We've always been Senpai/kohai.

Well... With any great and fluffy luck, there will be snuggles today. Not just any snuggles either. Overnight snuggles! I might just get to feel the weight of someone next to me in the bed tonight. He doesn't snore, so that's what makes this a possibility.

In all fairness, if Bear didn't snore he would have spent the night by now.

I should really book a day when I have nothing going on and let him disturb my sleep all night, just to be nice. He's earned that.

Anyway!

The reason today is still a little bit in the air is that this is my Kohai, and he's chickened out on me before. He's this sweet little mouse of a boy who gets really close to meeting me in person and then quickly scurries into the nearest hole, and then I don't hear from him for a while.

This has been happening for about two years now.

He's promised me that it won't happen this time. That the summer was eventful in ways that gave him a backbone and taught him a lot about what it is to be hurt and to be the one doing the hurting.  

He says he's grown up.

Yeah... we'll see.

So, I suppose I should explain why he has a code name even though there's never been a first date yet.

Simple, he came along before I made that rule.  

He's a self-proclaimed 'Otaku', or: Someone so obsessed with Anime and all things Japanese that it comes at the expense of other social skills. So, our relationship has never been Cougar/cub. We've always been Senpai/kohai.  

I’m not sure what today/tonight/tomorrow will bring... but I hope it's good.

We both deserve that.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy - I'm going to go ahead and admit that the PTSD is still kicking my ass. Not in the 'It's still bothering me' sense of the term, but in the 'it sucked me dry' sense of the term. The cuddles that I absorbed from my last date with Bear would normally have still been sustaining me. His cuddles are fucking awesome. They can sustain me for at least a week, maybe even a week and a half. And right now they're just gone. Poof! Sucked dry! - I need to feed again. That's why I'm really sad that the Blue Falcon took off without so much as a hug the other night. That's why I'm really hopeful that things with my Kohai really work out today/tonight/tomorrow. I need contact. I need to get myself back together again.

It's also not helping that I haven't so much as gotten a snap from Bran in days. That really upsets me. He received my snap asking what's up, but no reply. He's probably sick or something, but it's still upsetting.

- Writing – Still on hold.

- Reading – I've still been mostly in the mood to watch things. Prime just got the latest version of American Gothic, which has nothing to do with the show from ages ago, but it's interesting nonetheless. So... yeah, I'll get back to the reading soon, though.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 8 hours 9 minutes, 2x awake, 14x restless, 28 minutes awake/restless - good night!

- Fur-babies – I saw Catmom out on the front stoop last night while I was checking the mail. I think she was smoking a cigarette. We waved to each other... but there've still been no cats lately. Not sure what's up with that.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

I have my period and a broken tooth, what more do you want from me?

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – Still nothing, and that upsets me. What the fuck Bran? What the fuck?

- The Unicorn – I checked ahead on the calendars today and saw that her winter concert is in early December. Hopefully I can book transport with the bestie again... But, I think I’m going to ask the Blue Falcon to go with me for protection.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters – Nothing new to report.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Yeah, I just texted him and asked if he'd go with me to her concert. I’m sure he will and I'll feel so much safer that way. I wouldn't even ask Bran to do it if he's home by then. Not with the way he betrayed me last year. Let that be a thorn in his pride. I'll go to the Blue Falcon first, last, and only. If Bran wants to go, he'll have to invite himself.

- Sweeties -

- Bear – He checked on me last night. He'd been hanging with some friends and he met a girl!! This is GOOD NEWS. I'm really happy for him. I don't think he's going anywhere anytime soon, and I want him to date and have a chance at a family of his own the same way I do with the Blue Falcon.

Yeah... I still worry about being alone before Bran comes home... but that's just the way things are. If I’m meant to struggle through being alone, I'll be alone, there's nothing I can do to stop that.

Sucks, but that's the way it is.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers – Nothing...

- The Hopefuls - … new to...

- Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:  

So I'm trying to suck down coffee kinda fast while still giving it enough time to cool. Fast because I want enough time to get in the shower before my Kohai gets here. Cool because of the broken tooth that's really temperature sensitive right now.

It's going to suck having yet another tooth pulled... It's getting to the point where I have nothing left to chew with. I'm hoping my health insurance will cover implants or something to rectify that problem soon, but who knows...  

*le sigh*