I've decided these
entries need to be a little racier.
Yes, this is till my
Mental Health Blog, but a critical component in the current landscape of my
mental health is my incredible Cougar sex life.
A long time ago, I
used to use a template so that I never forgot an important update. So, I think
it's fair to start implementing said template again.
So, here goes:
Mental Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Therapy -
Therapy has been sucking ass lately because my phone has been shut off. The
people who manage my bills/budget have yet to pay it and I have zero control
over this thing. So, I can access my google voice and call out when I'm home,
but without some sort of stable internet connection elsewhere I have no way to
get home.
That being said, my
therapist continues to rock the awesome. She still calls me during our regular
meeting time and we spend about twenty minutes catching up. It's not ideal, but
it's okay.
- Writing -
The fresh writing is on hold right now. I'm in the process of researching story
structure and then the rewrites will really get underway. Some days I don't get
much research done because my time has been allocated elsewhere. I'm okay with
this. The writing will always be there. Scribophile will always be there.
Unlimited Sweetie time will not always be there.
- Fur-babies -
My neighbor has two cats that love to go outside and on walks. Most days they
like to visit neighbors too. Splotches will visit multiple neighbors and has
gotten comfortable enough with me that he will request snuggles. Dreamy loves
my blue wingback chair and usually lays down and mellows out right there. I
think he loves it because he's a ginger cat, and the complimentary blue color
suits him well. My Neighbor says that I'm just an angel to these cats, and her.
I think it's the other way around. So, it's really a win/win.
Physical Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Caffeine -
Successful ramp back to only 3 cups of coffee in the morning. But, today on
second-cup, there was an almond milk mishap when I accidentally added 2/3-cup
of almond milk instead of just 1/3. I guess I was just tired/preoccupied and I
screwed up. I feel bad for wasting almond milk.
- Yoga /
Movement Goals - Yoga is on hold until Monday. Then I will begin a slow
ramp up back to my full routine.
- Inflammation - My diet is so inflammatory
it's ridiculous. I really need Bran to come home so I can finally start eating
better again.
- Weight
Management - Same slot - different problem. I'm not able to eat right,
so my weight is probably either stagnant, or I'm back to gaining again. *grump*
Relationships / Family:
- Bran - I
cannot begin to express the level of suck ass here. He's able to communicate
when he can, but that's not very often because of _her_. Also… he may be gone
longer than the spring. A few months back I told him that if he was going to be
gone longer, we were done and I would be moving on. I'm not sure why I'm not
holding myself to that. I guess I just don't want to punish him for what the
jobs are doing to him and how that impacts his return date. Really, my only
problem is _her_. If he could just get _her_ out of the picture, I'd be fine.
But I just can't stand the thought of him being all cuddled up to her, or
sleeping next to her, just for the sake of faking a relationship with her to
pay the bills. *sigh* wise up Bran. She has it coming, it's true. For all the
chaos she caused, the karmic backlash that she's earned is really up there.
But, be careful not to offset that by too much 'dick move'. *sigh again*
really.
- The Unicorn -
It's my weekend with her right now. We were able to get in several
episodes of Buffy last night. We got to sleep on time. Tonight she has a sleep
over, but I decided not to swap weekends with her. She and I still have
adequate bonding time, no matter how short the visit or how interrupted it
might be.
Relationships / Sweeties:
- Recent
Encounters - Jasper - Now, I really didn't go too much into detail about
my time with Jasper last weekend. My sincere apologies, it's about time I fixed
that.
Jasper brought both
whiskey and wine with him. A mixer too (coke). Wine went opened to the counter
top, whiskey went unopened into the freezer, coke went unopened into the
fridge… then we sat on my couch to get to know each other and talk.
Okay… so, weird
thing… Even with the extent of how deep our OKC conversations were going, I
never once went to Jasper's profile, or bothered to check out more of his
pictures. For the life of me, I don't understand what the hell was going on
inside my head that I didn't check him out more. All I really knew of him was a
pic that showed his eyes and receding hairline. So, that's pretty much what I
was expecting.
I did _not_ expect
how drop dead gorgeous he really was…
Fuck me, I mean…
*pitter patter* goes the heart. He's so fucking beautiful.
During our
conversation there was some hand holding while I occasionally checked the clock
to see if the wine had breathed enough. I don't remember how the FetLife
conversation came up. It might have been due to my surprise at how gorgeous he
was, and my telling him that I have more revealing pictures on my FetLife
profile. So, I pulled them up and showed them to him. Basically giving him a
preview of my body and what he could expect.
His response?
"You might not make it the full half hour"… *smirk* I think that was
one of my favorite things… so, we made the joint decision to grab some drinks
and go snuggle.
That man mixes the
best fucking whiskey and coke I've ever had in my entire life. He fucking knows
how to pour a damn fine drink.
So much of the rest
of it is a blur… I remember losing control and biting him more than once. I
feel really bad about that in hindsight. So, I've decided not to drink _as
much_ on our next date. But he did say he's bringing the whiskey anyway. He has
his reasons, which I will get to shortly.
So, the next part of
this update…
I'm GOOD at reading
people.
He's better.
Now, you know me,
when I tap into someone else's mind, that's always a two-way door. Anyone with
any talent at all can walk back through that door and tap into me.
You remember the
last one who tapped into me? Yeah, the Dragon. Nearly a year ago. Most guys
don't even consider making the effort.
Jasper did.
And then… he didn't
just read me. He knew EXACTLY what I needed from him sexually. And, holy hell,
he followed through. I'm so lost in the pleasure of this memory, just thinking
about it enough to write about it. A lot is still a blur, but there is one thing
that stands out so hard.
When he was inside
me (missionary), he pinned my wrists to the bed. He even said "You can
fight me as much as you want."
OMG…
This has come up in
conversation since then. And he's told me, rather pointedly, that all he had to
do was look me in the eyes and he knew what I needed.
Shit…
Do you understand
the implications here?
Over a year, I've
made it my mission to be a kindness unto others. And we all know my ulterior
motive there. We all know that I'm just waiting for the one guy who can be a
kindness back to me. I'm waiting for that one guy who can read me. And,
especially, I'm waiting for that one guy, in all the world, that one guy who
will look me right in the eyes and say "No, you're not" when I lie
and say I'm okay.
I feel so close to
that last bit with Jasper.
We both know, full
well, exactly how much pain we're in when it comes to missing our primary
partners. So, if anyone knows just how 'not okay' I am, it's Jasper.
Now I only need
those three little words: No, you're not.
Just to give me
permission to cry…
It's so close… I
feel the closeness with Jasper. He might finally be that person I can fully let
go with.
*long sigh*
He's coming over
again tonight. As soon as I found out about the Unicorn's sleepover date
tonight, I messaged Jasper. I told him I'd probably not drink just because I
don't want to bite him again. But, he said he'll bring the Jameson anyway
because IT WILL BRING OUT HIS DOMINANT SIDE.
Srsly! I could NOT
make this shit up! He's bringing the whiskey again, specifically for the very
express purpose of satisfying my need to submit to the right Dom.
Holy shit… I want to
say I'm just lucky, but that's not it at all, and we all know it. Don't we?
This is Law of
Attraction at it's finest.
Someone is finally
interested in being there for me… in healing me… in helping me…
Mere gratitude isn't
enough.
I mean… what the
hell?
But, he made his
interest clear on OKC. A lot if it is pent up hormones and horniness. But, I'm
not complaining. He came over yesterday and the date, in it's entirety, lasted
about an hour. I'm good with this. We're both busy people. Neither of us needed
it to be more.
We sat on the couch
and talked. Then I offered to cuddle. He took his clothes off, LOL.
The secret to some
seriously good cock worship is as follows:
- Start with rubbing while the clothes are still on in order to gauge sensitivity level. Dusk was VERY sensitive.
- Once all has been revealed, start with slow 'lick it, than kiss it' kisses from the base, all the way up to the head.
- Some serious tongue work around that head.
- Deep throat as much as is comfortable.
- Begin suction.
- On every 'backstroke', pull back enough to do a little swirl thing around the head… they fucking love that.
- Continue to deep throat and pull back/swirl as much as is comfortable.
He did the right
thing by pushing my head down a few times. I actually enjoy that.
Then we progressed
to condom on, hardcore fucking, hell yes. But, he didn't cum.
Condom back off…
more mouth work… and then I realized what he needed.
Some lube on my hand
and I jacked him to cumming. As soon as that white river started to flow, MOUTH
AROLUND IT. Got every drop. :)
He was pleased, but
busy, he hopped in the shower while I got dressed and then he left.
BUT!!
He scheduled a
second date!!
So, I don't know
where we are on the whole Sweetie thing. I mean, I like him a lot and he
deserves to have lots of good sex, so I see no reason why that couldn't be with
me. I enjoyed him, and I would gladly do so again. :)
- Updates on
Favorites - The Blue Falcon - Most of this you know. He was here just
this last Wednesday and he will return again soon. Awesome Sweetie time. I
really do enjoy him.
- Updates on
Favorites - Jasper - You know this too. I see him again in about six
hours… OMG…
Relationships / Potentials
and Honorable Mentions:
- The One
Timers - I'm wracking my brain here, but it's quite possible that I've
forgotten recent one night stands because they weren't very memorable. I mean,
there's Cotton Candy, to be sure. But I think this past week has been a little
light on the action since Jasper. But, yeah… it went Jasper, Cotton Candy, the
Blue Falcon, Dusk, and now Jasper again. Next week is FULL UP… no clue what's
going to happen.
- The Hopefuls
- No code name yet, but 23, confident and Dominant. We want to make
Friday during the day a regular thing. I'm super good with this as long as he's
gone in time for me to get Jasper over.
Okay… that's it for
now.
These entries are
going to start getting longer and longer, aren't they?
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