I need a nap.

I don't really have opening statements today because I'm going on 4 hours of sleep and not enough coffee.

Why?

Yarn.

I'll just leave that there.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – Valkyrie says that I'm doing so good right now it's almost scary. Like even she's scared for me because this much upward momentum must be building up for a fall, and hell, even I know that. I've been there enough times to know what this is.

However, I just survived the worst two years of my life (alone) and even they didn't beat me, so I have all this confidence that I'll survive whatever comes at me. I feel like the worst thing would be losing Bran for real again, but at the same time, I know I'll get through it if it happens.

Valkyrie says that I’m just 100% in balance now. Ever since he came back, I have been.  

I realized that I can be in a relationship, or not in a relationship, and I will still be in balance.

It was just the *long-distance* relationship that was killing me. It was the limbo/purgatory of being half in/half out. That's what was killing me.

Lessons learned.

- Writing – Nope.

- Reading – I started a new erotic 'alpha bad boy' romance. So far it hasn't dipped into D/s or BDSM and for the most part it seems pretty vanilla. It's okay. Not paranormal at all, but still okay so far. No complaints.

- Yarn Therapy – Yeah, so this is what kept me up half the night.

I finished tying in the loose ends on the leg warmers and infinity scarf. Then it was time to learn how to crochet a butterfly. I failed miserably on the first one because, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what the fuck a *magic circle* was. But, by the second try I'd figured it out and my trial butterfly came out perfect. In the end I had just enough purple yarn to spit out 6 butterflies.

But, I was too wiped out to embellish.

So, I relaxed a bit, but I couldn't get my mind off the new 'Spiritual' leg warmers I want to work on for me. I had some started but I had made them way too narrow. So I had to rip them before I could try a test swatch and re-make the pattern. Ripping the first one was a massive fail. I ripped the whole leg warmer, leaving me with several feet of intertwined yarn that had to be separated and reskeined. OMG, took forever!!  

I got smarter with the second one. I only ripped it a little at a time. And then I realized that I could just hold it up and let the failed knitting dangle. It would spin and un-intertwine the yarn. Boom! Reskein.

Then it was 2 am and I still hadn't eaten.

So, today is EMBELLISH! And then test swatch, pattern, knit cuff, try on, likely rip and restart a few more times until the cuff is right... start second cuff. Work onto one circular needle for the two-at-a-time method and bam, next project underway.

Yeah... it's going to take forever.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 4 hours 2 minutes, 4x awake, 11x restless, 35 minutes awake/restless. Tomorrow I get to sleep in.

- Fur-babies – Had a dreamy for a little bit last night. Nothing to note much about.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- INR – 2.2 - all good

- Nervous System – Adjustment went well... not sure if it's going to stick, though. The positions I sit in when working on the yarn projects seem to be aggravating things some.

- Inflammation – I’m out of bread, and not buying more. I'm going to use meat in my egg scrambles... still using cheese. One step at a time, I guess.

- Exercise/Yoga - Ugh... presumably, I start this again tomorrow. It's hard to imagine because I'm so tired and sore right now that even the thought of exercise is enough to turn me green... Do. Not. Want.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – We are so fucking good. I honestly have nothing more to say.

- The Unicorn – She called me last night to tell me that she DID try to convince her friends that she's a Cthulhu Cultist. And seriously, try actually saying Cthulhu Cultist ten times fast. It's a major tongue twister. Even when I say it slow it comes out Cthulhu Cthultist.

However, it was a bust, even after having it explained to them, her friends still couldn't grasp the concept. All except one. The only one of her friends who's also a major Stranger Things fan. He, of course, knew exactly who/what the fuck Cthulhu was.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

- Bear – He's still very deeply in the 'not okay' and he's not moving on. This is only getting worse the longer he's going without being able to spend any time with me. And it's not like I can afford to just get us a motel room... I wish I had better news here...

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder – Oh my! His holiday season actually turned out to be very toxic, but he was able to come visit me for a few hours this morning and I was able to clear most of the bad juju from him. I also sent him off with a couple of trinkets to both continue the cleansing and keep my spirit with him.

He just called me from the road to thank me again. This is all much deeper than I'm going into detail here, but it has a lot to do with me being his Valkyrie. I have access to parts of him that no one else does and it's not even access that he's granted me. I just walk in past any barriers like I own the place, fix his shit, and leave. Most of the time he doesn't even notice, but sometimes he feels me there.

It's a very special bond that we have. And we've known each other a fuck of a lot longer than how long our physical forms have been aware of each other in this life. I know we go back a long way because he just feels natural to me and I know I feel just as natural to him.

It was also adorable as hell to watch him bond with Bran. Those two could seriously talk for HOURS and never get bored!!

Pathfinder and I have a working battle plan to help him survive the toxic environment if he's ever forced to go back. His first plan of action is to avoid it, but in just in case that doesn't work, I want him prepared with a shiny new set of survival skills and a much more well planned out night in a hotel so I can detox him after.

It's my job to take care of him.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

This entry is coming in super late and has been interrupted several times.

I’m tired as fuck.

I need a nap.