So tired lately...

Sorry about missing yesterday's entry. I was spending some time with the Blue Falcon and by the time I could have gotten to it I was really tired for some reason. I just couldn't get up the energy to make the entry. I just laid down and watched a movie until I fell asleep to it and took a nap.

Something's been off with me lately. Like I’m sleeping way too much.

It could be depression, meds, diet… all of the above. I'm not really sure.

No news on that kid who was a potential roommate for the Blue Falcon either. I told the Blue Falcon not to do it. The kid just isn't ready to be independent yet. It would be a mistake. I know the Blue Falcon wants to be a dad. But, being a dad to a grown ass man is just ridiculous. I won't be responsible for that level of drama.

I did have a good time with the Blue Falcon yesterday, and he spent the night with me too. I'll get to that in his section.  :)

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Been skipping game therapy a lot lately. For some reason just too tired to do it. Rather curl up on the couch with a movie and zone out until I nap. Sleeping too much… this is not good.

 - Writing - Almost done with the tail end edits/revisions. Then I get to go back over the most recent early chapter crits and make changes before I re-post again.

I'm almost there.

Now if I can just stay awake enough to keep moving forward with it.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 10 hours 49 minutes, 2x awake, 14x restless, total of 48 minutes awake/restless… almost none of that restless time with the Blue Falcon. Thus proving that I sleep better with someone there.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - It's after 12:30 in the afternoon and I'm still working on final coffee and ready to lay down again… something is very wrong.

 - Blood Sugar - skipped today

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I'm starting to log our talk time in my productivity tracker. Just so those hours don't see wasted.

I still miss him terribly.

He 'awwed' at me when I told him that the Blue Falcon spent the night.

He has his back tire appointment scheduled for next Friday. He's working a lot of overtime this weekend. Hopefully we'll be able to pay back the Blue Falcon quickly.

 - The Unicorn - Can you believe she's going to be done with the 7th grade this week? Ye Gods, time flies!

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I love him so much.

He picked me up around 11 am. We went to the grocery store first. I needed some small things. Just milk and some other stuff. He wanted to grab some fancy cheese for a snack, so he picked up a small block of Jarlsberg. I remember telling him that Jarlsberg is what swiss wants to be when it grows up.

Then we went to his bank to pull out cash and to the place where I could load that onto my prepaid credit card and transfer the money to Bran. While I did that, the Blue Falcon made up a spredsheet of what Bran and I owe him. I think I'll try to pay him back out of some of my money too, just in case Bran runs into issues.

Back to my place to put stuff in the fridge, then at the Blue Falcon's demands, we went for a walk. I actually hit my step goal, so he was satisfied.

Back to my place again for a snack of cheese and apples while we lounged naked in my bed.

After the snack, we snuggled and then played a little bit. He seems to enjoy finding out how many fingers he can fit inside me. We had a little bit of sex, but not much… he got tired and overheated really quickly, so we went back to just snuggles.

Then he asked me if I'd looked into the job rehab programs at all. I told him I was still too unstable and explained that he only sees me when he's at my best because I'm better when he's around. I told him about the nights when I cry myself to sleep and he just couldn't have that. So, he offered to spend last night with me.  :)

After the offer he checked the time. We had time to watch one movie before he had to go and take care of some things before he came back to spend the night, so we watched The Goonies because he'd never seen it. He said it was okay, but not the best movie he'd ever seen.

He left… and I just crashed. It was like I couldn't keep my eyes open. I watched a couple of movies while laying on my couch and just napped.

He got back to me around 10 pm. We stayed up til almost 11, and then went to bed.

He snores a little bit, but it wasn't too bad. I still slept really good next to him. Too bad his experience wasn't similar. It was just too warm for him in my room. Bummer, we're going to have to figure out what to do about that.

I got up with him early this morning and sat with him while he ate his breakfast and woke up. Then he left for work and I shut off my alarm and went back to bed.

I slept in super late, and I'm still tired.

I just don't know what's wrong with me lately.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Much to my surprise, Criminy is still talking to me!! He wants me to feed off of him again. We're just looking into ways for him to replenish his energy faster and keep it safer for him. But he really wants me to let loose and not hold back with him.

I can do that, but I'm also going to work with him to make sure that he's safe too.

 - The Hopefuls - Still chit chatting with that one really great hopeful that gives me such strong Blue Falcon vibes.

You know me… you know I try not to get excited before a first date. You know how many times I've been disappointed before. Also, remember how Copperhead turned out? He was GREAT in text/email, but in person he was TERRIBLE.

This guy could easily go the Copperhead route and I'd be none the wiser before our first date in a little less than two weeks.

And yet… I am getting excited.

He just seems so warm and loving the way the Blue Falcon is, but with the key difference that this guy can actually 'feel' love. There's a very good chance that if I grow to love him the way I love the Blue Falcon, this one might actually love me back.

I know, I know…

It's way to fucking early to start throwing around words like love… but that's just the vibe I get off of him. Like he'd be super caring and loving towards me, and like I'd respond to that in the only way that I know how.

*sigh*

We'll see how it goes.

 -- Friday -- He's still in his own personal hell… he's going to be down there for awhile. My only move right now is to stay supportive and hope that he gives us a second chance when he's ready to.

*crossing fingers*

I won't push him, though… I'm not that kind of girl.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

I've not even gotten as far as posting this and I'm already ready to just go curl up on my couch again…

What the fuck is going on with me lately!!