This is bad…
I’m not just fucking
off the yoga.
I’m getting into the
nasty habbit of a 4th cup of coffee in the morning.
After the SSI
hearing, I’m going to have to start ratcheting that back again. It's not fair
to my budget.
I exchanged a couple
of quick messages with the Blue Falcon yesterday. Not enough to confirm another
date, but enough to confirm that he still holds me in comfortable regard.
I don't know why I
get so insecure when guys don't maintain better contact. But, it seems to
happen so much more when it's a Sweetie that I've grown emotionally attached
to. I've noticed that I tend to only focus on one favorite at a time. First it
was Gingersnap, then Foxtrot, now the Blue Falcon.
But, specifically in
regard to the Blue Falcon, I have no reason to believe that he's lost any
attraction towards me. But, then again, I felt that way about Gingersnap too.
And, we all know what happened there. Gingersnap went from returning messages
and carrying on conversations to not responding to a damn thing.
I guess it's just my
fear of abandonment at work. This legitimate terror that somehow the Blue
Falcon won't want me anymore. And I guess I just need that consistent
reassurance that he's still a part of my life.
This probably dates
all the way back to Set and what happened there.
Or it's just the BPD
kicking in and mucking up my sense of inner peace.
--
I was supposed to be
having a date right now. But he had to cancel. He's not important enough to
have a code name yet. I guess I don't feel bad. I have work to get done anyway.
Not to mention the whole 'blood moon' thing. Fucking cramps… ugh.
--
The Bestie spent the
night last night! It was pretty awesome. I got her addicted to a new show. One
that I've seen but she hasn't. It was our typical girls night. We had fun. I
made what would be considered 'regular' goulash for dinner. But there was no cheese
because she's picky about her cheeses.
--
*sigh*
I guess I’m okay
today.
Or, at least
okay'ish… okay with the fact that I’m only okay'ish?
I don't know.
I think I’m just
going to focus on the work today… use that to keep my mind off things with Bran
and the Blue Falcon.
I think that's all
for now.
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