So glad it's over…

The SSI thing, but we'll get to that.

-- First things first --  The Blue Falcon:

It was just so good to see him again. With my abandonment issues and the way the previous favorites ditched me. Just knowing that he's really there for me and enjoys my company. It's such a huge boost.

On the 'grand romantic gesture' front, he brought me dinner from Pei Wei. Coconut Curry Beef. It was really good. We ate and watched a favorite movie of his: What About Bob. OMG, so, for a guy who's seen this thing probably dozens of times, it does not fail to still amuse him. At one point he went into straight up 'child pose' on the floor because he was laughing so hard.

After the movie I asked if he had time for cuddles. I really wasn't expecting sex, but you know I wouldn't have said 'no' to it. He got to my bedroom and immediately got full on naked. So, what the fuck, I stripped too.

There was cuddling, and fucking… and more cuddling. He even asked to be big spoon.

Holy shit… I mean… he wanted to hold me.

Do you have any idea what that means to me?

We also clarified that our relationship is temporary and that I'm keeping him company until the wife/mother of his children shows up. He understands and agrees. I also made it a point to tell him how much I DO value him.

We also talked about his autism. Which, wow, high functioning!! He even had some suggestions to help the Unicorn with her reading. He sent me a link to a 224 word palindrome.  Heh! So cool.

I really do love my time with him. And it gave me the strength I needed for what was to come.

-- what was, and ever shall be --

I got to sleep on time. Which is a far cry different from the 'early' that I was planning on. But, again, the Blue Falcon was MORE than worth it. Also, just a moment to clarify, even though he's still the Blue Falcon, he admits that he was never constrained by any sort of 'bro code' with Copperhead. *nod* good for him!

I was awake two hours early, which was all manner of suck. But, it gave me what I needed to get all my coffee in my system.

The ride there (with my case worker) was all manner of 'stuck in traffic' and we got there only 15 minutes early instead of a full 30. I still had time to go over some stuff with my lawyer though. A big part of that was him explaining what to expect during the hearing. Including, but not limited to, the presence of both a medical expert and a vocational expert.  My lawyer explained that my STFU needed to be VERY fully engaged while they were speaking.

Prep done. We headed into the courtroom.

Is it bad that I might have crushed on the Judge a little bit? Fuck, he was hot.

The hearing itself actually went smoother than I thought it would. The judge wasn't confused about any of my 'high functionality' the way that my lawyer was. So, that was a plus in my favor. The judge _was_ confused about my lawyer asking the 'onset' date to be moved to when I entered the hospital. The judge asked questions about why I withdrew and entered into drug rehab AFTER withdrawing and a full year since I'd consumed any drugs or alcohol.

I explained that both were at the advice of my lawyer at the time.

I'm not sure he understood that, but he seemed satisfied enough to continue with the hearing.

The medical expert listed the severity of my symptoms as 'only moderate' - not severe enough to keep me out of work.

However, this was also post my explaining what a 'bad day' is like for me. The whole 'I can get food, or I can go to the bathroom, and hey look, trailmix' thing.

The vocational expert said that I COULD hold down a job as a mail clerk. I don't disagree with him, even though I've never done it before. I used to know someone who did, and I can attest to it's mellowness based on what I've heard. I think most people would be bored with it, but I would probably consider it meditative.

However, the vocational expert ALSO said that there's no way I'd be considered employable if I were going to miss work on my bad days. That 1-2 days a month is too much absenteeism.

Then the judge told me he'd look everything over and get back to me. It will be a month to two months before I find out what his final ruling is.

After the hearing, the lawyer said it went well. Better than he thought it would. And he also told me about 'vocational rehab' programs that would NOT hurt my ability to remain housed, but WOULD give me job testing and experience in a safe sort of experimental place where I could really find out if it's possible for me to return to work.

I never even knew something like this existed.

I really wish someone would have suggested it sooner, and for the life of me I can't figure out why no one has.

-- so, it was done --

My case worker got me back home…

I think it's fair to mention that she's NOT happy with Bran. She's disgusted with him for leaving me and she worries about my ability to financially survive without him. The Bestie is equally NOT happy with Bran… so, I guess he got on some bad sides by leaving.

-- and in the aftermath --

After the hearing, and once I was home, I was too caffeinated still to get any type of rest. I mean, I might have dozed off a couple of times, but no real sleeping. But, I was too tired to do anything other than watch Trash TV for the whole rest of the day and into bedtime.

I traded a few messages with Jasper, but he was stuck at work and unable to communicate much. I did tell him how much I needed to cuddle someone I trust and he reminded me that he'd be with me on Saturday. Which I’m really looking forward to.

Now, also, aside from just ONE snap before the hearing where Bran wished me well. I didn't hear from him all day. That sucked ass bigtime, but it was his day off of work, so I get it.

I still fucking hate _her_ for making so much drama that he can't even communicate with me at all on his days off. It hurts a lot, because that's a big part of the reason why he won't game to spend any time with me.

This had me depressed.

Deeply depressed and lonely. I need my Bran back. I know I do. I hate it that he's gone like this.

-- however *purrs* --

I did get cat cuddles. Which my neighbor really appreciated. She even brought me pizza as a thank you. It was just leftovers from church, but with the way I didn't feel like cooking, it was a true blessing. It's just too bad that I was already in the middle of cooking! So now I have spaghetti, lentils, AND pizza in the fridge. So, I'm good on lazy food for a bit.

I got to bed on time…

-- and so far today --

I was awake before the alarm, but I continued to rest until it was truly time to get up.

Today is the first day of ramping back on the caffeine intake… Yoga restarts on Monday.

I have more new 'potential' sweeties filling up my calendar fast, but I've heard nothing from Cotton Candy, which I'm fine with. Also, the Velvet Hammer bowed out too, but I might still check on him.

And then this morning it wasn't even 10am yet before I was getting my cat therapy in.

So, we're off to a good start, and we'll just have to see how the day progresses.

--

I WAS supposed to have a new sweetie by now, but he ended up having to go to the doctor instead.

Another sweetie, code named Sri, was going to come over next Friday… so now I'm trying to juggle so that I can get their Friday's sorted out and not have to double up.

Okay… long entry, but that's it for now.