This isn't going to be my normal style of entry. I'm struggling with a lot of anger and hurt right now and I’m trying to find a positive way of processing those emotions.
Bran has done something ugly that proves that he doesn't give a shit about repairing the damage to our relationship from last year. Nor does he care about my mental health or wellbeing at all.
After a month of getting my hopes up that he's coming home.
He interviewed for a job offer that would keep him away from me, indefinitely.
And probably still living with that back stabbing, home wrecking bitch as well.
So, I did the only thing I could do.
I told him that I can't survive a long distance relationship with my sanity intact, and that if he takes this job, that's it, we're done. I have to end things between us.
I have to somehow pick up the shattered remains of my life, and try to move on. I probably need to be single for a while... but someday, I'll need to start screening for a new life partner.
But, I just can't be in limbo like this with Bran anymore. It hurts so much to be away from him like this, and now he wants to extend that pain for who knows how long?
Fuck that shit.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't live like this anymore.
He can't keep doing this to me.
I don't deserve this.
I'm absolutely fucking livid that he would even consider this an option. But, even I know that all that anger is just covering up an unfathomable wound. I know I'm just hurt more than I can even comprehend right now.
And even if he does come home... how do I trust him now?
What is there between us to make me believe that he's actually working on 'us'. What is there to make me believe that he's actually interested in rebuilding our relationship and repairing the damage from last year.
How can I trust that he's not just using me for a place to stay until he finds another job opportunity elsewhere?
Is there even a relationship worth salvaging anymore?
I'm fucking devastated right now.
How could he do this to me?
Hi, I'm sorry you had to go though this. Sometimes the people we love aren't the people that are good for us unfortunately. Even though we love them so much they'll never love us like we love them meaning their not meant for you. I'm optimistic you'll find someone who will love you the same way you love them don't give up. In time you will be repaired enough to give it another try I'm rooting for you!!
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