So far so good...

So far it feels like a normal day.

I got to bed on time last night, I got up with the alarm this morning, I'm experiencing the normal level of fatigue for being almost done with first coffee. I have my hopes that it's going to be a normal day where I can get some work done and I'm not plagued by the need to take a 5 hour nap in the middle of the day.

Still nothing out of the kid who accused me of being condescending. I don't even think he realizes that he's the one who needs to apologize here. Fuck it. I'm done. I just don't have the reserve strength to carry anyone else right now. I'm barely carrying myself anymore.

I can't believe it's almost the end of May and Bran still isn't home yet.

I don't know how much longer my strength can hold out.

At least I have the Blue Falcon. He helps so much.

Criminy is still on the fence.

There are two hopeful's now. The one I've been chatting with for quite some time now, and one I just started chatting with this weekend.

Something's got to give.

I need more help than just what the Blue Falcon can give me. I need more sweeties. I need more snuggles. I need more strength.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I’m slipping on my therapies. I haven't touched yarn in weeks. I haven't touched the game in days… I've literally been too tired to game. All I seem to want to do is curl up on my couch and nap to a movie. I have no idea what's so wrong with me. It might be depression, it might be diet. It might be any combination of a number of things… I just hope it releases me today.

 - Writing - I’m closing in on finishing up my work with chapter 18. That's the big Jessa reveal chapter, where we get her full story on why she was rejecting Daniel so hard. It's the kick off for Act II… it's important that I include it as a sort of epilogue for Act I when I post this. Then I have some breathing room to work on Act II.a before I start posting that. Hopefully it will all be well received.

I'm looking forward to the feedback.

But first, I need to have the energy to do the work.

*crosses fingers*

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours 58 minutes, 1x awake, 19x restless, total of 48 minutes awake/restless

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - I'm going to keep it to 3 today. Number 2 is cooling now… *crossing fingers* I hope it's enough… I already do feel a little like laying down again.  :(

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Nothing really new there either. Just more of the same 'I miss him, I love him'. My heart breaks every day that he's not with me.

Deep down I know our relationship needed to be cleansed in this fire, but it still sucks.

*sigh* at least he's learning to appreciate me, right?

He'll never take me for granted again, that's for damn sure.

Nor will I ever take him for granted again.

We needed this break so we could start over.

Cosmic forces will probably keep us apart for a year, just for symmetry.

Ugh… this sucks so bad.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Part of me wants to text him and ask him over again. Part of me wants to just cling to him constantly. Part of me is 100% addicted to the pain relief that he brings.

Thankfully the rest of me knows that he's a) very busy, and b) that's a bad idea.

I still want him, though.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Like I said above, Criminy is on the fence on whether or not he's coming back. He really wants me to just succubus out on him and feed without restraint. But at the same time the extreme fatigue that leaves him with puts him at risk while he's at work. So, I know I need to find ways for him to replenish that energy faster. But, it's still nice that he wants me to feed on him. He's a good guy… I hope we work this out.

 - The Hopefuls - No code names yet:

Hopeful 1: We've been chit-chatting every day for at least a week now. He takes an interest. He asks questions. He reads my work. He makes me feel special. He's very surprised that the Blue Falcon doesn’t love me back and one of his goals for our time together is that he wants me to feel loved. He's a strong 'giver' type that just needs to feel appreciated.

I can do that!

Hopeful 2: We just started chit-chatting this weekend. I haven't gone as far as suggesting a date, yet. I'm not there with him yet. He does take an interest and he treats me as a whole person. He seems nice. Maybe I'll suggest a date soon, maybe not. I'm just not sure with him, yet.

 -- Friday -- I worry a lot about Friday.

There's just nothing I can do to make his path through the underworld any safer or less traumatizing. And there's no telling who or what he'll be when he comes out the other side. He might not even be the kind of person who has any interest in me anymore.

I just hope the best for him… I really do…

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

So, here I am… just starting on second coffee… partially feeling like I want to go back and lie down…

Ugh! What is wrong with me?!?!