And I smiled...

*WARNING DARK*

You know how I sometimes have those PTSD nightmares? My nocturnal adventures will put me back in a situation where I'm being emotionally abused. Sometimes my parents, sometimes JerkDad...

Sometimes it's the Screeching Harpy.

She's been brought up a few times in the last week. Without really understanding that these wounds are still very fresh, I've been asked to talk about what happened.

So, in this dream, as with all dreams that include her, there is still a co-habitational situation going on. Her presence in my space gets my hackles up.

This time was a bit different, though.

Bran wasn't dividing his attention between us anymore. He was exclusively sleeping in my bed.  

Meanwhile, the Screeching Harpy seemed to have some dick faced looser sharing hers.

Yet, every time I saw her... she looked sad. Almost forlorn.

Then, later, as I was sitting outside (still in the dream) and being pissed off that the bitch was still in my space, it suddenly hit me.

She's still in love with Bran.

Only he's not with her anymore.

He's mine.

She has to live in the same space with him... seeing him every day... tortured by the fact that he loves me and not her.  

Every. Single. Day.

That knife twisting in her tainted heart.

And I smiled.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy – It will be interesting to see what Valkyrie makes of that dream. I also have it on my calendar to remember that damn butterfly for her today!!

- Writing – Nothing new to report.

- Reading - Nothing new to report.

- Yarn Therapy – It's official... I’m going to take the #yarnslut kit with me when I travel today. It –barely- squeezes into the Hello Kitty lunchbox, so I will have to be careful.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 5 hours 21 minutes, 2x awake, 8x restless, 14 minutes awake/restless - not bad...

- Fur-babies – Dreamy and I took a good long nap together last night. He found his spot on the throw blanket and then I pulled it to me so we were cuddling. Sadly this #NapAttack included no REM sleep for me. I almost hit REM ONCE, but just as I was slipping in, that's when Bran burst into the room and startled me. My body/brain refused to settle down again after that.

*sigh*

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Headache from hell is sitting at about a 1-2 on the pain scale right now. So, not gone and I know it will only continue to get worse as the day progresses again.

I have no idea what the fuck I need to do about this.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – Still no massage. This is even AFTER he told me "Hey, I didn't forget about you!" And "I'll take care of you later tonight." (yesterday) - Fuckin' nope... nothing.  

I'm literally writhing in pain and he still does nothing.

- The Unicorn – Lo and behold, JerkDad actually responded to the email conversation AND (omg!) he even remembered to hit 'reply all'.  

I'm so very truly shocked about this one.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

- The Giver – I was doing my thing yesterday morning, and wham! Unsolicited Dick Pic.

We had words.

*grump*

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder – There was a status update on FB, he's progressing and doing well with his career. I feel good for him.

- Cuddle Crush – Positive status update there too. No details, just a clear upswing.

Now... I know there will be ups and downs... so, for the time being, I'm happy that she seems happy. But, I hold no illusions that she's going to stay there.  

She has a long way to go in her journey, but I'm proud of her for trying.

Relationships / Just Friends:

#SugarFriend was treated to FB status updates and photos of her gifts being lovingly used and adored. I know she's happy that she's put a smile on my face.

End Notes:  

Really not sure what the day's going to bring... therapy... #NapAttack... #YarnSlut... Headache from hell... Cuddles? A back rub?

I don't fucking know.

Literally my one and only battle plan for today is just to survive it.