I just messaged my primary care physician... this migraine-stress/tension headache is getting out of hand. This has been going on for like 2-weeks now. Sometimes it's just low-grade enough to be annoying, but I can still mostly function. Other times it's fucking debilitating. This might even be the reason why I can't hit REM when I try to nap too.
Ugh...
I've been using OTC migraine medicine, but it does next to nothing.
My biggest fear here is that if I go to my doctor, it's going to end up being just like my chronic pain/inflammation, where we just throw pills and shit at it, but nothing sticks and it's all useless because we can't figure out the source of the problem.
My chiropractor might figure it out again...
However, and I hate hate hate to admit this, but I'm starting to wonder if I should be investigating the option of medicinal marijuana.
I don't like the idea because I was raised by parents that ABUSED drugs and alcohol. My childhood was traumatized by their excessive marijuana use.
But, with everything I've researched... and all the fucking medical problems that I'm just throwing pills at... maybe it's time I start looking into this.
Big Pharma can go fuck itself.
Mental Health / Self-Care:
- Therapy – Update: I just talked to Bran about the medicinal marijuana thing, and his worry is that there's not enough research/knowledge on how that might react with other psyche meds. There was a time when alcohol reacted very poorly with an overdose of a med during a very bad time and I ended up trying to commit suicide with a plastic cup.
Yeah... bad juju.
So, this needs to be something either big pharma or something my chiropractor can figure out.
Fuck.
- Writing – Nothing new to report.
- Reading - Nothing new to report.
- Yarn Therapy – All this pain fatigue has me putting off Misha every day. *sigh* - but I’m getting a little work done on Spirtual Ripples.
- Sleep / Fitbit – What the fuck? I got up for water and stuff at 7, but went right back to sleep because 'yay, meds' - got up around 10... told Fitbit I got up at 10... still says I got up at 7... fuck you Fitbit.
- Fur-babies – I had so much Ginger love last night.
The Blue Falcon and I were both unwell, so we both wanted to lay down on the sofa during the Movie. Easily done with him laying back on one end and me on the other, then we just cross the streams and sorta cuddled with our legs.
So, he had Panther incapacitating his right arm, while Ginger was incapacitating my left arm. Both cats happily napping on us.
It was good.
Good auras... made me feel better... back to feeling like shit today, though. :(
Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Nervous System – I don't see my chiropractor this week... this is going to be a very long fucking week.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran – Goodness he did piss me off yesterday.
It's just a thing that he does... it happens... it's been happening for 10-years... it's always going to happen. It's a behavior pattern of his that I'm never going to be able to change.
I need to stop getting wound up in the anger stage and progress to acceptance.
Sometimes – NOT ALL THE TIME!!! - sometimes, he makes promises that he just does not keep.
This will leave me with crushed expectations or having to clean up a mess he's left behind, but it's nothing I can't cope with.
Yesterday I was so angry that I stopped talking to him for awhile.
I need to cut that shit out.
This is who he is. Most of the time he's the most wonderful, generous person in the world. He's worth a mistake now and again.
- The Unicorn – I'm kinda laughing my ass off here because arrangements are being made for the Unicorn's next IEP meeting, and they're all being done via email.
Last I heard, JerkDad was at least 700 messages behind in all his email.
Dumb mother-fucker.
It's called "An afternoon off" and a "Fix your shit already".
Anyway, knowing his work schedule, this is absolutely NOT going to favor well with him. So, for the first time ever, instead of getting me up well before the ass crack of oh dear god, is that the sun? and expecting me to function - He has to cope with this totally fucking with his reality.
He's going to have to make a very tough choice. Either miss work, or miss out on giving his input regarding his child.
It's going to be interesting to see how this plays out. Especially with the fact that my ability to actually respond and have a real-time conversation via email will cement this date and time long before he even has a clue as to what the fuck is going on.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Relationships / Sweeties:
- Updates on Favorites -
- Blue Falcon – Last night was absolutely the biggest turn out for Movie Night, ever. The Blue Falcon must have had somewhere between 20 and 30 people logged into his room. The movie was Dreadd.
The Blue Falcon is still just a little grumpy with me for placing an order that might come while he's on vacation. He wants me to try using the Amazon Lockers. I actually think that's an amazing fucking idea!! I'm totally going to look into that!
As always, it was good to see him. I miss the fact that we used to hang out a lot more often, but I also get it that Bran's home and I really shouldn't need the Blue Falcon as much anymore.
I guess I just still love him.
- Sweeties -
- The Giver – With the recent stress/tension, I've literally been saying to Bran that I need to start banging a masseuse. Only hell if I didn't want to go back on the dating sites to try and find one. Then after the broken promise yesterday that left me angry as hell about the massage that didn't happen... I found my thoughts turning back to The Giver.
He did actually contact me recently, but Bran was home and I could no longer host, so... sorry dude.
Only now Bran's getting this weekend job, and I can host like, every other weekend, and damn, wouldn't it be nice to have someone like The Giver around? Massage heaven!
Guess who pings me last night?
Yeah...
I have the next two weekends with the Unicorn, but after that it's time for some Giver.
YES.
- AmbiguSweeties -
- Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.
- Cuddle Crush – Hell if I know what the fuck is going on. I reach out... sometimes she reaches back, sometimes she doesn't... sometimes I'm thrilled that I seem to be getting close, sometimes I'm hurt that she seems to be pulling away... sometimes I remember that getting close will only hurt her in the end, sometimes I forget that fact entirely.
All the time?
I can't stop thinking about her.
I just want to hold her so badly... it's the only thing that's ever on my mind.
Relationships / Just Friends:
I don't necessarily have a code name for her... Bran calls her my Sugar Friend.
I have this absolute sweetheart who lives many many miles away, that will sometimes spend money on me... it's not often at all, but it's such a sweet gesture when she does.
One time, it was tea.
One time, it was mugs and a necklace.
This time, it was a replacement for my favorite mug (that she had also sent me) that I'd broken for lack of a decent dish rack... and a fucking dish rack so I wouldn't break this one!! LOL!!
It was also, specifically, the two-tier dish rack that's been on my Amazon wish list for over a year.
I somehow feel so complete today. :)
End Notes:
Okay, so I still fucking feel like hell. Just typing this has taken most of the day. I also did the dishes that Bran 'broken promise' didn't finish on Saturday.
Usually after the blog, most of my day is just 'relax' - Yarn Therapy.
Addiction says 'Slut that Yarn!'
Menage a Trois of pain and fatigue say 'Lay the FUCK down!'
Not sure which one is going to win, yet.
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