It was a late night last night, but for good reason. I was spending some quality time with Bear.
So, I've slept in today, but my body still wanted me to get up at 8, so it wasn't a very restful sleep for the last two hours of it. I really had to pee and I was getting into some sort of really bad dream territory near the end there.
Something about my 'mate' being with someone else and me being forced to endure being in the presence of it. It felt like a sister. But it wasn't Bran or a sister I recognized, just a general feeling of bad. The more I think about it, it seems like this was another PTSD nightmare dealing with Bran and the Screeching Harpy. So, that's good to know!
Yeah, 'cause that's all I need right now. More reasons to feel separated from him and more reasons to feel like she's winning because she's still with him. More reasons to not heal from the bad juju from last year.
Fuck.
Be over it already.
I either told myself that in the dream itself, or shortly upon waking. It was immediate. I reminded myself that it wasn't Bran, and that he's still with me and that he still loves me.
I can't really tell if I'm over the dream or not, but it just fucking sucks that there was a dream at all.
Right now I'm wishing I had Bear with me again.
He gives the best hugs.
Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Therapy – If I were seeing Valkyrie today, she would tell me that I did the exact right thing. That the immediate positive self-talk reminding myself of my current relationship vs. the one from the PTSD nightmare was the right move. She'd be proud of me.
Now the challenge is getting through the day with this hanging over me. The sense of unease is still lingering even with the logic in place. I still want to be comforted. I still want that hug.
Yes, I texted Bear.
I doubt he could come over again, but I texted him anyway.
- Writing – Still on hold.
- Reading – So, this Godhunter series did not pass the Chapter 5 test. This is where I read up to Chapter 5 (sometimes reading Chapter 5) and decide if I want to continue. Right now I can't even muster the desire to read Chapter 5. I think it's safe to say that this book failed to capture my attention.
I still have a lot of shows to catch up on, but I'll be picking a new book to read soon.
- Sleep / Fitbit – 6 hours 41 minutes, 1x awake, 14x restless, 42 minutes awake/restless. Yeah, I'm going to be dragging ass today.
- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report.
Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- INR – 2.8 yesterday! Seems my body has finally adjusted to not having the hot sauce in my system and has also adjusted to the new, more stable dose of medication. Let's hope the normal ranges continue!!
Relationships / Family:
- Bran – We talked yesterday. Mostly about the stupid people in his training group with the new job. A little about what was going on with me. Neither of us brought up the meeting with the landlord, so I still don't even know what happened with that. I think today I just need to come right out and ask him. It must be slipping his mind to tell me for some reason.
*sigh*
I just hope it's good news and that he's been quiet out of forgetfulness and not out of simply not wanting to tell me what's going on.
- The Unicorn – Still struggling with the survivors guilt. *soft growl* I think that's going to hang on until I get the chance to talk to her again. I need to ask her if she's okay with the fact that I left her behind. I need to find out if she understands.
I hate me.
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]
- Recent Encounters – Nothing new to report.
- Updates on Favorites -
- Blue Falcon – You guessed it. We are at the great grand back the fuck off stage with the Blue Falcon again. Let him make first contact. Let him set up the date. Let him come to me. Which he will, eventually. It's more important to not plague him too much.
- Sweeties -
- Bear – We had such a great night last night!!
He got to me super late because he was dealing with another personal matter that required his attention. But, he was a total sweetie and complied with a request for chocolate!! (which I am now saving for the weekend, because BLOOD MOON!... ugh!)
He didn't even show up until 10pm.
We had our hug.
I was a tad bit frustrated because the plan was to watch Dollhouse on Netflix, but for some fucked up reason, Netflix only has Season 2!!
WTF Netflix?!
So, I had to go to a bunch of other shady sites and try to find a free place to watch Season 1... wasn’t easy, but I did find one.
I had my head in his lap while we watched the first 3 episodes. OH! There was white chocolate popcorn too!!
After the 3rd episode he started to get a little handsy, though. Which I let him. Then he suggested it was time to take me to the Chamber of Snuggles. I agreed.
He got us both naked and then started kissing me.
The kissing is okay. I know it's his favorite thing, so I do it even though it's not my favorite thing. We kissed for a while, and then his hands wandered.
He didn't quite make me scream. I think he was tired. He came back to kissing me. Then he made some mutterings about wishing he could spend the night, but knowing he needed to let us both get some proper rest. He knew we were both tired and that my light sleeper ears wouldn't tolerate his snoring.
We cuddled and kissed a little longer and I thought he was going to leave, but no... his hands wandered again.
THAT time he made me SCREAM!!
Then he was satisfied, LOL!
Then it was time to put clothes back on and hug goodbye.
I got to bed about 2:30 am.
Relationships / Just Friends:
Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:
- The One-Timers – Nothing...
- The Hopefuls - … new to...
- Honorable Mentions - … report.
End Notes:
Just writing about the good night that Bear and I had has already chased the bad dreams away a bit.
This is a good thing!!
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