And all the beautiful pain...

Oh wow… I am so sorry for leaving you all hanging.

After I wrote that supplemental entry, Bran called me. He was devastated that I wanted to pull away from him. He admitted that he hadn't followed through on any of his promises. And, as usual, he explained.

One thing he made it clear to me is that we only tell each other the good parts of our lives right now. We haven't been sharing our dark times with each other. So, he felt that I was 'misinformed' about how financially stable he was. I could tell how much he was hurting, and I could hear it in his voice… how much he misses me.

He also reminded me of how much he's been there for me whenever I've needed $10 here or $20 there. He explained it to me that his way of showing love is to be 'take care of things' guy.

And then it became clear to me… my way of showing love is to be 'grand romantic gesture' girl.

Okay, so what does that leave us with?

Basic Law of Attraction. I've been putting so much KINDNESS out into the universe that I've been receiving true kindness in return.

So, fuckin'A, if I WANT grand romantic gestures? Well, then I guess I better just suck it the fuck up and start MAKING them.

After thinking about it. After coming to that conclusion. I called him back and I made a deal with him.

Next month I’m going to take my meager $80 and I'm going to spend whatever I have to on those commitment bands. I will make sure he gets his. All he has to do is send me pictures, every day, of him wearing his ring.

 - There is a reason for this -

When he was talking to me on the phone. He made mention of distancing himself from me when he got back. He expressed his emotions regarding how well I've been getting along without him. He said he didn't want to hold me back.

The self-sacrifice in his voice.

He was starting to feel that I would be better off without him.

I could hear how much that hurt him. I could truly hear how much he didn't want to lose me. I could hear the devastation.

These rings are no longer just a sign of his not leaving me.

That's changed.

HE NEEDS THIS.

Bran needs to know just how committed to him *I* am.

So, it's done. It's settled.

I love him.

I will save him.

--

Shortly after making that decision, after my last supplemental entry. I had a date. No code name yet. For the most part I'm sticking to code names for those who make second dates or who make really good impressions on their first dates.

He was an interesting 'other'.

Processing the kind of nasty divorce where his wife (separated, not fully divorced yet) took everything, including the coffee maker.

It pains me to admit. I heard a lot of my daughter's father in him when he described his wife. A lot about how she's a dead beat mom. I tried not to let those words hurt. I know I’m doing the best I can for the Unicorn now. And yes, I went through my issues too. But, I think her father is at least understanding. He's never come after me for child support or anything. He's doing it all on his own and he has been since her step mom left.

My other brought me wine. One of my favorite wineries even!! But, he sat on the other side of the room the entire time he was with me. It took some time to realize that he wasn't rejecting me. He was honestly interested in having a conversation. And then he explained that it was refreshing to him to be able to talk to someone without sex being the expectation.

So, I totally get it. He was here to meet with me as a Kindness.

His _need_ was to talk to an ascended being, because he's only freshly ascended himself. He's such a cute little fledgling too!! I gave good talk, which is what he needed. Then he left and left me with the wine… BUT, that did not leave me 'alone' with just the wine.

--

Enter Jasper!

Yes, this one gets a code name… Oh, ye gods does he ever get a code name!!

Jasper is processing his own separation very similar to what I'm experiencing with Bran. His mate isn't just a few hours away, she's a few states away. And he's in pain. Deeply lonely without her.

Jasper had made noises about how lonely he was, and just how far out of his way he'd be willing to go to see me. But, I'd already had plans with the other.

So… when the other left. Oh holy hell, you betcha, I messaged Jasper INSTANTLY and told him to come over.

It was clear that we're going through the same thing. And, we're very similar on being a kindness unto others. He was just as committed to helping ease my pain over Bran as I was committed to easing his pain over his mate.

And, yeah… that pain got eased.

Holy shit.

He got to my place about 6pm on the 4th. WAY MORE CUTE IN PERSON than his photo made him appear on line. Oh so very gentle. We just sat and talked for a bit and held hands. He brought wine, as well as whiskey with a mixer.

That man pours the best whiskey and coke I've ever had in my life. He was able to keep me more than tipsy without ever letting me get drunk.

I really, honestly, don't have the words for how good he was or how amazing he made me feel. He's just so good… so attractive and such a good person.

The conversation, the snuggles, the sex… omg… he gave such good Sweetie. I’m still amazed.

He spent the night and even took me out for breakfast yesterday morning.

He's putting in his two-weeks notice today, probably moving even farther away from me than he already is. But expressed more than once that I'd still be worth the drive for him to come see me again.

We ease pain.

It's good.

I truly can't wait to see him again.

--

So, I got home… even after breakfast and coffee, I was still feeling pretty out of it. So I took a lie down and then progressed to taking a bath/shower - the water did what I needed and flushed the rest of the whiskey out of my system.

It was important because I had ANOTHER date last night.

We're going to settle on him as an 'other', even though I'm hoping for a second date there too.

I got him addicted to both Lost Girl and Dollhouse before suggesting that we go cuddle. We sat close during Lost Gil and I fed him my white chocolate popcorn. We sat a little closer during Dollhouse. There was some hand holding… so, after 4 episodes worth of 'show' I suggested 'cuddle'.

Well… that heated up FAST.

Ye Gods, he was well put together. So young and lithe. I had asked him if he'd ever been with an older woman before, and he had, but only once. I told him it was a common fantasy and he agreed, but he didn't know why it was so common. So, I shared my thoughts on the Cougar species and he agreed that it made total sense to him. I also told him that the only downside were how many young men wanted to call me Mommy. He asked why I wasn't into that and I explained that most Mommy/son relationships put the male as submissive.

So, my date then clarified that yes, *I* prefer to be the submissive.

Cuddling led to kissing and then he had zero problem initiating the sex. He was good, and aggressive… he fucked me twice and just cuddled the hell out of me.

He left about 2 hours past my bedtime, but that's okay.

I hope I see him again too. But, I’m not really counting on it. He's just starting out with both work and school and I’m sure his schedule is going to be tough.

--

Speaking of… the Dragon has been making noises about coming to see me too… there's hope.

And, I have ANOTHER date tonight!

Yes.

Proud Cougar, indeed!

--

AHH!!

I was just going to get around to posting this when the Blue Falcon checked in.

POSSIBLE DATE ON WEDNESDAY!!

FUCKING SWEET!!