It's been a fucked up weekend.
Great in many respects... terrible in others... I ended up taking several days off from posting because I simply didn't have a) time (on Friday), or b) a working machine (the weekend). The Unicorn was occupying November, the Chromebook, all weekend while the Blue Falcon and I tried to resolve the problems that were going on with Victor, my laptop.
I thought it was just something that had gone wrong with the latest Windows 10 update, but the Blue Falcon was pretty sure it was Victor's hard drive. Turns out the Blue Falcon was right. So, he went well above and beyond the call of duty when it came to friend/sweetie'ness and he bought me a new one.
I already owe him money for the time he helped pay for new tires on Bran's truck, so he just added this to my tab.
From there it was the problem of getting a working OS onto Victor. Without a key to run Windows, we were stuck downloading Linux.
Okay, so this is new.
I've never had to work with Linux before. So far the user interface isn't all that different than Windows, but the issue, of course, is 'what about the Windows specific programs that I use every day to maintain my productivity?' - For example: OneNote. That's where I type my journal entries before I post them to the blog. That way I have an easy way to access my entries without having to scan back through blog posts to find a specific date/event.
Yes, I KNOW I can just use the online version, but you know what? That causes another problem. It puts a WHITE background on my text!! Then I have to systematically go through the HTML and remove every one of the nearly 200 white background tags. It takes a 5 minute process and turns it into a 45 minute ordeal. So, I really wanted the desktop version of the program.
The Blue Falcon suggested that I could just copy/paste into a word/text editor of some kind and it would strip out the white background, but I knew that would also strip out my formatting as well. So, again, I REALLY wanted the desktop version of OneNote!
Okay, so yesterday when we were getting Linux Mint unpacked and usable, it's 'getting to know you' messages told me about a great Linux program called WINE (Wine Is Not an Emulator). You download WINE and BAM! Windows programs are usable!
Well, not quite.
.
After going through all the trouble of using the tutorial and all the command prompts to get WINE working, it turns out that OneNote is rated as GARBAGE and it won't work for crap on Linux.
Fuck me.
So, I'm back to square fucking one.
I have to take the Blue Falcon's original suggestion and use the online version of OneNote, Copy/Paste it into a Google Doc. Re-Copy/Paste it into Blogger, then change the text to white...
Fuck me, again. This fucking sucks.
It should be temporary, though. The Blue Falcon got a tip from one of his friends that there was a place to spend only $4 for a Windows Key. It has to be Snail Mailed out... but chances are I should have a legit, working version of Windows in the next couple of weeks.
We can certainly hope.
I felt really bad for occupying so much of the Blue Falcon's time and money, but you know him. He loves to help people. He's always there for me when I really need him. I just hate that I rely so much on him.
So, that was my Victor adventure...
The last three days have been both good and bad in other ways too.
I'm currently processing a low-grade anxiety attack in the form of a very upset tummy... so, I need to work on calming down, but I'm not sure how to do that quite yet.
I think I need to read some today...
Yeah, reading sounds good.
Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Therapy – The depression hasn't really been severe at all. I blame the Blue Falcon and Bear for this. They've both been on top of taking care of my need for physical touch lately. Today, however, I do have the anxiety to contend with. That's all due to something that happened with the Unicorn last evening. I know I have a stash of anxiety meds somewhere... I'm debating taking some just to get my tummy to settle down. But they're kinda weak... they never really seemed to have much of an effect on me before... but that was when I was dealing with all the shit from the Screeching Harpy... So, that anxiety was really severe and It's possible those meds just couldn't touch it. Maybe this it could touch?
I'm not sure.
- Writing – Nothing new to report.
- Reading – OMG, I FINALLY finished the Paranormal Romance collection I was reading. I don't know what took me so long to decide to just start skimming over the sex scenes. But it was FINALLY like the last fucking sex scene where I just couldn't take it anymore and I just skimmed it. And then I was totally kicking myself for not skimming those stupid sex scenes sooner. It's not that they were bad or anything, it's just that the author had zero creativity. They were the SAME fucking sex scene! Over and over, just change the characters! UGH! Why did it take me so long to give up on reading them? I could have finished that collection SO much sooner!
Okay, so I picked out my next series... about a girl who kills Gods. First book was free, the rest are on Kindle Unlimited... so far so good, she's pretty snarky with a lot of pop culture references, and I like that in a character. So, we'll see how it goes.
- Sleep / Fitbit – The Fitbit won't sync, I'm getting an error. My phone is also telling me that it's running out of storage space and that some system functions may not work properly. I don't know if my Fitbit sync counts as a system function, but it just might. So, I've got to get in there and start deleting shit.
GRR.
- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report
Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Blood Sugar -
- INR -
- Exercise/Yoga - Regret to inform you that I’m skipping this today. After spending so much of the morning trying to get OneNote working, I've extended myself past my optimal 'work out' time... Don't ask! I don't understand it either. But I have to be working out some time before 11:30 or I can't do it.
I know, I’m weird.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran – I was little spoon cuddling with Bear on Friday when Bran called. I don't remember what we talked about, but that was the last I heard from him. I know the weekends are dead space time. *sigh* Anway... today is his first day on the new 'stay at home' telephone customer service job. I don't know what his schedule is like or if he'll be getting away to pick up the elder abomination or not. So, I may never really hear from him again. It's too soon to know.
I fucking hate this shit.
- The Unicorn – Interesting weekend.
She got to me late on Friday because she was invited to see a play at the Children's Theatre. Which is totally cool. We still got one episode of Buffy in before she was too tired to go on.
She was having a lot of anxiety, though.
She'd come to the realization that High School is happening for her soon, and her dad is really mean when it comes to working on homework. He punishes her for doing things wrong. He intimidates her and seems to think that fear is a way to help her learn. She needed to tell him to back off, but she didn't know how. She was mostly afraid of hurting his feelings by saying that she was scared to go to him for help with her homework. So, she asked me to step in and help her with this.
That was pure fucking agony.
Listening to her describe the way he abused her when she was trying to learn. Knowing that I abandoned her to that fate. Knowing that I failed to protect her as a mother.
Gods... it hurt so much.
We did stand up to him though. Not that it worked. He denied that he did anything wrong at all and told her that her fears had no merit whatsoever.
But she seemed to accept his explanation... she was just happy that the conversation was over and then she hugged us both.
It sucked...
It really sucked.
--
In other news, I was able to give her the birthday present that the Blue Falcon and I picked out for her. We got her an Otamatone. An unusual little musical instrument that hails from Japan. She's trying to learn how to play it, but I mostly got it so she could annoy her father with it.
Yeah, I'm one of those kinds of Ex's and I'm not the least bit ashamed of it.
--
She had fun playing with the Blue Falcon's cats while he was getting Linux working on Victor. He also kept her entertained with a few episodes of One Punch Man, LOL. Even I enjoyed those.
--
*sigh*
I wish I had more time with her...
I wish I were there to protect her more.
This is where all my anxiety is today. On my failure as a mother.
I think I have stuff to discuss with Valkyrie tomorrow.
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]
- Recent Encounters – Nothing new to report.
You probably shouldn't expect anything here for a while. I've really given up on sweeties. Somehow Bear skated in under the radar, but I have no desire to meet anyone new. I just don't have the strength for it.
- Updates on Favorites -
- Blue Falcon – Again with the above and beyond. He did things he really didn't have to do. I could have gotten by on with November. But... this is what he does... And I love him for it.
I really hope this didn't eat into my pending cuddle or show watching time with him, though.
Still, I think it's best that I back off again and wait for him to make contact.
- Sweeties -
- Bear – We had a good date on Friday. He didn't come over nearly as early as his original plan, and I could have gotten more stuff done (like cleaning the house), but I just ended up bumming around and reading, waiting for him to show up.
We started with the spoon cuddles, again. Which are wonderful.
Eventually he worked his way up to the 'making me scream' part of the date.
He's a very strong 'giver'. Little or no care for his own pleasure. He just wants to use his fingers to make me scream and he's satisfied once he's done that.
Then he laid over me a little bit and I stroked his back.
The acne wasn't as bad, and I DID ask him about his self-care and seeing a dermatologist. He said he's done it in the past, but he didn't keep up with the treatments. I told him that self-care is HARD, and then I told him the story about when my skin folicles themselves had a yeast infection and how terribly wrong that treatment had gone when it came to the rat poison. So, hopefully that softened the blow of me basically saying 'your back is gross'. Which I did NOT say, but I'm sure he felt it was implied.
I also told him I was just worried about his health and that I didn't want him to get any sort of a skin infection. I told him about the itching and scratching that led up to my own visit to a dermatologist and how Bran had been worried about me getting a Staph Infection <sp?> .
Anyway...
He stayed all the way up till 9 pm hoping to meet the Unicorn, but then he had to leave for work.
It's okay. He'll meet her someday.
I really did enjoy his company, and I know he's keeping the depression away with his loving touch... it's a good thing... a very good thing.
Relationships / Just Friends:
I did connect to someone on OKC who just wants to be friends. We had a good talk, so that was nice.
I'm also talking to another guy who's new to Polyamory and really having a sucktastic time acclimating to his wife having 'others' while he's been a bit limited by circumstances.
I'm there for him as much as I can be, but I don't have all the answers and I don't want to... this is his box of issues and he has to work through them... I can only advise so much before he has to start standing up for himself and changing the way things are going. He has to work on his own happiness... I can't do that for him.
I wish him the best, though.
Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:
- The One-Timers – I'm thanking all the Gods that I've not heard anything from either of my strange dates from about a week and a half ago... I have no desire to see either of them again.
- The Hopefuls – I'm sure I have guys who are kind of lining up... but I really have no interest.
One potential worthy of note would be my Kohai. He's planning on spending the night soon... so, hopefully that will work out for the best, but I'm not placing any bets on him. He's chickened out on me too many times for me to put any real faith in him.
- Honorable Mentions – There was the one Poly guy who brought me wine... he tried making contact on a Unicorn weekend, but hasn't tried again since... whatever... it is what it is.
End Notes:
So, now It's the 'getting this posted' despite the fact that I'm impaired by a Linux machine...
Go me?
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