Not My Monkey, Not My Circus:

I went ahead and deleted my other OKC account. Even though I had a date from it scheduled for tomorrow. He's just another one of those that refused to talk to me after setting up the date and I’m sorry, despite the way that has worked out well for the dates themselves, it still reeks of future 'one night stand' material.

I'm done.

If I'm not worth the effort of a conversation _before_ the date. What's there to make me think I'll be worth the effort of a conversation after a date? Nothing.

So, whatever.

He's not my problem.

If he just looks around enough he'll find me on my existing profile and I'll give him a second chance, but really. I'm not sure I even give a shit anymore.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I got a call from Valkyrie yesterday. Insult to injury. Somehow I fucked up and on the automated system where I'm supposed to 'confirm' my appointment. I canceled it. So, no Valkyrie today. And after I got the phone, insurance, and rides sorted - finally - I STILL have to miss out on seeing her.

We are not amused.

We did have a good talk, though.

She continues to marvel at how good the Blue Falcon is for me. As do I. She's looking forward to the story revisions… I'm looking forward to seeing her again. It's so much easier to survive when I know she's there to support me.

Plus we have Supernatural to discuss!

 - Writing - I finished revision 5… It needed to be completed before I could go back and complete revision 4.

4 is a detail revision. It's making sure that I have all the events taking place that I need to take place.

5 is a description revision. It's making sure that all my people and settings are fleshed out so that the reader can see them clearly in their minds.

So, I did have to go back and beef up descriptions before I could finish up the last bits of detail…

It's almost there. I just have some final clean up to do and I have to work out the aftermath chapter from the big sex scene and it's gold.

I should be reposting on Scribophile by the end of the week.  :)

 - Sleep / Fitbit - I forced myself to go to bed on time last night, even though I hadn't done any of my dailies on one of my characters. I would have gone to bed an hour late if I would have played her. I'd actually spent 5 hours doing those description revisions and re-reading my entire story from the beginning, so that put a serious dent in my gaming time. (this is a good thing!)

That being said:  8 hours 6 minutes, 2x awake, 18x restless, total of 43 minutes awake/restless… so, pretty crappy night all things considered.

Meh.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Despite the shitty sleep, I'm actually quite awake this morning. It must be the rain! I feel so energized right now! - I'll be fine with 3 today.

 - Blood Sugar - 138

 - Exercise/Yoga - I've been good about making it in for my morning sessions… it's just the afternoon ones that I skip out on… not sure what to do about that.

 - Weight Management - I can't wait for Bran to come home so I can get back on my diet again.  :(

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I'm really worried. He desperately needs new tires on his truck.

I had mentioned this in passing to the Blue Falcon and the Blue Falcon had breathed something about being willing to help out. But, I think he was nervous about making the offer. Like he didn't know if it would be awkward or not. I know he's really edgy about not stepping on Bran's toes in any way.

Bran was willing to take him up on it anyway. So, we'll see.

The last thing I want is for the Blue Falcon to turn into another Set. I'd start paying him back out of my own meager funds before I allowed that to happen.

That seems totally moot though… Especially with the way the Unicorn and I are such 'non cheap' dates.

Grr.

Other than that, Bran and I remain in the same place we've been for months. He's trying to come home. I want him to come home… *sigh*

 - The Unicorn - I AM looking forward to seeing her this weekend… I wonder if I'll have my internet fixed by then…

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Got stood up again last night.

I don't know if my date was expecting me to be the one to check in with him or whatever, but he never checked in with me.

Whatever. I don't care.

I wasn't the least bit excited about him anyway. He wasn't my type. I was just willing to go through with it on the basis of giving everyone a chance.

I need to stop doing that. It rarely works out well for me in the end.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I'm still kind of wrapping my head around how much I've grown to love him.

Ye Gods it's going to fucking SUCK when he gets a girlfriend.

I'm just hoping that's not for awhile yet… like, as long as Bran is back by then, I should be okay.

It's going to hurt to lose the Blue Falcon as a lover, even though sex isn't our primary thing. It's the level of familiarity we have with each other. The way he touches me. The way he doesn't care about germs with me. All the things he should be doing with a girlfriend, and he will.

All the things that will stop once he's monogamous to someone.

Fuck.

That's going to suck.

I hope I don't break.

I really, really hope that I don't break.

Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll meet a girl who wants to be open, and she'll have a boy on the side and the Blue Falcon will get to keep being so familiar with me.

Nah…

That's a bad thing to hope for.

That's a selfish thing to hope for.

If I love him as much as I do, I should be willing to let him go.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - Despite my level of apathy in the dating scene. There are a couple of blips on the radar that do have my interest piqued. One is in an open relationship and his profile is clear that he's looking for someone to enjoy the company of both in and out of the bedroom. So, he's a strong candidate for sweetie material.

The other has not dropped the conversation, even though our date is scheduled way out to the 27th (because of his work schedule).

Both seem like really good guys.

So, it's not that I dislike EVERYTHING that's coming my way. It's just that I'm very selective over who I get excited about.

 - Honorable Mentions - Friday is still on my list, somewhere.

Someday I'm sure I'll see him…

Just not sure when.

End Notes:

*snore*

I have some guy trying to flirt with me on OKC right now. He obviously didn't pay attention to the part of my profile when I said 'local's  only'. So far he's useless.

I'm so bored with pathetic men.