Radio Silence...

Ever since I stopped communicating with that little jerk who called me condescending, my morning routine has sped up a bit. I'm no longer wasting part of my morning emailing him.

However, that's had the side effect of me getting here before caffeine has started to kick in…

Meaning I have no clue what to write about.

LOL

Whatever.

This is better than the alternative.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I love Valkyrie to death, but fuck me, she asks the difficult questions.

She pointed out that if I've needed the sweeties to cope with Bran being gone all along, then I might be more codependent than I was allowing myself to believe.

We're also trying to figure out what the hell happened. I was THRIVING for awhile there. I was doing really well. And then I broke.

Granted, I didn't break hard, but I still broke.

I think it was when Bran didn't come home at the six month mark. That's also when I became disgusted with the one night stands and they became 'not enough' to feed me anymore.

It will be an interesting experiment to see what happens if Criminy and Hopeful 1 stick around.

Will I thrive again if I'm getting fed regularly? And then 'is that codependent?'

Fuck, I don't know.

Valkyrie also asked where I would be if Bran never came back. Where would I be if he ended it.

I told her it would knock me down, but it wouldn't knock me out. I believe I'd wait a bit before trying another serious relationship. I'd probably start seeing some people closer to my age and I'd keep recruiting sweeties. Then I'd just wait for one of them to stick.

I told Bran about that when I talked with him last night. His reaction was very… shall we say 'forceful'?

"Let's hope that's a question that we never find out the answer to!" he said.

Honestly, at this point… it would break Bran harder than it would break me if things ended between us. He hates his life right now. He wants the life he had with me back.

I don't know what he would have done if I hadn't forgiven him.

 - Writing - I've made it as far as posting chapter 7… I'm going to work on chapter 8 and on soon… we're getting it done… I'm nervous about getting to Act II.a… that's a lot of words to fill in…. How am I going to write all that?  What am I going to fill that space with?

I don't know.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 5 minutes, 2x awake, 11x restless, total of 29 minutes awake/restless

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - 3 today

 - Blood Sugar - 133

 - INR - Test today

 - Nervous System - Next week

 - Inflammation - Seems okay

 - Exercise/Yoga - I suck so bad at this

 - Weight Management - I don't even want to know

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Today is his day off, which means that I normally wouldn't hear from him because of _her_, but he's picking up some furniture today so I'll probably get to talk to him for a fair bit. That will be nice. I love talking to him.

Also, she's getting a vehicle of her own this weekend so she 'shouldn't' need to use his. Plus her night job where she needs a vehicle is ending soon.

This means he can start looking into taking some time off and coming to visit me.

That would be great. Just to be with him a little bit.

At least I think it would be great.

Part of me worries about the 'more harm than good' factor of being close to him and then having to lose him to the great north again.

*sigh*

I don't know.

I just don't know how to handle this anymore.

 - The Unicorn - She's coming this weekend.  :)  -  Still no internet, so I might try a different trick so we can still do Buffy/Angel - we need to get back on track with that.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - We're going to scope out fireworks spots this weekend. Planning ahead for my birthday. So, that will be nice. I do miss him and I love spending time with him. Any time with him is good time. Just being able to be close to him kills the pain.

*sigh*

I really hope these hopefuls work out.

It would be nice to not have everything riding on the Blue Falcon anymore.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Didn't hear from Criminy yesterday, so no idea where he stands today.

 - The Hopefuls -

Hopeful 1 Got into a car accident with a company car yesterday. He's finding out if he's in trouble today. Physically he's okay, but this could still put a damper on our date next weekend.

Hopefuls 2&3 I didn't hear anything from either of them yesterday.

 -- Friday -- Nothing from him either.

 - Honorable Mentions - Jasper didn't even respond to my text when I told him I was happy that he was home with HLS and their son.

End Notes:

Come to think of it, now it makes sense why this entry seemed light on the front end. Communication was all dead space yesterday so there wasn't much to think about / update on this morning.

Hmm…

Well, I guess it's time to see what today is going to bring.

The Truth is in the Waiting...

I woke up to a brief note from Jasper this morning. He made it back home to his family safe and sound.

I'm really happy for him. Being away from HLS was killing him. I wanted what was best for him and what was best for him was her. Is her. Will always be her. They need each other like Bran and I need each other.

I will miss him, though.

He was the one who showed me what it was to be held down by someone who meant it and I will never forget that lesson.

That's where Friday was supposed to come into play, but Friday is in his own private corner of hell right now and nobody knows if or when he'll come out. We also don't know who he'll be when he comes out. Holding a girl down might not even be his thing anymore.

The truth is in the waiting.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I gamed for a little bit last night. I made it through two of my three characters before my drive quit on me. *sigh* I may need to come to grips with the fact that I'm just not feeling the gaming grind anymore.

I see Valkyrie today.

I’m not even sure what we'll talk about.

I guess I’m just feeling a bit numb right now.

 - Writing - I finished my revisions all the way through the epilogue of Act I yesterday. Then I got to work uploading the revisions to Scribophile. I made it as far as uploading chapter 4 before my brain quit on me. I'm hoping to get a lot more done today before I leave to see Valkyrie.

It's still a process. There are still things I need to double check before the upload. It's not a lot… just last minute things. But enough that I need to be awake and alert to look for any mistakes.

My current Hopeful 1 is beta reading me now. So, that's awesome! Valkyrie, of course, has been waiting for the updated chapters with baited breath. I also may have acquired another beta reader last night. We're calling him Hopeful 3.

I should be in the creation process of Act II.a sometime next week.

So, that will be interesting.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours 54 minutes, 0x awake, 14x restless, total of 27 minutes restless.

Check out that zero times awake! I like the looks of that!!

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - 3 today

 - Blood Sugar - 130 this morning

 - INR - Test tomorrow

 - Nervous System - Adjustment next week.

 - Inflammation - Seem to be on top of it.

 - Exercise/Yoga - Uuuugggggghhhhhh…..

 - Weight Management - No idea

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - He's still trapped and hating it.

*sigh* I don't know.

I’m starting to feel like this is going beyond the reasonable bounds of karma. I feel like he's paid the price enough for his sins and he can come home now.

Something tells me he's going to be gone a full year. Just for the sake of symmetry.

Fuck me… that would suck.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - He's coming over this Sunday to spend some time with the Unicorn and Me. We're going to be scoping out locations to see Fireworks on my birthday.

Bran and I have also decided that the Blue Falcon is getting the official Blue Falcon T-Shirt for his birthday. LOL.

The thing that's interesting about the Blue Falcon is that he can't feel love. But, damn, he fakes it well! Shit, I'm an empath and I can't tell that he doesn't love me!

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Criminy and I are still talking it out. He still wants me to feed on him again. I'm still reassuring him that I'll take care of him after. We'll see.

 - The Hopefuls -

Hopeful 1: We still chit-chat every day. He's going to be busy with work a lot this week. Our plan is still to do an overnight on my next non-unicorn weekend. He wants to make me feel loved…

*warm sigh*

I can't wait for that!

Hopeful 2: No dates are set, yet. I'm still on the fence over whether or not we're really all that compatible. But, he's treating me as a whole person and I really like that in a guy, so I feel he deserves a chance.

Hopeful 3: We just met on OKC last night. So far I really like this guy. He's all about the respect. I'm thinking I might stack a date with him right around the same time as Hopeful 1. We're going to pop popcorn and watch Trick or Treat. He's also looking at beta reading for me as well. (so hot!)

 -- Friday -- I'm being patient with Friday… I'm being as supportive as I can be. I'm being loving.

I hope he's able to get through this process unscathed… but it's still too soon to know for sure.

Really, it's not about me or what he could give me. I just want him to be okay.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

The truth is in the waiting.

Bran, Criminy, Friday…

Everyone…

So, there just isn't much else…

I just have to keep waiting.

So far so good...

So far it feels like a normal day.

I got to bed on time last night, I got up with the alarm this morning, I'm experiencing the normal level of fatigue for being almost done with first coffee. I have my hopes that it's going to be a normal day where I can get some work done and I'm not plagued by the need to take a 5 hour nap in the middle of the day.

Still nothing out of the kid who accused me of being condescending. I don't even think he realizes that he's the one who needs to apologize here. Fuck it. I'm done. I just don't have the reserve strength to carry anyone else right now. I'm barely carrying myself anymore.

I can't believe it's almost the end of May and Bran still isn't home yet.

I don't know how much longer my strength can hold out.

At least I have the Blue Falcon. He helps so much.

Criminy is still on the fence.

There are two hopeful's now. The one I've been chatting with for quite some time now, and one I just started chatting with this weekend.

Something's got to give.

I need more help than just what the Blue Falcon can give me. I need more sweeties. I need more snuggles. I need more strength.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I’m slipping on my therapies. I haven't touched yarn in weeks. I haven't touched the game in days… I've literally been too tired to game. All I seem to want to do is curl up on my couch and nap to a movie. I have no idea what's so wrong with me. It might be depression, it might be diet. It might be any combination of a number of things… I just hope it releases me today.

 - Writing - I’m closing in on finishing up my work with chapter 18. That's the big Jessa reveal chapter, where we get her full story on why she was rejecting Daniel so hard. It's the kick off for Act II… it's important that I include it as a sort of epilogue for Act I when I post this. Then I have some breathing room to work on Act II.a before I start posting that. Hopefully it will all be well received.

I'm looking forward to the feedback.

But first, I need to have the energy to do the work.

*crosses fingers*

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours 58 minutes, 1x awake, 19x restless, total of 48 minutes awake/restless

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - I'm going to keep it to 3 today. Number 2 is cooling now… *crossing fingers* I hope it's enough… I already do feel a little like laying down again.  :(

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Nothing really new there either. Just more of the same 'I miss him, I love him'. My heart breaks every day that he's not with me.

Deep down I know our relationship needed to be cleansed in this fire, but it still sucks.

*sigh* at least he's learning to appreciate me, right?

He'll never take me for granted again, that's for damn sure.

Nor will I ever take him for granted again.

We needed this break so we could start over.

Cosmic forces will probably keep us apart for a year, just for symmetry.

Ugh… this sucks so bad.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Part of me wants to text him and ask him over again. Part of me wants to just cling to him constantly. Part of me is 100% addicted to the pain relief that he brings.

Thankfully the rest of me knows that he's a) very busy, and b) that's a bad idea.

I still want him, though.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Like I said above, Criminy is on the fence on whether or not he's coming back. He really wants me to just succubus out on him and feed without restraint. But at the same time the extreme fatigue that leaves him with puts him at risk while he's at work. So, I know I need to find ways for him to replenish that energy faster. But, it's still nice that he wants me to feed on him. He's a good guy… I hope we work this out.

 - The Hopefuls - No code names yet:

Hopeful 1: We've been chit-chatting every day for at least a week now. He takes an interest. He asks questions. He reads my work. He makes me feel special. He's very surprised that the Blue Falcon doesn’t love me back and one of his goals for our time together is that he wants me to feel loved. He's a strong 'giver' type that just needs to feel appreciated.

I can do that!

Hopeful 2: We just started chit-chatting this weekend. I haven't gone as far as suggesting a date, yet. I'm not there with him yet. He does take an interest and he treats me as a whole person. He seems nice. Maybe I'll suggest a date soon, maybe not. I'm just not sure with him, yet.

 -- Friday -- I worry a lot about Friday.

There's just nothing I can do to make his path through the underworld any safer or less traumatizing. And there's no telling who or what he'll be when he comes out the other side. He might not even be the kind of person who has any interest in me anymore.

I just hope the best for him… I really do…

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

So, here I am… just starting on second coffee… partially feeling like I want to go back and lie down…

Ugh! What is wrong with me?!?!

So tired lately...

Sorry about missing yesterday's entry. I was spending some time with the Blue Falcon and by the time I could have gotten to it I was really tired for some reason. I just couldn't get up the energy to make the entry. I just laid down and watched a movie until I fell asleep to it and took a nap.

Something's been off with me lately. Like I’m sleeping way too much.

It could be depression, meds, diet… all of the above. I'm not really sure.

No news on that kid who was a potential roommate for the Blue Falcon either. I told the Blue Falcon not to do it. The kid just isn't ready to be independent yet. It would be a mistake. I know the Blue Falcon wants to be a dad. But, being a dad to a grown ass man is just ridiculous. I won't be responsible for that level of drama.

I did have a good time with the Blue Falcon yesterday, and he spent the night with me too. I'll get to that in his section.  :)

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Been skipping game therapy a lot lately. For some reason just too tired to do it. Rather curl up on the couch with a movie and zone out until I nap. Sleeping too much… this is not good.

 - Writing - Almost done with the tail end edits/revisions. Then I get to go back over the most recent early chapter crits and make changes before I re-post again.

I'm almost there.

Now if I can just stay awake enough to keep moving forward with it.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 10 hours 49 minutes, 2x awake, 14x restless, total of 48 minutes awake/restless… almost none of that restless time with the Blue Falcon. Thus proving that I sleep better with someone there.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - It's after 12:30 in the afternoon and I'm still working on final coffee and ready to lay down again… something is very wrong.

 - Blood Sugar - skipped today

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I'm starting to log our talk time in my productivity tracker. Just so those hours don't see wasted.

I still miss him terribly.

He 'awwed' at me when I told him that the Blue Falcon spent the night.

He has his back tire appointment scheduled for next Friday. He's working a lot of overtime this weekend. Hopefully we'll be able to pay back the Blue Falcon quickly.

 - The Unicorn - Can you believe she's going to be done with the 7th grade this week? Ye Gods, time flies!

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I love him so much.

He picked me up around 11 am. We went to the grocery store first. I needed some small things. Just milk and some other stuff. He wanted to grab some fancy cheese for a snack, so he picked up a small block of Jarlsberg. I remember telling him that Jarlsberg is what swiss wants to be when it grows up.

Then we went to his bank to pull out cash and to the place where I could load that onto my prepaid credit card and transfer the money to Bran. While I did that, the Blue Falcon made up a spredsheet of what Bran and I owe him. I think I'll try to pay him back out of some of my money too, just in case Bran runs into issues.

Back to my place to put stuff in the fridge, then at the Blue Falcon's demands, we went for a walk. I actually hit my step goal, so he was satisfied.

Back to my place again for a snack of cheese and apples while we lounged naked in my bed.

After the snack, we snuggled and then played a little bit. He seems to enjoy finding out how many fingers he can fit inside me. We had a little bit of sex, but not much… he got tired and overheated really quickly, so we went back to just snuggles.

Then he asked me if I'd looked into the job rehab programs at all. I told him I was still too unstable and explained that he only sees me when he's at my best because I'm better when he's around. I told him about the nights when I cry myself to sleep and he just couldn't have that. So, he offered to spend last night with me.  :)

After the offer he checked the time. We had time to watch one movie before he had to go and take care of some things before he came back to spend the night, so we watched The Goonies because he'd never seen it. He said it was okay, but not the best movie he'd ever seen.

He left… and I just crashed. It was like I couldn't keep my eyes open. I watched a couple of movies while laying on my couch and just napped.

He got back to me around 10 pm. We stayed up til almost 11, and then went to bed.

He snores a little bit, but it wasn't too bad. I still slept really good next to him. Too bad his experience wasn't similar. It was just too warm for him in my room. Bummer, we're going to have to figure out what to do about that.

I got up with him early this morning and sat with him while he ate his breakfast and woke up. Then he left for work and I shut off my alarm and went back to bed.

I slept in super late, and I'm still tired.

I just don't know what's wrong with me lately.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Much to my surprise, Criminy is still talking to me!! He wants me to feed off of him again. We're just looking into ways for him to replenish his energy faster and keep it safer for him. But he really wants me to let loose and not hold back with him.

I can do that, but I'm also going to work with him to make sure that he's safe too.

 - The Hopefuls - Still chit chatting with that one really great hopeful that gives me such strong Blue Falcon vibes.

You know me… you know I try not to get excited before a first date. You know how many times I've been disappointed before. Also, remember how Copperhead turned out? He was GREAT in text/email, but in person he was TERRIBLE.

This guy could easily go the Copperhead route and I'd be none the wiser before our first date in a little less than two weeks.

And yet… I am getting excited.

He just seems so warm and loving the way the Blue Falcon is, but with the key difference that this guy can actually 'feel' love. There's a very good chance that if I grow to love him the way I love the Blue Falcon, this one might actually love me back.

I know, I know…

It's way to fucking early to start throwing around words like love… but that's just the vibe I get off of him. Like he'd be super caring and loving towards me, and like I'd respond to that in the only way that I know how.

*sigh*

We'll see how it goes.

 -- Friday -- He's still in his own personal hell… he's going to be down there for awhile. My only move right now is to stay supportive and hope that he gives us a second chance when he's ready to.

*crossing fingers*

I won't push him, though… I'm not that kind of girl.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

I've not even gotten as far as posting this and I'm already ready to just go curl up on my couch again…

What the fuck is going on with me lately!!

Great Grand Fuck Off...

There's this kid that the Blue Falcon and I have been trying to help out. He wants to relocate away from his home town and the Blue Falcon is going to have a roommate spot opening in the next few months.

I'm really trying to help this person because I know he needs to be out of his current situation.

He called me condescending.

I didn't even justify that email with a response.

I'm done.

Fuck that noise.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I skipped game therapy yesterday. I just wasn't in the mood. I watched a movie and chatted with a potential on OKC.

Not sure where I am with the game therapy… I think I'm starting to get bored with it… like it's all grind again. Hmm.

 - Writing - I got chapters 14 and 15 done yesterday… there is one more revision run that I need to do before I start posting again, but I'm getting there. I'm hoping to lock down the last of act one and do my start over today, but I'm not  sure. That's a lot of work.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - Better than expected. I'm out of one of my sleep meds, but there must still be enough of a build up in my system. 8 hours 39 minutes, 1x awake, 12x restless, total of 16 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Dreamy came by for a little bit yesterday. He played murder with my foot and then wandered and picked different surfaces to hold down, LOL. He was ready to go when Catmom came back to collect him. It was still good to see him, though.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - I'll be fine with 3 today.

 - Blood Sugar - 141… bit high. I'm calling it the pasta I had for dinner.

 - Exercise/Yoga - Trying to get back on track, lest the Blue Falcon waggle the mighty Jew finger at me.  :P

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I miss him so much.

Every day it just hurts more and more.

I don't know how much longer I can take this.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I get to see him tomorrow, but I don't know how much time he's planning on spending with me… I hope it's a good chunk just because, well… pain avoidance. Let's be honest.

I want my Blue Falcon snuggles.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - I've archived some texts… I know I won't be hearing from some of the more recent encounters again… *sigh* it is what it is.

 - The Hopefuls - This new guy on OKC still has me warmed up. I'm not even worried about feeling excited about him. He's good company and I have a really good feeling about him. He's not unlike Criminy in the sense that he's given me a vibe similar to the Blue Falcon's.

I realized too late that I gave away one of Friday's Fridays to him… but, I'm not thinking that Friday is going to come and collect me any time soon. He still has too much going on and this guy deserves some attention if Friday isn't going to claim me.

 -- Friday -- So, yeah. Friday is in his own personal purgatory… no clue when he's going to find his way out. He's going to have to process his walk in the underworld for quite some time before he'll be ready to come claim me.

It's okay. I can wait.

I'm patient.

What Friday can deliver is worth waiting for.

 - Honorable Mentions - No response from Criminy on my questions about his mixed messages… I'm sure we'll get it sorted. I'm not worried.

I'm sure I'll find someone to feed the succubus again someday if Criminy isn't going to work out.

It just is what it is.

End Notes:

I'm really looking forward to seeing the Blue Falcon tomorrow. (of course!) - but I want to tell him about that email exchange with whats-his-face.

I don't think the kid is ready to be independent, and the Blue Falcon and I have both already realized this. So, I'm just going to tell him to make sure the room goes to someone else.

The kid can find his own way out.

I'm washing my hands of it and walking away.

I just don't have the strength left in me to carry anyone else anymore.

A little scattered today...

One of the hardest parts about Bran being gone right now is looking back at my Facebook memories from last year. All the pain that I was enduring because that bitch was succeeding at breaking us up.

What a nightmare.

I DID see the Blue Falcon last night, but there's no sex report, we just cuddled.

I'm getting mixed messages from Criminy, and Friday has resurfaced, so there'll be updates there too.

Okay, on with it:

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I haven't been gaming the last few days. Been far to busy with other things. It's okay though, I'm sure I'll get back to it eventually. I'm not worried about it. As for other therapies, *sigh* I don't know… I guess I'm just living day by day.

 - Writing - I should be getting back to this today. Again, this week I've just been bogged down with stuff. I’m mostly just running the later chapters of act one through my editors to screen the prose for anything that needs to be tightened up a bit. It can be a lengthy process, though.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours 40 minutes, 2x awake, 14x restless, total of 25 minutes awake/restless - I got to bed about an hour late because I was chatting with Friday and another potential.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - I'll be okay with 3 today.

 - Blood Sugar - 130

 - INR - 4.2 - so, still a tad bit high. We're making the necessary adjustments to my meds.

 - Nervous System - Ye Gods did I ever fucking need that! My chiropractor noticed just how out of whack I really was. It had been far too long! Also, and I'm not surprised, the sphenoid requested an adjustment. After that my emotions totally balanced out and I felt so much better!

I see him again in two weeks.  :)

 - Inflammation - I seem to be better at this since I doubled my dose of Turmeric…

 - Exercise/Yoga - Restarting this today.  Bleh…

 - Weight Management - Yeah, whatever.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Rare for a day off, but I got to talk to him for almost an hour yesterday while he drove to pick up a futon. It felt so good to hear his voice.

I've been dreaming about him lately. Sometimes she's there, sometimes she's not… it's hard to tell what the dreams might be trying to tell me.

I think I'm healing… I can't really tell.

It's hard to know when it will be enough to let shit go. I think I need him back before any of the real work can begin…

*sigh* I don't know anymore.

I just don't know.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I got home about 2:30 yesterday. I immediately went for the brisket that was in my refrigerator. Getting it into some broth with some potatoes, onions and carrots. Then I soaked the dishes and cleaned the microwave. I was happy that I had the energy to do these things. The chiropractic adjustment really helped.

The Blue Falcon arrived a little after 5… The brisket was fully cooked and the veg was a little overdone, but it was all good. It was the Blue Falcon's turn to pick the movie. We watched The Forbidden Zone.

It's fucking weird. I still don't understand what the hell it was about. But I was determined to sit through it because it was his fucking turn to pick the fucking movie, LOL!

We had a lot of trouble streaming it, though. He was getting really frustrated, but it was okay. We laughed a lot.

After that we retired for the naked snuggles, but as I mentioned before, we did not engage in coitus. I think it was because I was still bleeding a little bit.

We talked about my emotional attachment towards him and how we're both a little worried that I might get hurt. We talked a little bit about Set and how our relationship is starting to echo Set a bit, but how it's not all bad. It's uncomfortable because it's reopening old wounds, but I feel I made it clear that it's also giving them what they need to heal properly.

*sigh*

He's such a fucking gift to me.

We cuddled until it got kind of late and then he had to go.

We're seeing each other again on Saturday.

*smile* I can't wait.  :)

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Criminy seems to be angling towards wanting me to feed off of him again… I'm not really sure. It's too hard to tell. He's sending some mixed messages, but I’m sure we'll get it sorted.

 - The Hopefuls - There's a new blip on the radar. Not necessarily my type in terms of body, but definitely my type in terms of mind! He's beta reading Torvus for me and you know how that always pumps me up. *warm sigh* it's a total turn on when someone reads my writing as a way of researching me.

 -- Friday -- He resurfaced last night. We've been texting this morning. He's in a really bad place emotionally. It might take him a long time to find his way out of this abyss. He's got a walk in the underworld to process. Right now my role is support, not sex.

I have to be here for him.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

Not much to say in closing… and I'm done with coffee, so I better get this posted so I can get on to the work.

Have a good day, everyone!!

Blue Falcon Tonight...

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Last night's date was a catastrophic mess of a failure.

All I want is to meet more guy's like the Blue Falcon, yet they elude me.

This fucking sucks.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I saw both Valkyrie and Bubbles yesterday. Bubbles understands the problem with my phone now and has me set up with six months worth of refills.

Valkyrie was so happy to see me. The feeling was more than mutual. Turns out I missed the fact that there'd been a season finalie of Supernatural! I'm trying to fix that now.

As for the phone. I *think* it's been resolved.

Yes, again.

 - Writing - This got skipped yesterday. Too much else going on.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - I got drunk last night.

10 hours 3 minutes, 7x awake, 14x restless, total of 71 minutes awake/restless

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Fuck you.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I got to talk to him while I was drunk and bitching about how bad that date was.

Fuck.

THIS SUCKS!!

If Bran were home I wouldn't have to keep doing this!

I would seriously just settle for the Blue Falcon and leave it at that.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Okay, so the absolute worst part about last night is that at one point I had a choice. The Blue Falcon turned up available and I 'could' have gone with him instead.

My date was tossing up between me and his other friends. I told him to decide quickly because I had a better offer too. He told me he was going with me. So the Blue Falcon and I made plans for tonight instead.

Dumb move. I should have gone with the Blue Falcon.

I should ALWAYS go with the Blue Falcon!

Asshole shows up at my place and at the very least he brought whiskey and a mixer. There was a hug… we cuddled… we mixed a drink… I got naked… he gave me half a rub down… he fucked me for all of a minute and a half and then he popped…

And then the son of a bitch left.

I think he was with me for all of an hour, tops.

Fucker.

I wasn't even worth more than that to him. I was just 'get off and get gone'.

The only good thing was that he left me the whiskey… I got fucking drunk last night.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - At least we have plans tonight. The Blue Falcon's cuddles can wash the stink of that other asshole off of me. I'm taking this as a life lesson. Always go with the Blue Falcon.

Always go with the Blue Falcon.

Always.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing…

 - The Hopefuls - … new…

 -- Friday -- … to…

 - Honorable Mentions - … report.

End Notes:

Repeat it like a mantra:

Blue Falcon Tonight

Blue Falcon Tonight

Blue Falcon Tonight

Blue Falcon Tonight

Blue Falcon Tonight