I find it terribly ironic that now that I have my husband back, guys (some of them one-night stands) who wouldn't have given me a second thought 3 months ago are suddenly popping up out of the woodwork like daisies.
They're all so shocked and disappointed that I can no longer host them as a fuck buddy too. Some of them are cool about it, but others are downright whiney to the point of attempting guilt trippery.
I mean, whatever?
Where were you assholes when I needed you? Why are you suddenly interested now? Or is it just that you're suddenly honey again and you remember tight pussy? How many of you just used me for sex and then moved on without another word? And now you're all suddenly back, begging for more, when I have zero capability (nor desire, for that matter) to give it to you?
Don't get me wrong, some of the guys were really nice. Like The Giver, for example. Great massage. Or Bear, who selflessly took on my depression and beat it down. But, most of these guys aren't worth the toilet paper I wipe my ass with.
Really guys... you had your chance, but I have my husband and his magick penis back now and I don't need you anymore.
Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Therapy – Valkyrie and I are both really surprised at how well Bran and I have acclimated to each other so quickly. She was expecting it to be good, but bumpy, and instead we've had 'great' and 'smooth as silk'.
Seriously...
Valkyrie and I even planned out Couples Therapy for Bran and I and shit! We don't even need it.
Bran is loving towards me in ways that he never has been. It's like he's hungry for me and even, dare I say, a tad needy? Even when he's busy he comes to give me frequent hugs and kisses. And when we're in bed together he'll reach out to hold my hand, or cuddle me close. Like he just needs to touch me and know that I'm there.
I've _ALWAYS_ been that needy with him.
Now, It's just like we're on the same wavelength. It's really quite amazing.
So, as a result, I'm fucking FINE! - and I almost feel bad about it.
This is supposed to be a mental health blog where I talk about my problems. But, shit... I don't have any anymore. Therapy is supposed to be there to get me stable and through shit, and now I'm literally just there to entertain Valkyrie and keep her company.
Other than that, I'm helping who I can through their own mental health struggles... but I’m good.
- Writing – I have no idea when I will ever write again. My writing has always been there to help me overcome the emotions of being unhappy with my life. And I'm ridiculously fucking happy.
- Reading – Nothing new to report.
- Yarn Therapy – The test fit on the new leg warmers was a bust, I've already ripped and restarted. I should be able to try them on again either some time tonight or tomorrow.
- Sleep / Fitbit – 6 hours 59 minutes, 3x awake, 13x restless, 37 minutes awake/restless - despite a better and more 'normal'ish' for me kind of night, I'm still pretty wiped out today.
- Fur-babies – Dreamy came over for his nap last night... just snored away at the edge of my bed. :) - today in my 'one year ago' Facebook memories, there was this really great pic of him on my kitchen table. I love him so much.
Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Exercise/Yoga - Okay, so Valkyrie and I talked about this too. We talked about my gut reaction every time I see that I should be exercising. We talked about the inflammation and the pain and how that's either a legitimate/serious concern, or I'm using that as an excuse not to exercise at all. And – really – neither of us can tell which it is.
But, we both felt that I should not have been in that much pain after exercising, or that it seemed to be the wrong kind of pain for the type of exercise that I was doing. So, there is a chance. Just a chance, but still a chance, that I was exercising myself to injury.
So, we both agreed that it was perfectly fair to want to wait for a professional opinion before continuing any further. Even the Blue Falcon did that. He joined an actual gym and then paid a personal trainer for two weeks so he could learn what he could before going off on his own. That, both to me and to Valkyrie, seems like a very wise plan. Especially considering the fact that I have more than one health concern. I have the inflammation, yes, but I also have the high blood pressure and the type two diabetes. Both of which I take medication for, and if I exercise too much in the wrong way I could risk 'low blood pressure', resulting in dizzy spells, falling down, and potential injury. Or 'low blood sugar' resulting in dizzy spells, falling down, and potential injury.
There's just a lot to factor in here and the more I think about it, the more I seem to be justifying that joining a gym and seeking professional help is the way to go.
That's not going to happen any time soon. Gyms and personal trainers are expensive and Bran and I owe the Blue Falcon some money. We need to pay him back before any huge expenses come out.
So, there it is. I have my excuse to not exercise... and I can justify it.
But, it still might be just an excuse and no one really knows for sure if I'm just manipulating things to my liking or not.
*le sigh*
Relationships / Family:
- Bran – OMG – where do I even begin... you already know about the hugs, the lurves, the reaching out, the hand holding, and the touching... but last night?
Last night he pulled something out that I never expected to happen, and I just marveled and reveled in it when it did.
I remember years ago, I was so frustrated with him because there was literally no romance or passion in our relationship and sex was pretty much just him taking his pants down to his knees and then he was in, out, and gone.
Last night, though?
Love, passion, romance... and more and more and more.
We didn't fuck.
We didn't have sex.
We made love.
And I’m actually pretty sure that's the first time that's ever happened between us. Or at least the first time in a long time. Maybe just the first time where both of us were present enough to fully enjoy and appreciate the moment for what it was.
He's amazing.
We're amazing.
I never want this to end.
- The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Sweeties:
- Updates on Favorites -
- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.
- Sweeties -
Nothing new to report.
- AmbiguSweeties -
- Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Just Friends:
Like I said, I've been reaching out to those who need a friend more. Hopefully I'm making a difference in some of their lives.
End Notes:
At some point in the not too distant future, Bran will be spending a few weeks in another state here and there. It's for a job. And 1-2 weeks of long distance won't be so bad. He's taking a lot of his stuff, though. I have some significant fear of abandonment that he's not going to come back, so that will take some time and a few trips to resolve, I'm sure.
I've promised some former lovers that I'll make time for them during those weeks when I can host again, but after last night I’m not sure I really want to.
I don't want to go back to just being someone's fuck whore.
I have love now.
I don't want to go back.
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