I'm okay with the fact that I'm not okay.

Such a vicious cycle.

Last night I just didn't want to go to bed. I stayed up for one more episode of Teen Wolf and skipped my nightly oral care (because that's how much I suck).

Then, this morning, if I hadn't been careful, I would have fallen right back asleep after turning off my alarm. Ugh...

I'm almost done with first coffee and I still don't even know what the fuck I'm doing.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – As expected, we did talk a little bit about the Unicorn and my Survivors Guilt... I'm mostly okay. I've been dealing with this survivors guilt for almost as long as I've been with Bran. Almost a decade now. I know this song. I can cope. It's just that this weekend was hard on both of us. The Unicorn and me.

We talked a bit about where my depression is right now. How it's still very there, but it's not quite as oppressive. It's stable. I have to give Bear a lot of the blame for that. As much as the Blue Falcon is my favorite and he's wonderful with me, he doesn't quite invest the time in me that Bear does on our dates. And that's okay. They're two very different people. This isn't a dick measuring contest. If anything, the Blue Falcon needed someone like Bear in my life to take some of the pressure off of him and Bear has done a good job of that.

So... the depression is still fucking with my ability to write, but it's not so bad that I'm breaking down and crying myself to a dehydration headache anymore. And if it got that bad? I could put in a call to either or both of them and they'd be here for me.

I have support.

I'm okay with the fact that I'm not okay.

- Writing – Still on hold.

- Reading – Godhunter hasn't really impressed me yet, but then again I'm not that deep into it either. I've had too much TV to catch up on. However, I have more time in a waiting room today, so we'll see how much farther I get in the story. It's a couple of long rides too. I should be able to make some headway.  

I also have to remember to leave a review on the series I just finished!! Though maybe I shouldn't? I'm only going to give it like 3 stars.

- Sleep / Fitbit – The readings are still off, this time it thinks I went to bed at 8 pm instead of past midnight... this is what happens when I just curl up on the couch and pretend the outside world doesn't exist.

- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Blood Sugar – 134 this morning. I'm a bit disturbed by the fact that it keeps going up a notch every day. Hmmm... on the one hand, it's MONTHS before I see my psychiatrist again to adjust my anti-psychotic which might even out my blood sugars to a better normal, and that's a long time to go with elevated blood sugars. BUT, on the other hand, that's more time for Bran to come home so he can sleep next to me and make up for where the decrease in medication might negatively affect my sleep?

Slightly elevated isn't that bad... I think I’m okay.

- INR – Test today.

- Nervous System – Not this week

- Exercise/Yoga - HAH!

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – No call from him yesterday... so, no idea how (or if) the meeting with the landlord went down. I'll probably hear from him today, though.

- The Unicorn – Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters – Nothing new to report.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Once again, above and beyond the call of duty. I mean, yeah, he was in the neighborhood anyway to get gas, but!  

The lid for my large pan popped it's nob and I needed the Blue Falcon's amazing screwdriver kit to get it back on. So he stopped in for the two minutes it took to give me a functioning lid again. And a hug. And then he was gone.

I'm so fucking useless.

- Sweeties -

- Bear – We texted a bit last night, which was important. It had been a few days since I'd checked on him and I do want him to know that he's important to me. I want him to know that I think about him when he's gone and that it's not just all about when he has his hand in my pussy.

We chitter chatted a bit about our next date. Me getting him addicted to a new show (Dollhouse) and setting him up with my amazing secret recipe popcorn while doing it (white chocolate). We're both excited. Now it's just a matter of when he'll make it out to see me again.

It's also a matter of how many episodes will we get through before he's ripping my clothes off, LOL.

I'm okay with all of the above.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers – Nothing...

- The Hopefuls - … new to...

- Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:  

I'm just getting into second coffee now... starting to perk up a bit.

I have a feeling this is going to be another zero energy to do anything productive day, again.

Somehow I need to be okay with that.