Screw you bright lights!

Rough night last night.  

I got up in the middle of the night to refill my water bottle.  

I have to do this entirely in the dark. If my eyes encounter light of any kind, I can't get back to sleep. When I take the filter pitcher from the fridge, I have to turn my face away and shut my eyes as tightly as possible to avoid the light inside as much as possible.

So, I get to the kitchen and I start with the ice. And then the ice bucket slips and spills all over the kitchen floor. Yeah... now I'm in the dark trying to find ice cubes on the floor. I think I got them all. I chuck them in the sink.

I'm so *off* about this that I forget to turn away and shut my eyes when I open the fridge to get my water.

BIG MISTAKE.

It took me all the way up to the pre-dawn hours just to fall asleep again. And now I know I have unfinished REM cycles that are going to have me dragging ass today.

FUCK.

I need to clean my apartment today. I have shit to do! I can't be this wiped out because of lack of sleep!!

Screw you bright lights!

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – I’m doing surprisingly well otherwise. The most recent PTSD nightmare doesn't seem to have negated the most recent snuggles, so I'm still fed and happy. I'm still looking forward to more snuggles, of course. I would love to see the Blue Falcon sometime soon, but I'm not in any dark, desperate need of the snuggles. Not like I expected I would be considering the current situation with Bran.

Hell, I mean, I hate to jinx anything...but, I think I’m almost bordering on 'good'.

- Writing – Still on hold – But there is another Ghost Story brewing... I don't know if I can write this one, though. Or, more to the point, I don't think I can post it. It's a little too close to home. It's definitely about SOMEONE and it would be really hard to make the story make sense if I stripped out the personal details that would make that person obvious.

I might still write it...

I'll just have to keep it to myself.

- Reading – I've gotten further into The Handmaid's Tale and I guess it's okay. I can follow it because I've seen the show, but if I were trying to read the book without that context, I'd be completely lost. The prose style just doesn't work for me one little bit.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 7 hours 12 minutes, 6 times awake, 23 times restless, 73 minutes awake/restless... so far as I can tell, that's pretty accurate. But I do know that my Fitbit often confuses stillness with sleep, which I hate. So some of that time might have been me just lying in bed trying to get back to sleep.

- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- INR – It was 2.0 yesterday, so we've noticed the readings trending downward and we're worried that the current medication level is going to have it dipping too low. Medication has been altered in an attempt to recitfy this.

- Other Health – The hole where my tooth used to be is slowly closing in with healthy gum tissue. My cheek muscle is still sore, which I find mystifying and I hope that heals eventually too... I would hate for that to be a permanent damage kind of thing, even knowing that such damage was a risk. I'll message Dru again once it's healed and see if he replies. He didn't reply to my last message, but that might have just been a fluke. I'm trying not to read too  much into things. You know how we BPD's take it oh so personally when someone doesn't respond! We always assume the worst. I'm sure It's fine and the professional relationship is sound.  

I need the professional relationship to be sound. He's the only dentist that's never scared me.

I need him.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – We missed our morning talk yesterday because Bran was given the chance to sleep in and he took it. Good for him... yes, I missed hearing from him, but it's cool.

We Snapped and Chatted a little last night.  

There was some sexy. I got to enjoy some screen time with Mo and some assurances from Bran that he misses my girly bits quite dearly.

There's no movement on the homecoming quite yet. He says he's talking to his bosses about that today. He's also got to work on getting the Internet/Landline Phone set up too. That could be a sticky wicket because it's the same address as mine and I owe them like $600. I don't want to unintentionally screw this up for him so that he's not working as soon as he gets back.

UGH!

I just wish this would all work out NOW.

I hate all this waiting.

- The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

- Bear - Nothing new to report.

- Rain - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers - Nothing new to report.

- The Hopefuls - Nothing new to report.

- Honorable Mentions – Once again, this counts as more of a 'dishonorable mention': A guy last night from OKC. I'm not even going to justify him with a full breakdown. I'll just say that he kept steering the conversation to sex and shut down every time I tried to steer it back, despite how many times I told him that talking about 'only sex' was the fastest way to never get anywhere near me. Eventually I just gave up on him.  

Sorry, I have no patience for that shit.

And what the hell was he thinking anyway?

He knew full well that I have three Sweeties! THREE! If I want sex I can GET SEX!

Fuck me, I don't know, maybe he just thought I'd be easy.

Poor bastard.

End Notes:  

I'm  cooling second coffee now and seem to be remarkably alert all things considered... but I’m pretty sure there's going to be a nap later.