I ended up taking the last couple of days off.
Bran got home on Friday evening, the 24th. He brought everything in from his truck and that was that, he was home. Most of the weekend is a blur. I don't even remember what time he got here. Once we were cozy in the bedroom (leaving any unpacking for another day) I talked him into watching Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. He was reluctant at first, but then he gave in and he really enjoyed the movie.
Then some kisses matured into a little x-rated content, after which he took a long soak in the bathtub until it was an hour past my bedtime.
He didn't complain once about my bed being too squishy... he reached out for me several times during the night.
I know this because I didn't sleep a wink.
It seems I had grown far to accustomed to sleeping alone.
Saturday we should have rearranged furniture. We ended up plowing through Stranger Things instead. *evil wink* I knew once I got him one episode in that he'd be hooked.
That night I slept just fine... there were cuddles... it was good...
Sunday (yesterday) we finished Stranger Things in just enough time for me to shower and get ready to head over to the Blue Falcon's for Movie night. Bran had made the decision not to attend. He didn't take my keys. He just left the apartment to go to the mall and take care of some things. He was on his own, killing some hours before I came home.
Last night he was very sweet. I hadn't eaten and I needed food I didn't have to prepare. He was already at the grocery store anyway because I was out of milk, so he grabbed me a quick and easy meal to eat.
Now he's all fake annoyed with me again because I just got him addicted to another show, LOL.
He was 3 episodes into The Orville before he finally let us go to bed.
Unfortunately, that's where things take a slight turn for the worse. Sometimes Bran can't sleep unless It's to the sound of a TV being on. Last night seems to have been one of those nights. This would have been perfectly FINE if I hadn't already taken my sleeping pills. Once I’m medicated I have a very narrow window to fall asleep in, or I'm awake all night.
Tonight I’m going to hold off on my meds until I’m sure he's asleep. He needs the rest more than I do.
He's working at the office today and for the next two days while we work on getting better internet set up at my place, then he'll be working from home.
Today I need to try to move some furniture and put away some of his things so he has less to worry about when he gets home. We'll see how it goes.
Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Therapy – I was very surprised at how quickly I seemed to reacclimate to Bran again. In many ways it felt like the last year just didn't even happen. Like he'd never left. We just seemed to pick up right where we left off. This is a very good thing.
And yet, as soon as I got into the Blue Falcon's car – after Bran left to be on his own for the evening – those abandonment issues just closed in on me like a bear trap.
I mentioned this to the Blue Falcon and he felt that it was perfectly normal. He said that I would feel fine as long as I could see and touch Bran. That the reassurance of his presence was all I needed, but once he was off on his own; *gasp* he could be doing anything! And that is naturally where my trust issues would come back into play.
So, this is going to be a process, still.
I'll talk to Valkyrie about it tomorrow. Hopefully I can get Bran and I in for the Couples thing soon.
- Writing – This is still feeling on hold a little bit... I’m not quite there with it today. I think it's because I'm tired and I have a little bit of a headache. I have stuff going on all week until Friday, so I'll give it another shot then.
- Reading – Bran slept in a little later than me the last two days, so Coffee and Contemplation defaulted to quiet reading instead of a show. I'm okay with this. Veil of Darkness seems to be getting a little bit better, but in a lot of ways still feels rushed to me. The Handmaid's Tale continues to be only easy to follow because I've seen the show.
- Sleep / Fitbit – 7 hours 18 minutes, 4x awake, 12x restless, 41 minutes awake/restless.
- Fur-babies – As usual, Dreamy is sacked out on the bed as I'm typing this. He's such a puddin'.
Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:
Eventually I anticipate movement here... give Bran and I some time. We need to pay the Blue Falcon back for some stuff and then we should have the spare funds left over to join a gym.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran – One thing I will tell you about my previous life with Bran. Something that I didn't realize then, but I realize it now. I took him for granted. Way too much I just expected him to be there and to do things for me, and when he failed me I got angry. I didn't appreciate how many times he went out of his way for me.
I've made a vow to appreciate him more this time around.
I bought him cookies to welcome him home, and I ask him often if he would like one.
I thanked him profusely for picking up milk and dinner for me last night.
He shrugs it off, but I hope he understands.
I hope he understands what he means to me now.
It's hard to say, though.
I have to make sure he understands.
- The Unicorn – I'm going to give Bran and the Unicorn some time to reacclimate to each other this weekend too. The Blue Falcon needs my help with a small project, so hopefully I can get them to spend just a little time together.
Relationships / Sweeties:
- Updates on Favorites -
- Blue Falcon – Bran is so hard to read sometimes. But every time I suggest hanging out with him and the Blue Falcon, he says no. Or when I suggest that we really should enlist the Blue Falcon's help to move furniture around, he says he can handle it. So, I feel I have no choice but to assume that Bran is just not ready to encounter the Blue Falcon yet.
I told the Blue Falcon this and he commented in return; "Well, I was banging you for a bit."
"Was?"
Then the Blue Falcon explained that he wanted to put our Sweetie-ship on hold. No hanky panky for a while. He wants me to focus my full attention on getting close to Bran again. I’m in agreement with this.
Last night we also started working on his new OK Cupid profile. We didn't get very far, though. Movie night had to get underway.
The movie last night was Zardoz, which was very surreal and prosaic. We were available to identify that it was the search for deity as well as a social commentary on the curse of immortality. Other than that, it was mostly fucked up.
Next weekend the Blue Falcon would like to get me out somewhere to take some better pictures of him for his profile. It would be good to help him out.
Hopefully Bran will take that time to re-bond with the Unicorn for a little bit.
- Sweeties -
- Bear – He and I are officially on hold for now. In a couple of months Bran will be called away to do some work down south. Important work that will make him feel very useful and fulfilled. He won't be gone for very long, but every few months he will have to go back down for a week at a time.
This is when I plan to see Bear again.
But I’m also hopeful that he will have moved on too.
- AmbiguSweeties -
- Pathfinder – I don't really know when I will see Pathfinder again... but I think it's best that our Sweetie-ship is on hold for now too.
Relationships / Just Friends:
Nothing new to report.
End Notes:
I disabled my OK Cupid and FetLife profiles while Bran was still driving down on Friday. I just saw no point in keeping them up.
However, I only disabled them, I didn't delete them.
They'll still be there if I need them again.
I hope I don't... not for a long time, anyway...
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