type underneath.
Everyone deserves a
chance.
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