Please stop wasting my oxygen!

Happy Samhain.

This is my first year in a while that I’m not really doing anything on this plane. I'll still go on the wild hunt tonight and I've asked Herne if I can bring the Unicorn. I'm pretty sure he won't have a problem with that. She is my spawn after all. It should be a pretty good time.

Balls to the Queen of England... there are days when I really wish guys on dating sites would just leave me the hell alone. Not all of them. I'm not ready to tear down any profiles, yet. If I did, I wouldn't meet people like Bear, and you saw how that turned out.

No... I’m talking about the really stupid ones who can't even be bothered to read a profile. Like the 24-year-old twerp who approached me on OKC, asking if I was into younger men at all. Clearly never even glanced at my profile since my profile is 100% pure Cougar and all about the younger men. I didn't even justify that idiocy with a response. He messaged me again about a week or so later: 'age is just a number'. OMG!! GO AWAY NOW!! Never message me again! Still, I didn't respond. I have zero patience.

Then, yesterday I get this guy on FetLIfe. Starts out okay, but then I check his profile and realize we have little to nothing in common. I bring this to his attention and ask why he's interested in me. He says that I'm 'different' and that I seem like someone he could get along with. I ask him to elaborate, reminding him that I have trust issues and telling him that short answers don't break barriers. He comes back with an apology and says I can ask him anything. He's an open book to me.

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

How about actually answering the question I JUST FUCKING ASKED YOU!!!

So, I dropped the conversation there. He's obviously too stupid for me.

Then I woke up to a message from him this morning asking if I was more Dom or more sub.

WHAT?!?!?

AGAIN, Read a fucking profile you pitiful excuse for a human being. And while you're at it, please stop wasting my oxygen!

FUCK!

What is wrong with people?!

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – I'm not really going into therapy with much to discuss today. I do have some assignments for Valkyrie, though. I've got to get her on Stranger Things and Sense8. I'm sure she'll love both of them. Other than that, I got nothing. I pushed through my loneliness and came out the other side. I blame Netflix for getting me through that. And I'm basically okay. The loneliness was really just a panic that Bran wasn't going to come home, but I think I can put that to bed. (more in his section). - So, I appear to be on the verge of Good. Not just okay, but bordering on Good.

Wouldn't that be nice.

- Writing – Still on hold – And, more to the point, I was so into Sens8 that I didn't even indulge in my fantasy at all yesterday... so that seems to have burnt out. Sorry. I could have told you that was going nowhere.

- Reading – I'll do a little reading today while I’m waiting to see Valkyrie.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 7 hours 29 minutes, 3x awake, 19x restless, 52 minutes awake/restless. And more to the point, it was QUIET last night. THANK YOU SLPPD!!

- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – Okay, so the panic which seems to have abated. It was all about the 'what if Plan-A' accidentally succeeds? But, I have all this assurance from Bran about the unlikelihood of that because housing is so scarce up north. And his rental history is CRAP!! Plus he has a Plan-C, which is basically pulling the same leaver as Plan-B and coming the fuck home anyway.

Bottom line, he's done, he wants to come home. He's not going to let her or anything, or anyone else stop him.

He's done.

He's had enough.

He's coming home.

- The Unicorn – Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters – If I keep running into idiots online there probably won't be anything here for quite some time.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Get to see him tomorrow.

- Sweeties -

- Bear – Get to see him TONIGHT!! I just don't know when. But there will be Dollhouse and cuddles. I'm really looking forward to it.  :)

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers – Nothing...

- The Hopefuls - … new to...

- Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:  

So, the plan for tonight is just to huddle in the bedroom with bear (lights off or down low) and ignore EVERY knock on the door. This financially strapped woman can't even afford candy for herself!

That's it for today.

Happy Samhain!

Just say no to the show hole.

No surprise that I binged all of Stranger Things 2 yesterday, and then I dropped right into a show hole. I wanted to start watching something else. I wasn't in the mood to read. I even posted as much to my Facebook and I got one suggestion to watch Lost *shudder* (Though, in Bestie's defense, she likes 50 Shades of Grey, so she doesn't have the best taste). Then a friend of mine from high school suggested something that sounded like a sit com. *yuk*

Then I remembered that I never got into Sense8 and Netflix seems to really fucking kill it with its original programming, so now I'm giving that a shot too.

Just say no to the show hole.

Eventually I have to get back to the reading, though.

Oh... and I called the cops last night. The neighbors better start keeping it down when it's sleepy time.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – I seem to have fought my way back from the loneliness even without a snuggle bump up, so that's a good thing. I think sometimes I need the reminder that I've survived for a really long time without sweeties and I can get by without them if I need to.

Empowerment, for the win.

- Writing – That one sexual fantasy keeps asking for me to write it a little bit... and it even works out some of the bugs on its own, letting me know some of the motivations behind the Male/Ghost in the story. He's a tough nut to crack, to be sure! The fact that he's committed his 'crime' six times before when my story takes place... that's significant. So he has to have strong motives for what he's doing.

I still don't know if I'm going to write this or not...

Right now I’m pretty comfortable with it just being a fantasy.

- Reading – Nothing new to report.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 7 hours 11 minutes, 1x awake, 13x restless, 33 minutes awake/restless - not a bad night at all!! (I think the neighbors shutting the fuck up helped)

- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Exercise/Yoga - I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me... I know this is something I need to do... but it's like testing my blood sugar. It's right there and I just can't seem to motivate myself to do it. I don't even know what would help me here.

I just hope that my attitude will change once I can afford the DDP Yoga video's...

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – I had the very lovely surprise of getting to chat with him for a little bit this morning while he ran an errand before starting work. We talked a bit about his smoke screen Plan-A... He's fairly confident that it will play out the way it needs to for his Plan-B to go into effect, which will just mean him coming home. I asked if he has a Plan-C for what he'll do if Plan-A results in an accidental success. He reassured me that he still has an exit strategy even if Plan-A succeeds, so, yes, there's a Plan-C.

He's pretty frustrated with the Screeching Harpy right now. She seems to be getting dumber by the day. He is so not impressed.

I just can't wait for this to be over.

Things will be better once he's home.

Still an adjustment. Still a challenge, yes.

But, better all the same.

- The Unicorn – Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters – Nothing new to report.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Sounds like I ALMOST made it to Movie Night last night, but then the Blue Falcon remembered that he hadn't washed his bedding since he'd been sick. (Read As: Cuddles were an EXPECTATION on his end!!) - So, out of concern for my health, he asked if he could see me this Wednesday instead.  

That's good enough.  :)

Now... the shit thing is that I have a TON of errands to run (bank, shopping, etc...) and Wednesday would be the PERFECT day to run them... but that would cut into cuddle time.

So, I’m not going to run them.

I need to figure out another way to eat until Tuesday next week, and I don't have a clue how I'm going to make it to the bank.

- Sweeties -

- Bear – Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers – Nothing...

- The Hopefuls - … new to...

- Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:  

Okay...  

I have shit to do today.

I'm out of candy corn... :(

After getting caught up on a couple of other shows, I spent the majority of yesterday re-watching season one of Stranger Things, and then I got two episodes into season two before it was past bedtime and really time to shut down.

I love the show, except for one thing. The child abuse. I hate that part. Any time I see child abuse I always think of the Unicorn and I can't stop myself from imagining her in that situation.  

Other than that, it's a great show.

And, other than that... yesterday was completely boring. Nothing really worth writing about.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – The sense of loneliness is easing up just a little bit, which is mostly me pulling a heavy handed 'suck up and deal'. Bear is out of town and the Blue Falcon was totally non-commital about us hanging out tonight.

I'm going to shower anyway.

- Writing – Still on hold.

- Reading – Meh.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 7 hours 12 minutes, 4x awake, 16x restless, 46 minutes awake/restless.

- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

I've been indulging in treats. I have ice cream (rocky road), candy corn (all out now, though) and chocolate. It's probably me eating my feelings. But I just felt I needed these things.

I also bought some ranch dressing so I could munch down the zucchini I had in my fridge. For some reason I just didn't feel like spiralizing for anything. I've just not been feeling up to the task of cooking the more top shelf, healthy meals.

It's like I just want to be left alone.

I feel like I’m never going to get healthy, and right now I can't even get motivated to care.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – I got a couple snaps from him yesterday, so, that was nice.

- The Unicorn – I got to talk to her for a little bit yesterday, so that was really nice. We talked about her disease presentation for school. She had to do a presentation on 'Shingles', and it was really hard for her because some of the pictures were really grossing her out, but it sounds like she was able to muscle through it.

We talked about the Halloween party at her school and about doing our own belated Samhain thing this coming weekend. We both agreed that she's too old for Trick or Treating. Even though I think I probably should have gotten her a big bag of candy at Sam's Club or something. I guess she'll just have to survive.

I wonder about Ostara...

If she's too old for Trick or Treating, is she too old for an egg hunt? I always said I'd show her the movie Donnie Darko when she was sixteen so she'd know where I got the name Frances/Frank (the bunny) from. So, that really gives me a couple of years yet, and Frances is one of the non-corporeals that she still talks to regularly...

Hmm...

I don't think she's ready for me to drop that bomb yet.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters – To be honest, I'm glad I didn't take any other offers to hang out. I'm just not there with the rest of the world yet. It's the Blue Falcon, or Bear, or no one.  

Yeah, that means I'm kinda in death spiral space, but it's okay. It's a comfy death spiral for the time being.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Naturally I’m still stressing. Somehow thinking that he just doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. Logically I know how wrong that is. Emotionally, I wish I could just shut down and shut the voices the fuck up because they're doing me no good right now.  

I’m still going to make myself hangout ready, just in case.

- Sweeties -

- Bear – Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers – Nothing...

- The Hopefuls - … new to...

- Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:  

I'm looking forward to my continued down time today. Minus that whole thing where I get off my ass and bathe, of course. I know it won't take me long to power through Stranger Things and then I'm going to be in a hole...

I'm hoping I can get back to the reading at that point...

Reading is good.