Hopefully there will be snuggles soon.

Last night I got really bored and lonely, which is odd because I just saw Bear on Sunday. I'm pretty sure it's my low grade anxiety over Bran's homecoming that's eating up all my energy reserves and making me needy for a snuggle bump up.

I’m not worried about Bran coming home.

I’m worried that I’m going to get his hopes up about his coming home and somethings going to go drastically wrong and he's going to end up trapped up north for another six months. His plan is to come home, he's assured me of this, but since when have his plans actually worked out in his favor lately?

So, unfortunately I did not get cuddles last night no matter how badly I needed them. I didn't even bother tapping the Blue Falcon, I know how busy he is and if he wanted to see me, he'd be here. I did tap Bear, but he was busy last night too.  

It's okay... I'm used to being alone and having to muscle through the loneliness during times like this. I had a pretty entertaining sexual fantasy to keep me company.

I also, out of sheer boredom, started watching the SAW movies on Netflix. I even stayed up past my bedtime and turned off my alarm this morning, hence the late start today.

I don't know what the next few days are going to be like...  

Hopefully there will be snuggles soon.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – So, the next question, of course, is what else can I do about this anxiety if there are no snuggles to bump up my energy reserves? I seem to have planned ahead to this because I picked up treats yesterday. I have a half gallon (minus one serving) of Rocky Road in my freezer. I have chocolate and candy corn too.

Ya'll can fuck your pumpkin spice bullshit. I'm all about the candy corn.

So, I guess that's what It's down to... treats... bad movies... hopes for snuggles.

I’m not really sure what else to do about this other than to just ride it out.

I've been through worse, I guess, but this still feels awful.

- Writing – Still on hold – although that sexual fantasy of mine is rater juicy and it would make a great Ghost Story. - I'll think about it. I'll think about writing it.  

No promises, though.

- Reading – The latest book to grace my brain is a pretty straight up erotica. No paranormal, no romance. Or at least no romance as far as I can tell so far. It's about a girl who has crushed on her older brother's best friend her entire life and now she's come up with some whacky scheme to seduce him. Not even for love, just for the sex. Just one night of pounding to get him out of her system...  

Really?

Yeah, I'm not even giving the premise high marks for keeping me entertained, but it will be good research for writing a sex scene, so I'm okay with that. (even if I think I'm avoiding reading it by streaming shitty movies in my down time.)

- Sleep / Fitbit – 8 hours 29 minutes, 2x awake, 19x restless, 51 minutes awake/restless - which is way better than expected considering how NOISY my upstairs neighbors were last night. I’m fed up. Next time I’m calling the police.

- Fur-babies – Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Exercise/Yoga - I have a new case worker, and she can meet with me on Tuesday's, so pretty soon my last remaining excuse for not exercising will evaporate. Not only that, with Bran coming home, chances are I'll be able to afford the DDP Yoga DVD's soon and then I will REALLY have no excuses.

Ugh... I just want to have motivation dammit!

Relationships / Family:

- Bran - *sigh* I hope he's able to call me today... He was supposed to talk to the Screeching Harpy about her plan-b last night and I'm curious to find out how that went. To the best of my knowledge he's keeping it under wraps that he's coming home when it comes to her, but he's going to have to tell her eventually.  

Right now his plan-a is a smoke screen of him attempting to exhaust all housing options up north before he finally caves and says it's just better for him to move back to the cities. I honestly don't know why he's doing it this way. He already has an exit strategy and I don't understand why he's not using it now. It sounds like he's waiting until they're separated or until plan-a 'fails' before he pulls that lever.  

That's what's making me so jumpy, I think.

I think it's because he hasn't sent her away yet.

Well, maybe when he sets up the Internet/Landline phone here, I'll feel better. Once he pulls THAT lever, there's no turning back. He wouldn't waste that kind of money if he wasn't sure he was coming home.

Here's hoping.

- The Unicorn – This is going to be the first Halloween (on my year) that I haven't taken her out Trick or Treat'ing. I just figure 14 is too old for that, but I never really asked her opinion on that either. I just figured she'd have something better to do.

Also, she's doing her disease presentation soon. So, I should call her and find out how that's going.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ I took out the section on sweetie bio's, the whole 'sweetie' thing never really worked out. I only ended up with a bunch of one night stands. I'm giving up on sweeties. ]

- Recent Encounters – Does my sexual fantasy count?  

Nah, it's better if I just leave you hanging... nobody reads this anyway.

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Movie Night is this Sunday and I have no other plans, so I've sent the Blue Falcon a text offering to join him if he'd like the company. Which he might not, but he might say yes too... I’m good either way. I mean, I miss him. But I know he has to have a life outside of our relationship too.

He's way overdue to start dating.

He's going to be 28 soon... he should be married with a kid already. We all know this. He just keeps finding other ways to stay occupied other than getting serious about finding his life mate.

Hopefully, Bran will come home and then I can actively start PUSHING the Blue Falcon to start doing more to find his life mate.

- Sweeties -

- Bear – I'm not going to get into the reasons why he was so busy last night. That's his business. But I will say that I felt bad for him. Something happened on his end that hurt him and I know he was doing what he had to in order to get over it, but I kinda wish he'd come to me for stuff like that too.

He has plans today as well, but I don't know how long they'll keep him occupied for. He didn't say anything about coming over, but I know he's going to be out of town this weekend. So, if he was going to make it out, today would be the day for that.

I’m unsure... I would love to see him, but I'll be okay if he needs to take care of himself for now.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

- The One-Timers – Nothing...

- The Hopefuls - … new to...

- Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:  

Today was my first day with Velvet Hammer as my coffee. My bullet blender did a smashing job of grinding the beans for me. I really enjoyed it.

It's such a late/slow start today... and I need a shower too.

And I’m hungry.

Ugh... better get on that.