It's just a jumble today.

Even after Coffee and Contemplation, I don't have a solid read on where my head is at today. I know I’m definitely uneasy about the whole Bran situation (more in his section).  

I'm annoyed at some of the messages I'm getting on the dating profiles I still have up (because Bran isn't officially home, yet).  

I'm plowing through The Punisher on Netflix and I feel like I'm really done with Shadowhunters, so pretty soon there's going to be a show hole and I think I'm going to do my level best to fill that with reading again.  

My coffee is amazing this morning, but I hate the aftertaste it leaves in my mouth and I always gag myself when I'm trying to scrub the coffee matter off my tongue with my toothbrush.  

My mouth has healed from the recent tooth extraction, but I’m still waiting for the gum tissue to fill in and solidify.  

I don't want to go anywhere today, but I know I have to for health reasons.

Yeah...

It's just a jumble today.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – I had a lot to fill Valkyrie in on yesterday. Everything from Apophis to the recent drama with Bran, and a few other things too. She's proud of me with the Apophis situation and she's looking forward to the time when I have his help to finish Torvus.

She and I talked a lot about Bran and how the recent drama was also a huge breach of trust. She agrees with me that moving forward I should trust him enough to give him a chance, but remain guarded.

We also talked about Bran's Fail-Phobia and how that affected his interest in the job he was offered. I'm expecting some residual resentment over the ultimatum that I dropped on him and I asked for her help on getting him to deal with those emotions.

We both agree that it's time for me to be there for Bran right now. So, I know this is the right path because even my therapist advocates this.

I also told Valkyrie that she was the swing vote that made Bran realize he had to come home. Living with him an hour away would have taken me away from her, and once I reminded him of that, he conceded the fight instantly. So, she was very happy to learn that he still values her as much as I do.

So, it was a really good session.

- Writing – Not sure where I am on this... we'll just have to see.

- Reading – I've gotten a little bit farther in both Handmaid's Tale and Veil of Darkness... still, neither of them are really grabbing me... I think that’s the main reason why I'm so reluctant to do any reading. So, when I'm done with The Punisher, I'm just going to have to get through these two and try to move on to something better.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 8 hours 15 minutes, 3x awake, 14x restless, 36 minutes awake/restless - don't let the readings fool you. I woke up from a dream with certain physical needs and then when I tried to answer my bodies call, I failed and had a hard time trying to get back to sleep after that. I was eventually able to reach REM cycle again, but it was difficult.  

I expect a nap later. Especially if there are cookies.

- Fur-babies – Dreamy came in while I was waiting for the slow ass K-Cup side of my coffee maker to piss out my 3rd/final cup of coffee for the morning. So, he didn't come back to the bedroom right away. Instead he laid down on the kitchen table, but then he followed me into the bedroom shortly after I sat down again.

Then he tried to take his nap with his head resting on my keyboard.

Uh huh...

Had to put a stop to that nonsense real quick.

He's snoozing on the other side of the laptop now. Purring in his sleep. It's fucking adorable.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Weight Management – I'm checking my weight today. It's been a month. I don't know why, but I'm not expecting good news. I think it's all the comfort food I've been eating. Hopefully I can cut that shit out when Bran gets back.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – He hasn't been keeping in contact. Not like he said he would. He still has a morning commute, but I've not heard from him or been given any reason why he's not calling me. I've sent him texts that go read but unanswered. Snaps that go viewed but not responded to... *sigh* it's very frustrating.

However, I know the hell that he's in right now. So, I know there are extenuating circumstances.

It's just that getting the darker voices in my head to shut the fuck up is really hard sometimes. They tell me he's actually having fun. That he's reconsidering this whole arrangement with the Screeching Harpy and that he prefers her after all. They say he's never coming home.

*screams*

I just wish they'd shut the fuck up.

Now, we did get an email from our domain/web hosting this morning. Our annual $60'ish is due and neither one of us can pay it. THAT message he responded to. Turns out neither of us are really using our websites for much at the moment, so we're going to let the payment slide for a little bit. I've proposed to go half and half with him in early January.  Hopefully, that will work out.

I wish he'd talk to me more.

I wish he'd find a way to let me be there for him right now.

- The Unicorn – Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

- Bear - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Pathfinder tapped in last night. We both shared what's going on in our love lives. He's supporting my decision to not dump Bran, which is good. He's experienced some healthy growth in a previously unhealthy relationship as well, so I think he understands that not everything is so black and white. People deserve more than just second chances sometimes.  

Sometimes the relationship is just worth salvaging, no matter how much pain or drama there's been. Sometimes sticking in it is the only option.

I figure, as long as it's met with a healthy outlook and not codependency, it's all good.

I’m pretty sure that Pathfinder would agree.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers – Nothing...

- The Hopefuls - … new to...

- Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:  

Ye Gods I can't wait to stop dating.