Radio Silence...

Ever since I stopped communicating with that little jerk who called me condescending, my morning routine has sped up a bit. I'm no longer wasting part of my morning emailing him.

However, that's had the side effect of me getting here before caffeine has started to kick in…

Meaning I have no clue what to write about.

LOL

Whatever.

This is better than the alternative.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I love Valkyrie to death, but fuck me, she asks the difficult questions.

She pointed out that if I've needed the sweeties to cope with Bran being gone all along, then I might be more codependent than I was allowing myself to believe.

We're also trying to figure out what the hell happened. I was THRIVING for awhile there. I was doing really well. And then I broke.

Granted, I didn't break hard, but I still broke.

I think it was when Bran didn't come home at the six month mark. That's also when I became disgusted with the one night stands and they became 'not enough' to feed me anymore.

It will be an interesting experiment to see what happens if Criminy and Hopeful 1 stick around.

Will I thrive again if I'm getting fed regularly? And then 'is that codependent?'

Fuck, I don't know.

Valkyrie also asked where I would be if Bran never came back. Where would I be if he ended it.

I told her it would knock me down, but it wouldn't knock me out. I believe I'd wait a bit before trying another serious relationship. I'd probably start seeing some people closer to my age and I'd keep recruiting sweeties. Then I'd just wait for one of them to stick.

I told Bran about that when I talked with him last night. His reaction was very… shall we say 'forceful'?

"Let's hope that's a question that we never find out the answer to!" he said.

Honestly, at this point… it would break Bran harder than it would break me if things ended between us. He hates his life right now. He wants the life he had with me back.

I don't know what he would have done if I hadn't forgiven him.

 - Writing - I've made it as far as posting chapter 7… I'm going to work on chapter 8 and on soon… we're getting it done… I'm nervous about getting to Act II.a… that's a lot of words to fill in…. How am I going to write all that?  What am I going to fill that space with?

I don't know.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours 5 minutes, 2x awake, 11x restless, total of 29 minutes awake/restless

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - 3 today

 - Blood Sugar - 133

 - INR - Test today

 - Nervous System - Next week

 - Inflammation - Seems okay

 - Exercise/Yoga - I suck so bad at this

 - Weight Management - I don't even want to know

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Today is his day off, which means that I normally wouldn't hear from him because of _her_, but he's picking up some furniture today so I'll probably get to talk to him for a fair bit. That will be nice. I love talking to him.

Also, she's getting a vehicle of her own this weekend so she 'shouldn't' need to use his. Plus her night job where she needs a vehicle is ending soon.

This means he can start looking into taking some time off and coming to visit me.

That would be great. Just to be with him a little bit.

At least I think it would be great.

Part of me worries about the 'more harm than good' factor of being close to him and then having to lose him to the great north again.

*sigh*

I don't know.

I just don't know how to handle this anymore.

 - The Unicorn - She's coming this weekend.  :)  -  Still no internet, so I might try a different trick so we can still do Buffy/Angel - we need to get back on track with that.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - We're going to scope out fireworks spots this weekend. Planning ahead for my birthday. So, that will be nice. I do miss him and I love spending time with him. Any time with him is good time. Just being able to be close to him kills the pain.

*sigh*

I really hope these hopefuls work out.

It would be nice to not have everything riding on the Blue Falcon anymore.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Didn't hear from Criminy yesterday, so no idea where he stands today.

 - The Hopefuls -

Hopeful 1 Got into a car accident with a company car yesterday. He's finding out if he's in trouble today. Physically he's okay, but this could still put a damper on our date next weekend.

Hopefuls 2&3 I didn't hear anything from either of them yesterday.

 -- Friday -- Nothing from him either.

 - Honorable Mentions - Jasper didn't even respond to my text when I told him I was happy that he was home with HLS and their son.

End Notes:

Come to think of it, now it makes sense why this entry seemed light on the front end. Communication was all dead space yesterday so there wasn't much to think about / update on this morning.

Hmm…

Well, I guess it's time to see what today is going to bring.