Screw you, wine.

I keep having nights where I don't want to go to bed, I'd rather stay in up and read.

I also keep having mornings where I don't want to get up, I'd rather stay in bed and sleep.

I know I can't be the only one with these problems.

I’m surprised that I have the discipline level that I do. The meds help to get me down at night and the coffee helps to get me up in the morning. My brain is awash in artificial chemicals to get it to conform to my will.

Know what, though?

I still have a bottle with a glass worth of wine sitting on my counter.

It's been there for weeks.

Years ago that wouldn't have happened. I would have sucked down any available alcohol without restraint. Now I look at it and I don't even want it. I don't want the way I know it will make my head fuzzy and I especially don't want the way it will make me waste time by wanting a nap instead of getting things done.

Even when the depression was at its worst these past weeks, I never went after that wine for any sort of relief.

It's very empowering to know that my brief stint with alcoholism didn't have any lasting effects on me.

Screw you, wine.

I'm over you.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I'm still getting little twinges of the depression and loneliness, but for the most part I seem to be holding okay. That boost I got from Bear is keeping me above the abyss. It won't last, though. I'm going to have to see him or the Blue Falcon soon if I want to stay where I am and not let things get to me.

 - Writing - Still on hold.

 - Reading - I'm surprised that I'm not completely tired of the Forbidden Love series yet. The author is managing to keep it fresh and not sink too much into repetition with her vampires and it's interesting how she's continuing their storylines.

Still, I'm looking forward to finishing the series and moving on to something else, though.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 20 minutes, 1x awake, 17x restless, 36 minutes awake/restless - so an unusually good night considering I only woke up once and I was able to ignore the need to get up and get more water in the middle of the night.

Go me.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Blood Sugar - 129 - Still a little high… This isn't good. Even with eating the popcorn for dinner last night… that should have brought it down. I'm still thinking the rice is the reason, but what can I do? I have to eat. We'll see what happens once I've gotten some shopping trips down and I'm back on the zucchini as a staple again.

 - Exercise/Yoga - I shouldn't have any trouble fitting in my workout today. (meh, still dun wanna)

 - Weight Management - It's on my calendar for like the 4th week of the month… I'll check my weight again then.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Woke up to some lovely snaps of a very frisky Bran nature this morning. Apparently, he was in the mood and was able to sneak off and take care of himself. I'm looking forward to the day when he can just grab me and pull my pants down instead of having to sneak off to a bathroom to take care of himself. That's no way for a man to live. He deserves pussy. Poor guy.

 - The Unicorn - I have her this coming weekend, but she's getting to me late in the evening on Friday because she's going to see a play at the Children's Theatre. Which is GOOD. I'm glad she's getting some culture.  :)

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - He got back into town sometime yesterday/last night, but I haven't really checked on him. All I know is that he said he had a good time.

I'm sure we'll hang out sometime this week. I'm really hoping it will be before Thursday and that he wouldn't mind doing a bank/grocery run with me.

I really miss him.

I need my Blue Falcon snuggles!!

 - Sweeties -

 - Bear - We texted a little bit yesterday. We were both missing each other a bit. I invited him over but he was a) busy with friends, and b) had to work last night. But he did say we'd get together this week.

I'm looking forward to it.

I'm going to ask him about his back… I'm going to try to do it gingerly, so I don't upset him. But his skin condition can't be healthy. I have to ask for his own good.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One-Timers - Neither of my 'Whatever Dude's' have contacted me again. Thank the gods. Though I'm sure one of them will touch base when he's feeling horny again. I don't care, I'm over it, I'm not interested. He's had his fun. We're not compatible. His penis doesn't work. He's too old for me.

 - The Hopefuls - Nothing new to report.

 - Honorable Mentions - I was contacted by one of my Facebook friends last night. As much as I scream and yell that Facebook is not a dating site, this one was actually a perfect gentleman and I didn't mind talking to him at all. He was very sweet and very flattering. He's just been fascinated with me and he wanted to tap in. He wanted to see if I would ever consider dating someone older. Someone closer to my age. I told him my misgivings about men my age. The whole penis not working thing that really bothers me. He seemed to imply that wouldn't be a problem with him. I asked him what it was about me that caught his attention and he listed some very good reasons. My strength, my sense of humor, etc.

I’m not sure anything will come of this. I don't know where he lives. I know I’m not traveling. Nor would I tolerate another long-distance relationship of any kind.

Gods, not ever again on that last note.

I'm so OVER long-distance relationships.

I'm NEVER getting into another one of those again!

End Notes:

I don't have much to say in closing. I've got nothing to bring this post full circle… so, I'm just going to wave 'good morning' and go about my day.